Help! Pediatrician Blames ME! for LO poor sleeping!

[labellaluna]

Let me start by saying "I NEED SOME SUPPORT!!" I am at my wits end- my 6 mos old has woken every hour on the hour screaming for the past month. Before that she slept like a dream- we cosleep and she would happily nurse back to sleep. Now I have to get up and rock her back and it is becoming too much!! We took her to see the pediatrician today on a regulr visit. I am NOT thrilled about him in the first place, but we live very rurally and have few options. The dreaded "how is she sleeping? " question I told him our problems and he said that my LO needed to "dissasociate" rocking, nursing, with sleeping. If I just let her alone and self soothe we wouldn't have this problem. I told him that that was not an option. He than went on to tell me -and I quote - " Be very careful here. I have patients who have to LIE DOWN with there SIX!!! year old. Familybeds make babies too reliant on their parents." I walked right out of there without any solutions or strategies adn feeling so alone and tired. I just want to know I am doing the right thing.... Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do with her? I am ready to snap...

[OperaDiva]

HUGE hugs mama, I'm sorry you aren't getting the support you need! I don't know that I can be much help, but maybe you could give us an idea of your babe's nap schedule, and nighttime routine?

[Wisteriacow]

So sorry you have such a rude pediatrician. Hopefully someone in your tribe can recommend someone better. As far as the sleep thing, I think it's fairly common for LO's to start having sleep trouble around 6months. They tend to go through a bit of a developmental leap around that time and their brains seem to keep them from resting. Is it possible she could be teething? Have you tried any pain medication? Our pediatrician recommended Motrin over Tylenol for teething. She said the Motrin helps with the pain and the swelling where the Tylenol only works on the pain. Also, have you started solids? It took us a few months to realize that DS's restless sleep was partially due to issues with dairy. Good luck and trust that it WILL get better!

[bobandjess99]

I'm sorry. I have 2 kids who are horrid sleepers. Yep, i'm one ofthose moms who has to put herself to bed with her 5 year old, because she wont sleep otherwise. i had hourly wakers for YEARS....as in, still waking every hour at 12-18 months old....some kids just dont sleep, and if you are unwilling to damage them by CIO, it is just really tough.

[labellaluna]

Thank you all som much for your support.
Here is our nap schedule... LO is up for 1.5 -2 hours and than we swaddle and rock. Sometimes you can put her down, most times not. She will sleep anywhere from 45 minutes to 3 hours, but ussually about an hour. IF it is less than and hour I try to get her to go back down, but it is not her ussual to go back to sleep.
Bedtime: We start at 6:45 - bath, nursing, swaddling, rocking, and asleep by 7:30. We are good untill 10- than it's every hour... Recently you just need to pick her up and sway and she is right back to sleep or rock her.Thank you all for taking the time to help...

[soso-lynn]

I don't have any pratical advice regarding better sleep. However, I think it is important to keep in mind that a doctor's purpose is to make sure your child is healthy, not to give advice on parenting. Next time, if he says anythig non-medical, perhaps you can reply with something such as "would that information help you to diagnose any health problem in my child?".

[Kreeblim]

I had a pedi that told me my 9 month old should be able to sleep 12 hours straight without feeding...and that by feeding him instead of letting him scream I was going to give him food issues for his whole life (i.e. make him fat)

Hang in there...6 months is way young to be blaming that type of thing on bad habits. Just a thought though: Is she showing any signs of feeling restricted by swaddling? My kids were all TOTALLY different sleepers, two co-slept, one didn't, but all three HATED swaddling by about 4 months old. It just wasn't their thing.

Honestly it could be anything though...teething, growing, gas, whatever. To have a doctor strictly blame it on you is pretty irresponcible on his part IMHO.

[fruitfulmomma]

" Be very careful here. I have patients who have to LIE DOWN with there SIX!!! year old. Familybeds make babies too reliant on their parents."

My oldest wouldn't sleep without me until almost his 4th birthday and then he switched and has been on his own perfectly happy ever since. The two older girls are in their own beds as well. My fourth one starts the night in her own bed and then comes to our room early in the morning, but she is just three. Baby is a year old and is still comfy in our bed.

Regarding *your* baby, sounds like something else is going on there if this was a switch that just happened. Did you start her on solids, particularly grains? Those can cause tummy issues in babies this young.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

I'm afraid that I don't have any practical advise on getting your baby to sleep. But for a different perspective on the same behavior the ped. was talking about... I still snuggle and lie down with BOTH of my kids. My 6 YO DD still goes to sleep while cuddled in my arms every night (in her bed, and within 5 minutes of turning out the light). And you know what? I LOVE that this is so. I spend far too little quiet, intimate, loving time with her and I treasure those quiet bedtime moments. Why would anyone complain about such sweetness? My 10 YO DS doesn't need me to lie down with him anymore, but I or DH still read aloud to him each night and will lie with him if requested. We have had some of the best, most heartful talks at these times. This is when he will ask all of those difficult questions that I rejoice he asks me instead of his peers and when I learn how he is really feeling. Without these times of connection I would feel much, much worse every day. I LOVE that my kids still need and want me at bedtime, even though they are "too old" by many standards. Do not be afraid to be an attentive nighttime parent now because of the future!

[tikva18]

It could be a growth spurt.

[lulu_n2]

Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom

I LOVE that my kids still need and want me at bedtime, even though they are "too old" by many standards. Do not be afraid to be an attentive nighttime parent now because of the future!

that My almost 4 yo is still in bed with me, and doesn't show any signs of willingness to be in his own bed. Occasionally I wish we could just put him to bed on his own, but the benefits far out way any slight, occasional, inconvenience. This winter, I've found one more benefit... bed warmer He goes to bed at 7:30, so when I get in later, the bed is already warm.

I agree that it sounds like something else is going on (waking up screaming sounds like she doesn't feel good), teething is a likely one at this age.
Have you changed anything in your diet lately, a new favorite food maybe that could be going through your milk? Medications, antibiotics, stress? You might try giving yourself and baby a round of probiotics. Also, don't lay her down right after nursing, this can cause reflux... give it 30 min if you can.

I've seen lots of kids who have something happening all day (itchy rash) but it only really bothers them at night when they are trying to sleep. So the problem could be going on all day, but intensifies at night.

It's so hard when LO can't tell you what's wrong, there's lots of trial and error in parenthood. Change one thing at a time and see if it helps, or not.

What your DR said to you was only his opinion, and an outdated one at that. He should have been more concerned about other possible problems, and less so about your sleeping arrangements.

[Anna's Lovey]

sic months was a terrible time for me too. My lo woke up every hour screaming as well. I cut milk out of my diet when she was about eleven months and she started sleeping a lot longer. As others posted, it could be a an allergy thing.
Reading Dr. Sears books helped me to solidify my stance on continuing to offer comfort as needed rather than doing any kind of sleep training.
Best of luck to you.
I know the sleep-deprivation can be killer. Try to take it easy and realize that this time will eventually pass.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

I learned right here at MDC that asking Pedis for advice on anything other then health related issues or illnesses is a one way ticket to FRUSTRATION and ANGER. I feel your pain, have been where your at, with little to no support/advice/commiseration from ANYONE IRL. The only solace of comfort I can offer is she is probab;y going to hit some developmental milestone or pop a tooth any day, and your nightmare will be over......for now. It will rear its ugly head again. So to get yourself through them, try to remember that this to shall pass. Easier said then done, but just so you know, my little one is a little over 13 months, and just got over his umpteenth sleep regression hump...until next week.

lots and lots of

[Kelly1101]

Originally Posted by labellaluna

Let me start by saying "I NEED SOME SUPPORT!!" I am at my wits end- my 6 mos old has woken every hour on the hour screaming for the past month. Before that she slept like a dream- we cosleep and she would happily nurse back to sleep. Now I have to get up and rock her back and it is becoming too much!!

That sounds a lot like what happened when my daughter was teething for the first time (she's nearly 9 months now). I think a combination of the teething, learning to sit/crawl, she was just in overload.

I know it's hard. But don't question what you're doing, and don't listen to silly-man.

[kashka]

Maybe you're starting the bed time routine to early. What if you slowly shifted it later? Then your baby's long sleep would probably be later. Everyone has there own "bedtime clock". My youngest's has always been around 10. She is a teen now and still goes to bed around 10 or 11.

[dachshund mom]

We had some long lasting sleep regressions here. That's probably it with maybe teething.

Is she napping every 2 hours? DD had dropped to two hour long naps by 6 months. The textbook 2-3-4 pattern. Maybe try keeping her awake more during the day. I agree to try and not swaddle for a couple weeks. 6 months is on the older end for that. You could try putting her in her room for a night an see if she sleeps better. Still go to her, but see if she needs a more quiet room.