Toddler Discipline - Book Recs

[twinergy]

I have already read Unconditional Parenting, Playful Parenting and Becoming the Parent you want to be. Now I am looking for another discipline book to read. I am really hoping to get lots of examples and tips to help get us through the twos and threes. Thanks!

[LynnS6]

My favorite book for this age group is out of print (but available used, and from libraries) is: Parenting with Purpose by Lynda Madison. I like it because it talks specifically about 1, 2, 3 and 4 year olds. Many discipline books start with things that work for 3-4 year olds, but skip the younger ages.

[joanna0707]

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is a great one
I also hear and read a lot of good reviews about "Connection Parenting" by Pam Leo

[ssh]

I don't know if it's exactly a discipline book but I like Parents, Kids and Power Struggles by Mary Kurcinka.

[Embee]

Loved UP and PP. Aside from those favs I would add: Hold On To Your Kids(Neufeld) and Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves.(Aldort) These four books together make up my "parenting library." I feel they all compliment each other in one way or another, the overall message of all four being how attachment is an important and powerful necessity in our relationship with our children.

I've read others that were very good, but somehow the combo of these four books most closely matched my own instincts and philosophy. I also liked that all of these books are more than just discipline books, but also philosophically rich (along with providing insightful information and useful tools for connecting with our kids).

Happy reading.

Em

[chipper26]

I like Dr. Sears discipline book.

[twinergy]

Thank you so much for the recommendations. Only one of the recs (hold onto your kids) was available on kindle so I read the preview. Now I'm hooked so I bought the book. I'm sure I will be through it soon, so I have also requested Parenting with Purpose from the library.

[Deir]

I know this isn't probably popular here- but I think the Nanny 911 book has alot of great ideas.
I also like all of Kurchinka's books.

[Embee]

Originally Posted by twinergy

Thank you so much for the recommendations. Only one of the recs (hold onto your kids) was available on kindle so I read the preview. Now I'm hooked so I bought the book. I'm sure I will be through it soon, so I have also requested Parenting with Purpose from the library.

I read HOTYK immediately after reading UP. Someone mentioned it on a UP discussion thread; that they liked UP a lot, but liked HOTYK better. I was intrigued. I remember feeling put off a bit by the title though, thinking it might be about protecting our children to a fault as I had picked up another book around that time that had this angle. I learned of course that (happily, THANKFULLY) the angle of HOTYK was a quite a different thing altogether; a whole new perspective from which to consider the importance of attachment between ourselves and our children, and that inviting dependence is what allows the emergence of the true process of maturity, and ultimately what is needed for genuine independence to develop in our children. I just can't say enough about this book... well, except that I loaned out my signed copy, and it has yet to come back to me! I miss it dearly, but I take comfort in the fact that it was well needed by another and that it is in good hands.

Hope you enjoy the read!

The best,
Em

[twinergy]

I am already 28% (kindle doesn't mark pages) through HOTYK and am surprised this book isn't mentioned more often. I agree, at least so far, that it is better than UP. I also think it would have more mainstream appeal because of the adolescent peer pressure angle. When I'm finished I will check back in and let you know what I thought of it. Again, thanks for the rec.

[celesterra]

Originally Posted by twinergy

I am already 28% (kindle doesn't mark pages) through HOTYK and am surprised this book isn't mentioned more often. I agree, at least so far, that it is better than UP. I also think it would have more mainstream appeal because of the adolescent peer pressure angle. When I'm finished I will check back in and let you know what I thought of it. Again, thanks for the rec.

I've seen this title three times this week - I'll take it as a sign! twinergy, do you find it's more theoretical, or is it practical, like you were looking for?

[twinergy]

Thought I would save a few notes while I am reading, there is a lot of new terminology here that I don't want to forget. This is mainly for me, but if anyone other than me is following this I will edit to add new notes right here.


Counterwill instinct: automatic resistance to any sense of being forced. In its natural setting protects the child from being misled and coerced by strangers and fosters the growth of child’s internal will and autonomy. If we are unconscious of both the dynamic of attachment and that of counterwill, we may not be sensitive to where the threshold between the two lies.

Leverage: Euphemisms abound: bribes are called variously rewards, incentives, and positive reinforcement: threats and punishments are rechristened warnings, natural consequences and negative reinforcements; applying psychological force is often referred to as modifying behavior or teaching a lesson. These euphemisms camouflage attempts to motivate the child by external pressure because his intrinsic motivation is deemed inadequate. Attachment is natural and arises from within; leverage is contrived and imposed from without. In any other realm we would see the use of leverage as manipulation. In parenting, such means of getting a child to follow our will have become embraced by many as normal and appropriate... Such tactics, if they are ever to be employed, should be a last resort, not our first response and certainly not our modus operandi... Manipulation, whether in the form of rewards or punishments, may succeed in getting the child to comply temporarily, but we cannot by this method make the desired behavior become part of anyone's intrinsic personality... the more the behavior has been coerced, the less likely it is to occur voluntarily. And the less the behavior occurs spontaneously, the more inclined parents and teachers are to contrive some leverage... the true power base for parenting (attachment) is eroded.

Fostering Maturation: Children not yet mature enough to appreciate the impact of their actions must be provided with rules and prescriptions for acceptable conduct. but such scripted behavior mustn't be confused with the real thing. One cannot be any more mature than one truly is, only act that way when appropriately cued. To say sorry may be appropriate to the situation, but to assume responsibility for one's actions can come only from the process of individuation. Behavior can be prescribed or imposed, but maturity comes from the heart and mind. The real challenge for parents is to help kids grow up, not simply look like grown-ups.

I just found a glossary in the end of the book, never mind.

[twinergy]

Originally Posted by celesterra

I've seen this title three times this week - I'll take it as a sign! twinergy, do you find it's more theoretical, or is it practical, like you were looking for?

So far, it hasn't exactly addressed what I was asking for, but the concept of Peer orientation is why I decided to read the book. I knew somebody that went to Columbine High School, an X-BF's younger brother. Even though I hadn't talked to him for a couple years at the time I still called them to make sure he was OK. Anyway, after watching Bowling For Columbine, I felt Michael Moore really over simplified the root of the issue. Ever since becoming a parent, I knew that attachment had something to do with it, along with economic pressures to put babies in daycare and the dissolution of community. I was planning on asking if there was a book that addressed this issue anyway.

[MommyDOK]

I've read lots of the listed books....I really like Dr. Sears Discipline book.

[twinergy]

Originally Posted by celesterra

I've seen this title three times this week - I'll take it as a sign! twinergy, do you find it's more theoretical, or is it practical, like you were looking for?

Hi Celesterra, I didn't realize it was you. It also seems like we have been responding to eachother's threads a lot this week. Maybe it's also a sign. When my twins were about the same age yours are now I found "Becoming the Parent You Want to Be" useful. I read nearly the entire book before I got to the discipline section. It turns out the part I needed was just a few pages long and I could have read in in a couple hours. Part 2 gives useful for background info on understanding children's feelings so maybe skim. Part 4 is about dealing with difficult behavior, I would also suggest skimming until you get to the more informative parts (usually the lists). Pages 226-239 are list some great tools. There are also some parts in chapters 20 and 21 that merit a closer reading. If you live close to the Tanasbourne area, you are welcome to borrow my copy.

[bendingbirch]

I like "Discipline Withput Distress" - it has things specific to the toddler and is very thorough. I am currently working through it chapter by chapter.
The author is Judy Arnall.