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Originally Posted by freestyler  Who the heck always says no to helping, on principle?? That would be kinda twisted.
And what is wrong with a child expecting attention all the time? Uhhhhh.....I can think of a lot of things. One Big Thing is that Momma gets Pretty Darned Tired and holy cow, it really helps if people who ARE ABLE to help themselves DO help themselves. And obviously, there will be times when the dressing process needs a parent's help, but there will mostly be times when the process does not need a parent's help (at age 3 and 4 and such), and mom or dad is able to use energy for the myriad other things waiting in the wings. Or urgently needing attention.
My kids get plenty of attention, all the time, and well, I have found out that I am a normal human mom and get tired and cranky if there are nonstop, unnecessary, superfluous requests. I think that where my kids can be self-sufficient, I am thrilled, because then I am not spread so thin. Period. But then, I never had to tell my kids to dress themselves. They just always wanted to, and balked at my helping them the day they could put those little outfits on themselves. Fine by me----there are plenty of other places to help them. All day and night.
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Hoo, this whole thing seems a little abrasive. Didn't your kids have any mundane daily task that they *could* do but sometimes wanted help from you anyway? And what was your response to that? THAT is the issue here, not specifically clothes. It's just manifesting as clothes in this OPs life right now.
I am not a person who coddles kids or does everything for them, but when a 3 yo does something developmentally appropriate, like sometimes wanting to be "babied" a little, I'm hard pressed to classify it as "demanding attention" in a negative light any more than a infant who *can* sleep through the night but wants to be near its mother and cries is "demanding attention" in a bad way. Both are technically demands for attention, and both are completely appropriate and when they can feasibly be done, should be IMO.
If we're getting into parent burnout, that's about a lot more than helping a 3 yo get dressed every day...and should be addressed, for sure.
There are also several things the OP could probably do to start nudging her kiddo, if she hasn't started doing them. OP, when you do ask her to get dressed, is everything laid out and you just say, "OK, get dressed" or do you give her specific instructions? That would be a fairly good bridge for you to do while not in th eroom but still maintaining the contact she's needing. It may have to start with you in the room with her doing some busywork, while you say, "OK, take your PJs off......now put them in the hamper....great, put your shirt on......." etc. until she's dressed. Once she's gotten that down, then you could not be in the room for the same rundown. I'd always try her doing it on her own first and then going into the room with her. It's really appropriate for 3's to need tasks broken down into individual steps instead of big goals. You could also get playful if she's refusing and see how that goes - some kids respond well to it (like my daughter), some don't (like my son - he's very sensitive to anything even remotely patronizing and playful parenting often edges that way in his mind). "Oh NO! Your ARMS are stuck and you CAN'T get out of your PJs? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ALL DAY WITH STUCK ARMS????" and then a tickle, you "unstick" her arms, etc.
And a big old
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Originally Posted by limabean
I'm sure in reality all of us are that kind of mom, but there are a few posts in this thread that make it sound like only lazy, attention-grabbing kids (3 year olds!) would ever ask for help getting dressed, and my point was that if a kid perceives that that's how his mom thinks of him for wanting/needing help, it could actually increase the whiny behavior surrounding the issue. I know my kid is a lot more likely to act whiny if he feels like I'm brushing him off instead of like I'm willing to help but tied up with another task (or too tired) at the moment.
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