Is your dh deprived like mine?

[NBMama]

Poor husband! This is my third pregnancy - and I have yet to have that promised libido! I am huge and uncomfortable and my entire region is so swollen I feel like I have a pillow between my legs. I am the most unsexy person in the world. My poor ridiculous husband is so deprived he actually disagrees and tries to tell me I'm lovely. I hate the thought of grinning and bearing it, but poor guy - and I'm already so uncomfortable so why not?... What to do!?

[moonglowmama]

I say this with a smile on my face... grin and bear it! Seriously, you might find you feel better with his loving touch and you might actually enjoy it.

This is only mildly related, but after the birth of my first we didn't have real sex for 6 months because it took a long time to fully heal and the scars that time of not "being together" left on our marriage were long. I wish now that I had done more to take care of his needs at that time, because they are legitimate needs. Not being intimate, imo, especially for long periods of time can be pretty damaging to a person's mind and eventually they give up trying, which can have other more serious ramifications on a marriage.

And, as a side note, try to find things about your prego body that are sexy to you, even if it's just the curves here or there. Let him rub you down with massage oil- that's FUN!

[Sayward]

BJ, yo.

[josie423]

I am often uncomfortable during sex, but having a deprived hubby would make me more uncomfortable. So, I am grinning and bearing it for now and it's really not that bad once we get going. I hope things improve for you!

[MrsReady2bMama]

I'm going with grin & bear it for now. I'm not usually in the mood but once we get going everything seems to work out. We had an awful time during my year of nursing DD - it was so physically painful for me that I almost always ended up in tears. So, knowing we will have another year of nursing ahead of us come March, we're trying to get in as much action now as we can!!! Hopefully that will hold him over. Then it will be a year of BJs and whatever else I can manage. It's one of the reasons I have to stop nursing at a year. I'm not sure my marriage could take much more!

I'm curious - any correlation between sex drive during pregnancy and the sex of the baby? I had a girl last time, and had no drive. I don't know what I'm having, but kinda think it's a boy this time around. However, I always kinda thought that if I was preggers w/ a boy I'd up my drive b/c of the extra testosterone? I do think it is a bit higher this time around. Kind of a random theory

[ciga]

I have to say that though there are moments when sex might be slightly uncomfortable they are brief and we quickly adjust.
As far as my libido is concerned, it hasn't really taken a hit. To be honest, I have felt like the deprived one. A conversation revealed he was worried about hurting the baby and/or me and once I told him he needed to move past that fear and trust that I would quickly tell him if something felt wrong we've been doing much much better.

[happiestmomma]

On the flip side, here. Because of my recurrent miscarriages and cerclage, my poor hubby is cut off for the entire pregnancy. Usually, this wouldn't bother me, as my libido is normally quite low...but this pregnancy, I'm finding myself wanting. As uncomfortable as it may be, I'm counting down to 36 weeks when they remove my cerclage and we're good to go again.

[Plummeting]

Originally Posted by Sayward

BJ, yo.

That's not even possible sometimes! lol If you have morning sickness and/or a strong gag reflex, there's no way you can do it any way that any man would appreciate. And some of us get out of breath when we start bending around our bellies after 24 or 25 weeks. Definitely none of that recommendation going on at my house right now, no matter how deprived DH might feel. If I threw up on him or passed out from lack of oxygen, he might never recover.

[harmie0515]

I'm in the camp of "grin and bear it before long I usually enjoy it." My libido was out of control high w/ my girl pregnancy. I almost prefer the grin and bear it.

[rhiOrion]

Peaking in from April to say that my DH is definitely deprived. Due to some cervical bleeding and a low lying placenta we're cut off at LEAST until my next u/s which is still several weeks away. We've been cut off for a couple of months at this point. I normally have a very low libido, but we have definitely found that even I have a point at which I really want it. At least my gag reflex is lessening some. Also, we bought a toy... and it broke that night. The sex gods hate me.

[cocoanib]

No. He's not, but I am

[Sayward]

Originally Posted by Plummeting

That's not even possible sometimes! lol If you have morning sickness and/or a strong gag reflex, there's no way you can do it any way that any man would appreciate. And some of us get out of breath when we start bending around our bellies after 24 or 25 weeks. Definitely none of that recommendation going on at my house right now, no matter how deprived DH might feel. If I threw up on him or passed out from lack of oxygen, he might never recover.

Ahaha, I totally understand. I'm sorry if I came off as insensitive.

But, there are other acts that can be accomplished. Manual stuff, mutual personal stuff (trying not to be too graphic here). I mean, it's really up to the couple but I do think that sex is often undervalued in a marriage. One partner's needs are totally valid and as much as possible I think it's only fair to try and accommodate.

Sex in my house is expressly VERBOTEN right now (doctors orders), but we find other ways. Even a healthy attitude towards 'taking care of oneself' can go a long way for a man's comfort level, I think. Like 'hey honey, if you need to take an extra long shower, I totally understand' *wink wink*

On the flip side, regularly engaging in sexual acts that make you uncomfortable can be really damaging in the long run. That is equally as valid a concern. I guess it's all about balance - and COMMUNICATION!

Just my 0.02. Luck everyone!

[SamGroom]

So sorry ladies

I am one on the lucky ones with the great libido during pregnancy and now my husband and I have to be apart for 4 1/2 weeks due to his work, military. I keep telling him oh NOOOOO what are we going to do with no sex for so many weeks during the best part of pregnancy.


But I agree be creative, maybe just a wash down in the shower????? Or a really great massage with a special ending. I bet it would really make him feel great.

[mama kk]

My DH is happily in this little stretch of time where my libido is high despite the awkwardness of it all. 1st and even 2nd trimesters were not so lucky, and if the first 6 months of this baby's life are anything like my first, poor DH will be quite deprived...

Surprisingly, the only position that feels good is sort of a propped up missionary style. I don't know why...

[buckeye_bebe]

Promised libido? Who promised us that? You are lovely, it is true. That doesn't mean the parts are feeling lovely. Promises promises...

[gardenmommy]

Ummm... yep. Although, I've finally reached the point of being able to grin and bear it, so now he isn't quite so deprived. His mental state is very important to me.

[Mamatoto2]

I've been on "pelvic rest" since 8 weeks gestation and bed rest since week 15. My poor husband is so overworked and underserved....not as neglected as I am though

[brightskye]

I might be the lone selfish one here, but my dh is very deprived. The best I can do is encourage him to take long satisfying showers, but otherwise get back to me in about 4 more months! I'm sooooo uncomfortable all the time, I'm tired and my digestion sucks, and basically I feel not only unsexy but absolutely repulsed by the idea of sex while I feel this bad. I don't even want to be touched, which is weird and must be hormonal somehow, but even hugs make me want to escape. If I tried to grin and bear it I'd feel resentful and miserable. Plus sex causes me really miserable braxton-hicks, which is like an orgasm penalty! I would feel more for dh's plight but frankly making a baby is HARD, and virtually all the misery is on the woman. If he has to give up sex for a while, well, it's the only suffering he has and it seems a comparitively small price to pay. I guess I'm just not as nice as all the rest of you, but I've felt like total crap for 6 months now and I don't plan to do ANYthing that ups my misery quotient at all.

[MamaMorgana]

Well, a couple of ideas if you feel it's important to maintain the sexual intimacy with your DH. I do agree that for many couples it's not something to let be neglected for too long. But physical, sensual intimacy can definitely be achieved without sex! (massage or simple back rubs, snuggling on the couch, long hugs, kissing...)

1. Have you had any prenatal massage? That could help you feel better physically, as well as even a bit sensual. I recommend someone who does it with you on your sides with pillows, rather than a prenatal table, which I find horribly uncomfortable.

2. Foreplay! Using toys, hot/cold oils, your hands. Enjoying and letting him enjoy your swelling boobs! Using your mouth (and a full-on BJ isn't necessarily important). Massage and teasing-touch. By the time he's good and turned on, you might be too!

3. Don't forget that, if he is so deprived, once you do get to the sex part he probably won't last too long. So your discomfort will be short, right? Both happy :-)

4. Total darkness if you just can't feel "lovely". It can be nice for enhancing the physical senses, too.

5. Be open to the reality that you could very well be quite pleasantly surprised by how things turn out, with a little creativity!

Good luck and have fun!

[october]

Sex is so unpleasant for me at this point that my husband and I plan to only have it inside me for a couple minutes. And then we take care of him. But we do this because it helps us feel closer to each other. It's a wonderful comprimise and I feel blessed that this works for us.

Also, sometimes we plan to just snuggle. We'll just crawl into bed and are intimate without any sexual energy. Sometimes, this is enough to maintain that sense of lovey doveyness and natural oxytocin bond.