Worried about my daughter (eating disorder issues)

[Heavenly]

My daughter turned 7 in November and I am very worried she is going to develop an eating disorder. The problem is she takes large amounts of food, eats it, and hides the evidence. We are very relaxed in what the kids are allowed to eat. We are not all about healthy food, we feel there's a balance. So the kids get cookies, treats, chips, pizza, fast food and all that kind of stuff. Not every day but frequently enough that they certainly aren't going without. So we cannot understand why she is hiding food. I was cleaning out her room and found stashes of of empty wrappers from halloween candy (hers and her brother's and sister's), granola bar wrappers, cookie wrappers (that were mine - diet cookies) hidden all over the place. She hides it in the closet, down the side of her bed, in her toy box. We have found stashes other places around the house and today we found another stash in the utility room of oatmeal to go bars (those are supposed to be her brothers for breakfast because he has a hard time eating in the morning) and even of her sister's gluten free bars which she definitely knows she is not allowed to eat. There were over 20 bar wrappers there. And like I said before she is not denied these types of things, it's just like it's all she wants to eat. Sweets, sweets, and more sweets. I am very worried about her because I am afraid this is going to lead to an eating disorder. I suffered from bulimia at age 12 and again with anorexia at age 17 so I know how easy it is to fall into that trap. What should I do about this? I have talked to her about it and tried to ask her WHY she is doing it but she just starts to cry and refuses to talk about it. Any input would be appreciated!

[Krisis]

Boy I have no idea. That's definitely cause for concern though. I guess I would try to schedule her for a counseling appointment. Sorry I'm not really helpful, couldn't read without responding though. good luck.

[EmmalinesMom]

I'm sorry. I would definitely be concerned too. Is there a therapist in your area that does well with kids? Perhaps your pediatrician could give you a reference.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

My guess is that the food hoarding/gorging is not about food, exactly, but indicative of something else. I agree with PPs regarding a counselor.

[mumkimum]

Just some other ideas - but do you have a 'no eating outside of the kitchen rule' (like she isn't supposed to eat in her room in the first place)? We did, and I know I used to sneakily eat food in my room and I might have reacted that way because of that reason. Is there a garbage can in her room?

I can understand being concerned though, you might be able to ease into talking about it by mentioning you've noticed she really likes the snack bars lately and asking if there's any particular kind she'd like for herself.

[Ofwait]

Counciling!

There is already an issue if she is hiding the fact that she is eating, and when asked about it cries and refuses to answer.

[chinaKat]

Eating is sometimes about control. If she feels like there are issues in her life that she can't control, maybe she is compensating somehow by eating.

Have there been any major changes lately? Trouble at school?

[NiteNicole]

Something that jumps out at me is there are three seperate things in your post that are "special" and not for her: your diet cookies, the granola bars, and the gluten free things. As a child, there were always things in my house that were for other people and not for me, and that made them more attractive. A lot.

Also, if you have "diet" cookies, is she hearing you talk about diet? Talk negativly about yourself? Talk about some foods as "good" and others as bad? I know when we diet and are chronic dieters, we get a bit screwed up with how we talk about food and ourselves, even when we think we're saying the right things. Not blaming you, just something I work on EVERY day so I'm not planting ideas in my own daughter's head.

Two things that are working for us -

First, we have one fast food or eating out meal a week. One. It's easier for me to tell her "not right now" instead of just no. She can understand that she can't have fast food today, it's something we're doing another day (usually Saturday as we're out all day running errands so we're out anyway).

Also, anything I have to fight about, we just don't keep in the house. We can not keep ice cream, it's all she thinks about. I can MAKE a small amount at a time or buy a single serving every now and then and she understands that it's just gone.

There is something about pre-packaged food, I swear they put something addictive in it. It just calls out to some of us. Even if you made oatmeal bars from scratch that were a million times better, those packaged ones would still be so tempting. Can you cut down on how much processed stuff is around? Just not having it is way easier than fighting about it, for me anyway.

[zech13_9_goforgold]

I think that overreacting is a temping solution that could turn into a problem. Sometimes 7 year olds are just emotional, and depending on her temperment, she might react that way to confrontation. I know that I would. If the emotions were outside of her normal behavior, then I might be more concerned.

I agree with the previous poster, who said that your daughter may just be wanting some food that's her own special stuff. Maybe you could buy some oatmeal bars just for her or some gluten-full things that her sister can't have. At 7, maybe she's just eating that way to take for herself what belongs to others.

Another thought I had was: is she really eating that much extra? Did you just notice the wrappers in her room that have actually been accumulating for a long time? I'm not judging your parenting- I was just thinking that she wouldn't have to eat very much per day for a long period of time (even a few months) before her room would be overrun with wrappers.

The diet thing strikes me as well. Are you positive that you're not projecting your own body-image problems onto your daughter? Is she going through a growth spurt? Does she take some time eating or does she shovel? Is she on a medication that might be giving her an increased appetite?

[Heavenly]

Originally Posted by chinaKat

Eating is sometimes about control. If she feels like there are issues in her life that she can't control, maybe she is compensating somehow by eating.

Have there been any major changes lately? Trouble at school?

Her older brother is special needs (bipolar disorder and anxiety disorder plus learning issues) and her little sister is showing strong signs of those disorders as well so yes, she is definitely under stress. She is the only "normal" one in the middle of two with special needs.

[fairejour]

I used to do this as a child. I felt like my mother thought I was fat and would yell at me (or judge me) if I ate more than what she thought was ok. I would eat and hide the evidence. It would then turn into eating out of shame, and it became a cycle. I always felt like she was watching how much I was eating, and judging me. I always felt fat, and she was thin.

Just my experience.

[Heavenly]

Originally Posted by fairejour

I used to do this as a child. I felt like my mother thought I was fat and would yell at me (or judge me) if I ate more than what she thought was ok. I would eat and hide the evidence. It would then turn into eating out of shame, and it became a cycle. I always felt like she was watching how much I was eating, and judging me. I always felt fat, and she was thin.

Just my experience.

That definitely is not happening in our home. First of all, I am overweight and she is very slim. Secondly, our kids are allowed to eat as much as they want at all meals. We are very non-controlling in regards to food because I used to suffer from an eating disorder and am very aware of food issues.

[fairejour]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

That definitely is not happening in our home. First of all, I am overweight and she is very slim. Secondly, our kids are allowed to eat as much as they want at all meals. We are very non-controlling in regards to food because I used to suffer from an eating disorder and am very aware of food issues.

I was allowed to eat whatever I wanted too. It was all in my head. I was not overweight at all as a child, I just felt that way. My mom never actually said anything, or didn't allow me the food I wanted.

I just wanted to share why I did the same thing. It is just my experience, and I remember crying when asked, out of shame and feeling guilty. That is what triggered my response.

[Heavenly]

Originally Posted by fairejour

I was allowed to eat whatever I wanted too. It was all in my head. I was not overweight at all as a child, I just felt that way. My mom never actually said anything, or didn't allow me the food I wanted.

I just wanted to share why I did the same thing. It is just my experience, and I remember crying when asked, out of shame and feeling guilty. That is what triggered my response.

What could someone have done to help you deal with those feelings? I just want to know how to help her.

[Kailey's mom]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

My daughter turned 7 in November and I am very worried she is going to develop an eating disorder. The problem is she takes large amounts of food, eats it, and hides the evidence. We are very relaxed in what the kids are allowed to eat. We are not all about healthy food, we feel there's a balance. So the kids get cookies, treats, chips, pizza, fast food and all that kind of stuff. Not every day but frequently enough that they certainly aren't going without. So we cannot understand why she is hiding food. I was cleaning out her room and found stashes of of empty wrappers from halloween candy (hers and her brother's and sister's), granola bar wrappers, cookie wrappers (that were mine - diet cookies) hidden all over the place. She hides it in the closet, down the side of her bed, in her toy box. We have found stashes other places around the house and today we found another stash in the utility room of oatmeal to go bars (those are supposed to be her brothers for breakfast because he has a hard time eating in the morning) and even of her sister's gluten free bars which she definitely knows she is not allowed to eat. There were over 20 bar wrappers there. And like I said before she is not denied these types of things, it's just like it's all she wants to eat. Sweets, sweets, and more sweets. I am very worried about her because I am afraid this is going to lead to an eating disorder. I suffered from bulimia at age 12 and again with anorexia at age 17 so I know how easy it is to fall into that trap. What should I do about this? I have talked to her about it and tried to ask her WHY she is doing it but she just starts to cry and refuses to talk about it. Any input would be appreciated!

I was anorexic, than bulemic in my past. The thing that concerns me with your little one is that she cries when you ask her about it.. everything else didn't really stike too much concern until that. I would try again and again to talk to her, and tell her, which I'm sure you did, that's she not in trouble at all.. but mommy needs to know because mommy needs to know why, because there are some health issues that could cause little girls to want to eat lots of sugary foods.

Rule out diabetes, and other things that would cause a child to crave carbs... also sleep walking.

Hugs and I hope this isn't serious. Please keep us updated. Hugs.

[fairejour]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

What could someone have done to help you deal with those feelings? I just want to know how to help her.

I don't know. I now struggle with my weight, and with feeling attractive, and I feel like it goes back to those times. I'm not sure my mother did anything wrong persay, but I just felt judched.ged and like I was always being watched. I felt like I was a "good kid" in so many areas, but that my physical body wasn't good enough. I would think that professional help for me and my mother, perhaps together would have been called for.

[Kailey's mom]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

Her older brother is special needs (bipolar disorder and anxiety disorder plus learning issues) and her little sister is showing strong signs of those disorders as well so yes, she is definitely under stress. She is the only "normal" one in the middle of two with special needs.

I missed this, is it possible that she is feeling left out. For example " older brother get special attention because of X, little sis gets special attention because of X, I need to find an X to get attention. This would problably be subconscience. Maybe she is feeling left out because she is the only "normal/typical" child.

[tanyalynn]

Have you ever looked into more physical causes that can contribute a tendency toward eating disorders? I've read of a link to low zinc (generationally, I mean, going back generations through the maternal line), not sure about other nutrients.

I mention it because there seems to be more than environmental variables at work. I've got someone in my family who, well, to be blunt, doesn't have a healthy attitude about food, and is passing that on to her daughter, and neither have signs indicating significant eating disorders (attitudes aren't great, but eating patterns are normal). I don't know how you view the bipolar and anxiety issues; I've had anxiety issues, and it was quite physically based for me, nutrients including zinc were really off, from a fairly young age.

Anyway, just a thought to give you another direction to look in if you want.

[HollyBaby]

I haven't read all the replies, so I apologize if this has been mentioned. If your daughter is overweight, even a few pounds, then other kids may be teasing her, making her embarrassed to eat with anyone watching. Kids will tease even kids who aren't fat. (When I was in 3rd grade, I was a smidge over 5'6" and 120 pounds, and was teased for being "fat," which set off a short cycle of hiding my eating, then refusing to eat anything that wasn't Slim Fast (which my parents caved and bought because I went almost a week without eating), and it was a small step to nearly killing myself wit anorexia, and I'm dealing with buliia now, very bad especially while nursing a newborn.) She could even be teased if someone else in the family is overweight, taunted that she'll be the same way, making her feel she has to hide her eating.

You need to get her in to a counselor ASAP, as well as a physical check-up. If she's not being teased, she could feel she absolutely must eat this much junk, and hide the evidence out of fear. Probably get the check-up first.

[CatsCradle]

Eating is sometimes about control. If she feels like there are issues in her life that she can't control, maybe she is compensating somehow by eating.

I really agree with this. I'm 46 and so far have endured four major bouts of anorexia. I have never been overweight but when these behaviors occur there is usually something happening in my life over which I feel I have no control. It can be subconscious. OP, your daughter's behavior is relevant to me because like your household, we were exposed to all kinds of foods and were never wanting for sweet stuff (my parents, of course, moderated our intake but it wasn't forbidden).

I remember going to my first sleepover camp and my mother had packed Little Debbie snack cakes in my bag. I would sneak into the cabin while the other children were engaged in activities and would eat the cakes in secret, because I didn't want to share. I was so afraid that someone would catch me eating them...they were mine, for my pleasure and consumption. I still can't figure out why I did that, but I still eat in secret sometimes...don't want people to see me in the act. Sounds insane and it is. In my mind, food must be eaten on my terms.

I don't know what advice to give because I haven't worked out my own problems. I guess my only suggestion is to approach it gently and keep your daughter well informed throughout her young life of what it takes to maintain a healthy body. She's very young but I can't help but see the same pattern. Hopefully I'm wrong. The human mind is very complex.