Do you set the bar for any parenting things and does it affect others? - Page 4

[IntuitiveJamie]

Madskye- I love a great vocab! I love hearing some big words, but it does intimidate me a little! But I'm very good at saying "I have no idea what that means!" LOL Then when they tell me the definition, I try to use that word in the very near future. In fact, I often point out good vocab to the person using it. Like they'll say something and I'll go "oh! Good word!"
Hhmm...I'm a dork!

Both Betsy and Madskye- In thinking about this thread too, I started thinking, what's so extreme that I do? I think people have started to let their imaginations run wild about whats happening at my house! So I've been trying to give tidbits about what it's really like. At an "extreme playdate" (I like that description,) I do not send out invites, I do not have favors. The craft is simple and inexpensive. The decorations are homemade and I keep them up after the party. I do NOT throw one every month. No way. And not every holiday. I threw three extra party/playdates last year. Hardly every month.

I know I don't have to have any bells or whistles, but then again, what would make it a Jamie party? You gotta let your light shine.

And fwiw, when I go to the other peoples houses, or parties, I always compliment a lot. In fact, we went to bday party on Wed at a bounce house place. I told the Mom, "I just know my son's going to want to have a party here. This place is so great, the kids love it!" A few days later, at the party at my house, I let her know that my son did indeed ask to have his party at the bounce house place. I was happy to let her know that we enjoyed her party and location and that my son even may have preferred it. I enjoy giving compliments. I enjoy making people feel good. There's no shortage of me letting people know that I enjoy time with them, whenever, however, wherever.

[LionTigerBear]

Originally Posted by madskye

One thing that will make all of this much easier will be settling into your new area and making friends that really are your friends--not just mothers of other children.

I agree! I think a big part of this isn't that you are doing too much, but just the the friendships aren't actually a very good fit for you. Have you tried meeting some of the homeschooling community in your area? You might try that.

[IntuitiveJamie]

We are a part of one already. We do have other friends. And, I didn't mean to make it sound like I don't want to do these parties with these women aren't a good fit or that I want our friendship to fade, nor do I think they do. I thought I had stated that I really enjoyed them, we're just not all that close. I think you can have Mommy friendships like that. We naturally have spread apart and don't have time and I get all of that. If there was indication from any of them in the slightest that we needed to really just let things go, I would. But they always come to the parties, and they seem genuinely pleased. We all get invited to each others bday parties. The only thing that brought anything diff. on my radar was the husbands comment mentioned in my original OP. Which I actually took as a compliment. I just came here for some interesting discussion, which I've received and enjoyed a good bit.

Oh and I've been in this area for 6.5 years and have fostered many other friendships, but I do appreciate the thought.

[ann_of_loxley]

I am the same as you - I just don't have the money to do any of that! lol
I would love to throw parties for all the seasons and holidays and I am SO crafty and I make excellent cakes too (and if I set the bar on anything, its the cakes...I love making my son cakes ...I love baking period! At least with cakes though, other parents usually just ask if I can make their childs birthday cake)! lmao...But this kinda stuff costs money. Even if you make everything yourself.

If anything - it might be money thats a factor for other people? My son isn't going to school but most of his friends are in school and I know just from others mums experiences that birthday parties can become a kind of 'competition'...it was even mentioned on the news once, that this can be so much so that parents will put themselves in debt just to 'out-do' another childs birthday party so that their child could have the 'best'. Thats a bit silly. But I do think theres that competetive feeling as well. Maybe most people you know just choose to not bother because of that?

Id love coming to all your parties! lmao...Id sit there and dream of being able to afford such things as well. Like when I get invited over to a friends house and her house is like huge and 'wow'! - I just sit there imagining I lived there lmao

[limabean]

Originally Posted by velochic

In reality, there are many people who can't even afford the extra money to buy invitations, turn up their heat for the day when the party is thrown so the kids aren't cold in the house, or use more food stamp money to get treats for the party. I know that might be a hard concept for some people to think about, but it's something that a lot of people struggle with to do even once a year. To do it once a month is just so far beyond imagination that it seems impossible. So, to say it's not expensive is actually relative.

You're right that it can be relatively expensive to throw parties frequently -- in the grand scheme of things, they're definitely a want, not a need. But I just can't get on board with curbing one's entertaining aplomb out of a fear of spoiling the kids. I looooove cooking and having friends over for dinner, so I do so frequently, as do a few of our friends. Our kids come along, and we usually have a couple of activities for them to do and some special things for them to eat. And it can be expensive buying all that food. But I enjoy it, and they enjoy it, and we can afford it. And our kids don't have a sense of entitlement.