Worried about my daughter (eating disorder issues) - Page 2

[Tigerchild]

I have binge eating disorder (unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, I've never purged) I've been this way ever since I can remember (including hiding wrappers and eating crazy stuff that honestly, I didn't even LIKE, most of the time because it was tucked away and wouldn't be discovered as quickly). For me, it was DEFINITELY about control. I had none, and lived with mentally ill control freak parents. I have no idea if this is related to binging, but I honestly have no sense of "full" either--either it's neutral or discomfort. I have heard that some people do NOT have that ability that tells them to stop before they become physically uncomfortable. As an adult, I have done strict portioning for up to a year at a time, and I still have never regained that ability. So stress, need for control, and that lack has become a deadly three punch knockout for me as an adult. (until I had my twins, my metabolism and natural athleticism took care of the extra calories, and I wasn't fat at all--boy howdy did that change!)

This is NOT something you are going to be able to fix on your own. You need to find someone who specializes in pediatric eating disorders. If your other special needs kids get services, you might be able to find someone by asking around through other support personnel.

This is very serious. If it's already gotten to the hiding stage, to be really blunt I don't think that there's much that you as a parent can do other than support her through professional help. The horrible part is that it's probably going to be expensive, and you have a lot of on your plate already, so I'm sure the thought of doing that probably is like a kick in the gut. But you know, I'm a grown up, with an unconditionally loving spouse and friends that I can be honest with about this--and even with my adult willpower and lots of suppport and ability to get out when I need to get away from the food that I know is there, ect--I still haven't kicked this thing, and it kept slipping worse and worse until I finally sought out professional help.

With a kid, you have a chance to get in there and get help before she permanently damages her body or has 30 years of this habit of coping with stress.

ETA: I found my thearpists (it's taken me awhile to find one I could feel comfortable with and afford) through www.nationaleatingdisorders.org

[gcgirl]

Professional help, definitely. At the very least, she may need some help dealing with her place in a family with a special needs child. It's sometimes very difficult to see on the surface WHAT is triggering these behaviors, but they are NOT normal, especially if she cries when you bring it up.

Also, having had eating disorders myself, I know how hard it is. But please be very very careful that YOU are not putting signs out there about your own weight issues. My mom was always overweight, and at a certain point, fairly early on, I KNEW about her struggles even though she didn't discuss them with me. I started getting paranoid around that time that *I* would end up like her if I didn't do something about it (even though I had no weight/diet issues before). That and other control issues led to my go-around with anorexia. Kids pick up on very subtle signals. Just something to think about.

[redvlagrl]

As another poster who suffered from eating disorders (anorexia and bulimia) I would recommend professional help now, before her behaviors get too ingrained.

I am also with some of the PPs and wondering about your diet cookies. Perhaps you might consider changing to regular ones but having fewer?

One therapist I saw suggested that it can be a good idea for kids to get a set amount of candy every week - and give it to them in one big hit - like a bag of candy. It's then up to them how they decide to eat it - all at once or savour it through the week. I thought that was a neat idea and perhaps this could make your DD feel more special with 'her' food. Perhaps it's her way of making herself feel special (obviously one that could lead to serious consequences).

The other thing I learnt in therapy is that 'hoarding' behaviour is much more mentally healthy than restricting, even though both are undesirable. By 'hoarding' your daughter is expressing that she is worth having food, rather than being unworthy. So it's not all bad news.

I def agree with a PP that it is worth investigation but I think you might like to look at your own behaviours, even if you never mention food/weight/eating. If you're always on a diet then she might think that this is normal for grown up women.

I hope this sorts out for your DD.

[LROM]

And in case this hasn't also been said, I suggest you put some serious energy into focusing on helping her trust that she can talk to you and things will still be ok!

Aside from all the great points about eating disorders and why/how that can develop, I am very concerned that you ask her about it and she just cries and can't talk to you at all. Not to diminish the importance of the potential eating disorder, but I think it's critical to ask her why she feels like she can't talk to you about it, is there anyone she feels she can trust and talk to, what would it take for her to feel comfortable talking to you, what can you do, etc.

The possible eating disorder is very serious, but an overall equally serious issue is making sure she feels she has a way to process her emotions and talk about things that are stressing her. That is vital to her health, emotional and physical.

Best of luck, she's lucky to have a mom who is paying attention and really wants to help her!

[gcgirl]

Originally Posted by LROM

Best of luck, she's lucky to have a mom who is paying attention and really wants to help her!

Just wanted to second this thought.