Geez. Now he won't even tell me where he lives.

[StephandOwen]

Every year at the beginning of the year I send ex a letter telling him the weekends for that year that I will have ds in ex's state for a visit (and when ds's school breaks are so that ex can take advantage of those and visit ds here ( ). Ex moved at some point in 2009 so I sent him a text (the only way he will communicate with me) earlier this week asking for his address so that I can send the letter out. He's ignoring me And to think I was even *really* nice in that text and didn't say anything about how he stood ds up when we visited for Christmas. And Thanksgiving. And most of the visit for Halloween. Nope. I held my tongue and didn't mention any of that.

So.... I guess my only other option is to send it to his parents house (last known address that I have)? I always send it requiring a signature and return receipt so I'll know *someone* got it. I guess if it doesn't get to him- too bad? I'm not required to do anything more, right? I mean, I could send more and more text's hoping for a response. Or I could email Chickadee (his wife) asking her for the address. But why should I spend my time and energy chasing him down if he obviously doesn't want to tell me when I *could* be spending my time b*tching about him here?!?

[Rosehip]

How rich!

Yes, send to his parents with signature required, etc.

[Ione]

Send it to his last known address, no forwarding, *his* signature required. So it will be returned to you if not delivered to him. Keep it unopened in the exact state it was when it came back.
THEN, when it comes back, send him a text and email (to him alone): "Dear X, I attempted to inform you of DS's scheduled visits to your area and his school breaks should you wish to visit him here. The letter was returned, since I do not have your current address. Please send me your current address so I can re-send the information. Sincerely, you"
Then leave the ball in his court.
Just my 2 cents.

[Goodmom2008]

You can get it put in your court order that he has to provide you with his home address in order to be able to take your child on a visit. This way, if he pulls this crap, you can tell him, no address, no visit.

That may just put an end to his games.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by Ione

Send it to his last known address, no forwarding, *his* signature required. So it will be returned to you if not delivered to him. Keep it unopened in the exact state it was when it came back.
THEN, when it comes back, send him a text and email (to him alone): "Dear X, I attempted to inform you of DS's scheduled visits to your area and his school breaks should you wish to visit him here. The letter was returned, since I do not have your current address. Please send me your current address so I can re-send the information. Sincerely, you"
Then leave the ball in his court.
Just my 2 cents.

Good ideas. The only part that wouldn't work is the email. I don't have an email addy for him, only one for his wife. The ONLY way he ever contacts me is through text. He never calls, won't answer my calls, never writes, never emails, nothing.

Originally Posted by Goodmom2008

You can get it put in your court order that he has to provide you with his home address in order to be able to take your child on a visit. This way, if he pulls this crap, you can tell him, no address, no visit.

That may just put an end to his games.

That's true. I think in our court order he does have to let the court know where he moves (and I'm 99% certain he didn't). But he doesn't ever take ds on visits anyway, I supervise all visits and they are always in public places. Even if I did do that in an attempt for him to "put an end to his games", it wouldn't work that way. He would use that as an excuse as to how I was trying to keep him from seeing ds

[Halfasianmomma]

Steph, I bow down to your magnanimous patience and restraint. I had were in your shoes, I'd have let him have it

[Momtwice]

Then if he only uses text, I would send him this one: (editing others above slightly)

I have the list ready, of ds's scheduled visits to your area and his school breaks should you wish to visit him here. I do not have your current address. Please give me your new address (optional: "as ordered in our court agreement" if true, check the language and quote if appropriate) so that I may send this to you.

And reply to any requests to have it TEXTED or sent to others, with a sentence you have pre-prepared such as "please provide your mailing address as the court ordered so that I can mail it to you."

[LoveOhm]

I would then send what Ione said via text to ex...... on a side note is there a way to keep record of these text messages? Should they be needed in court someday...

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by LoveOhm

I would then send what Ione said via text to ex...... on a side note is there a way to keep record of these text messages? Should they be needed in court someday...

I am trying to figure that out. I've kept them all thus far (taking up a lot of memory in my phone!). However, I got a new phone for Christmas so I need to take the card out of the old one and put it in the new one. I'm now left to figure out how to save all these texts. I think I'm going to just have to type them all out on the computer and save them to a file (with dates/times/message included). I don't have any idea if it would ever hold up in court, but I can't see it hurting me....

[Lesley77]

I've been taking pictures of texts between my ex and I and saving them to my computer. The pics show date/time and I think it may be better than typing them out. I haven't been to court yet though, so take it with a grain of salt

[cycle]

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

I am trying to figure that out. I've kept them all thus far (taking up a lot of memory in my phone!). However, I got a new phone for Christmas so I need to take the card out of the old one and put it in the new one. I'm now left to figure out how to save all these texts. I think I'm going to just have to type them all out on the computer and save them to a file (with dates/times/message included). I don't have any idea if it would ever hold up in court, but I can't see it hurting me....

I doubt typing them out is going to hold up in court, you could write anything you wanted, as could he. You can forward them to your email address from your phone. If you don't have that service then get it for a month if you think you need them. I think you make way too much drama out of your situation. Any lawyer will tell you, as will any google, to send things to his last known address. Thats all you have to do, you know that, if he doesn't want to give you a new address there is nothing you can do, no reason to worry or stress about it. Just send it to the address that you have for him.

[Bad Mama Jama]

i would also second the notion about sending the certified mail to the last address and having it to come back. that seems a bit more official. save the texts and such though because you just never know.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by cycle

I think you make way too much drama out of your situation. Any lawyer will tell you, as will any google, to send things to his last known address. Thats all you have to do, you know that, if he doesn't want to give you a new address there is nothing you can do, no reason to worry or stress about it. Just send it to the address that you have for him.

Uhhh.... k. You could always just stop reading my posts if it's "too much drama" for you.

[cycle]

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

Uhhh.... k. You could always just stop reading my posts if it's "too much drama" for you.

It was meant as advice. The situation you are dealing with is incredibly common and you have been dealing with your ex and the situation for quite a while, it would save you a lot of stress to just not make a big deal out of it. You do your part and you can't control him or what he does. So he won't give you his address - you send it to the last know address and be done with it.

[Captain_Crunch]

Originally Posted by LoveOhm

I would then send what Ione said via text to ex...... on a side note is there a way to keep record of these text messages? Should they be needed in court someday...

Try forwarding them to your email and print them from there. Usually if I do that it also sends the phone # date and time for me.

[Sweetest Confection]

Also wanted to add that some phones allow you to send the stuff to your computer for backup purposes. Via Bluetooth (what I use, as my Samsung Netbook has bluetooth integrated) or USB or something, you can check up on that. Also, of course, e-mail forwarding, as mentioned.