My 4 year old son told me that his father beats him with a "paddle", but there are no marks on him. - Page 2

[DevaMajka]

Moving to Parenting

[tireesix]

Surely though, hitting such a young child must be illegal?

I mean, hitting a 4 year year old child with a hard object has to be illegal, right?

Someone tell me its illegal.

Hitting any child (with a hard object) has to be illegal.

My four year old loves candles, if she reaches for it we tell her no. Why would I need to hit her?

[JBaxter]

Spanking or paddling a 4 yr old is not illegal in most states. It is not considered abuse unless it leaves marks. Now if stepmother does it it may be a different story.

Discuss it with his councelor but legally there may not be much that can be done. He will say... He was touching a candle and I had to teach him not to...

Like the others said dont keep bringing it up to him let his councellor handle it from here on out.

[Barefoot~Baker]

How awful

You & your son are in my prayers.

[angelpie545]

Originally Posted by tireesix

Surely though, hitting such a young child must be illegal?

I mean, hitting a 4 year year old child with a hard object has to be illegal, right?

Someone tell me its illegal.

Hitting any child (with a hard object) has to be illegal.

My four year old loves candles, if she reaches for it we tell her no. Why would I need to hit her?

Nope, not illegal in most states. In fact, most states do not have a minimum age of which corporal punishment is considered a valid form of discipline.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by Eeyore35

Unless he bruises easily, spanking with stick or paddle won't likely leave a mark. I was always spnked with a stick as a child,and the only time it left a mark was once when my dad accidentally hit my leg. That was my fault for fighting it,though. I was a difficult child.

It isn't ok for him to use a stick or padde, not at all. But I wasn't physically abused so hopefully,your son isn't either, altho the spanking needs to stop.

umm...I've had huge arguments here, because my view of spanking isn't totally in line with MDC.

However, if you were being "spanked" with a stick, you were being physically abused. It disturbs me greatly that you say it's your fault that you were bruised on your leg, because you were fighting being hit with a stick. Of course you were fighting being hit with a stick!

[sapphire_chan]

Does the court handling your case know about the restraining order on the stepmother? Because that's surely going to affect how reports of physical violence are handled regardless of the legality of the specific violence.

And no, it doesn't sound like you were pushing him. If anything, it seems more like you were giving him a chance to say that his father didn't actually do anything.





Oh and, :, while it might not be possible to get better custody arrangements because he was hitting your son for touching a candle, you might be able to do something with the fact that the candle was in the reach of a 4 year old at all.

[JessicaS]

It is surprising how hard one can hit without leaving marks.

Your four year old is hurting himself and your ex refused to help with counseling?? How is he hurting himself??

[eepster]

In most places, leaving visible marks is considered the threshold for abuse. Since there were no marks, it most likely will be considered normal spanking not abuse.

Bring it up with the counselor, talk to you lawyer, call CPS and just ask for advice. I think the simplest way to get it to stop is to tell your ex that you don't want him to do it any more, or to threaten it at all (I wonder if it might have been just a threat he made and that he didn't actually do it from what your DS said and the lack of marks left.)

[Mouchois]

I wanted to check in with everyone and thank you all for the support.

I do have to say, the best thing that you can do in a situation like this is speak with your trial judge.

The movement for an expedited trial (made by the father to move my son out of state) has been dismissed for further review of the child's health safety.

I definitely recommend that NO ONE call the cops. In many states it is not illegal to hit a child, mine is one. If was to call the cops I would have most likely looked more like a bad guy than anything.

Thankfully I got the dismissal and I will be able to get my son into counseling asap. The counselor will then be able to determine if his father's house is a safe environment.

Once again, thank you all for all your support!

[sapphire_chan]

and that the trial judge was helpful.

Please continue to update us in so far as you can do so without hindering yourself legally.

[TiredX2]

I'm so glad to hear everything went well.

for your poor little guy and for his great protective mama!

[One_Girl]

If there aren't marks then the spanking is probably legal, it is horrible and should be considered abusive but I doubt that there is a law against it. I think you should tell your spouse what your child said if you have a good relationship. I think you should paraphrase and just tell him that he thinks that his dad and the new wife don't like him because he touched the candles and then ask the dad to talk to him about this and help him know that he is loved. I think it would be awesome if they would remove children from parents who spank, but they won't in most cases and it is important that your child feel loved by both of his parents. If you can't talk to your ex then I think you should write him a letter and let him know what your son said and tell him that since you don't spank it would be helpful for him to explain to your son that he still loves him even though he has chosen to do so.