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*~*'~* January 2010 - New Year - New Love - New DATING ADVENTURES *~*'~* - Page 2

post #21 of 225
Just got home from my date......

NO physical attraction! None, nada, zero, zilch!

I enjoyed talking to him and felt like he "got it," but I had a hard time just looking him the eyes. I was so afraid to send the wrong message and I just didn't feel anything.

Oh well... it happens!

It was nice, though, to find someone -- meaning a male -- that really seemed to understand me, how I live my life and dig it. Just a reminder that "he" is out there... just haven't come across his path yet.
post #22 of 225
Thread Starter 


So it just isn't there with dark harvard hottie. But a very nice guy.
post #23 of 225
hmm well I think 2010 has brought a halt to my dating life. All that end of year steam has def. run out!!! No more messages from mudpuppy and my HH neighbour is being really weird. I called him a while ago and he barely spoke to me! I am taking him back his movies after supper, so we'll see how that goes! He got a puppy over the holidays and it kept him up last night so he said he might be sleeping, seriously, you're gonna leave me standing out in the minus 20's waiting for you to wake up? He better not be an UVA, I'm gonna invite myself in to see this puppy and the bunk beds he built! you know since I did drive him to every flippin furniture store in town to look at beds! I'm a bit irritated with men today, can ya tell!
post #24 of 225
momanderson, 2010 has barely begun! don't fret! sucks about HH, but he didn't seem all that "in" it for a while. ugh. who knows, i guess. sometimes people are busy and have real reasons?

i realized today i began to fall for artsy p. not very shocking, but stupid on my part. why do i fall for the people i have no chance of a future with? and yet when i broke off my 10 month relationship w/ someone who i could see the future with, i didn't even care a bit and realized i had never really loved him. talk about issues.

in other news, i finally am meeting up w/ another girl from okc. she's very young, but if nothing else we'd likely end up friends. sometimes i feel weird as i'm the only person posting here who is seemingly dating girls and i hope it doesn't bother anyone.
post #25 of 225
Mumblemama: Why would it bother anyone that you are dating girls? I have thought about it myself, but end of the day I don't see myself in a long term relationship with a woman, so wont be going there. Don't worry. Go on and keep us posted - about the girls too - we wanna know
post #26 of 225
mumblemama ~ I have dated women, and it's not something, I DON'T do, but I do find it much harder to meet women, especially now that I've moved...in my old city, I am pretty involved in the whole "downtown" scene, and people are much more open minded, it wasn't an issue ( well, the only issue was the bisexual thing..most girls I dated identified as lesbian, and considered bi to be drama)....and now live in a suburb of a very conservative city, I am already seen as odd just because I had my son as a teenager, and live with and raise my son with someone whom I am not in a relationship...and until I moved here, didn't even realize those kind of things still offended people....so, I haven't really had to chance to meet anyone else in my shoes. The few girls I've met here who have sparked any interest are still WAY into the party scene...and I'm just not.

My dating life is non existant right now....as in nothing. My self esteem is pretty low as well, I was recently shot down by someone who I've been spending time with on and off for a couple of years now. On top of that, I started taking a new medication that I've been avoiding for a few years, because one of the side effects is weight gain ( as in, doesn't just increase hunger, it slows down your metabolism and makes you retain water, I've seen people put on up to 40lbs despite their best intentions while on it)....and this has nothing to do with vanity, I'm not a small girl to being with, and I've managed to put on 10lbs in a month...so even aside from feeling gross, I'm squeezing myself into clothes that no longer fit me, and I realize how that looks, but I don't really have extra money for clothes and am trying to wait until this tapers off before buying new ones....so, bleh. Not to mention that is also makes me fall asleep around 8 pm and sleep again until 7 or 8 in the morning....so dating I think is going to have to be put on hold until I build up a tolerance and can function a bit better.
post #27 of 225
well, I say nothing, but a guy ( who was a friend, and I tried dating during the summer) went away for christmas for 9 days, and during that time I received daily emails telling me he missed me, and loves me. Overbearing to the point that it makes me want to puke. Also, while dating him this summer, a few weeks into it, we went out, I was being social and talking to some male aquaintances of mine, during which he announced " I'm going home now" to which I said, " ok, I'll walk you to a cab, I'm going to stay, I'm having fun" to which he replied " if you don't leave with me, I'm never speaking to you again."

I was like, okay, good enough, then. Which then of course he sent an email apology in the morning, I told him that it was not going to work. I have thought about it many times, and I don't think I was wrong in telling him it was not going to work because of that situation. I HATE feeling like I have to report to anyone or that anyone else has any control over what I do or where I go. And we weren't even in a spot in our relationship where him going home without me should even of been an issue. We had not even discussed being exlusive, and besides that, if he's going to get pissed if I talk to other guys, especially when it's not even involving any sort of flirting even anything that can be mistaken as that, then no thanks. I have explained to him that yes, that is the reason I ended things, and no, I don't care if it was a mistake, it really does make me feel that it would only cause problems down the road.

And now the emails. I don't know how to respond to this, I feel if I reply at all, it will get him going, and seriously, if he's writing to me daily and telling me loves me, he obviously has big time issues, that I don't want to deal with.
post #28 of 225
Monkey's mom: Yep that guy does sound like a big bunch of red flags. I agree it is NOT something you should involve in. Maybe you even need to block his e-mail adress. He sounds like a potential abuser/stalker. Keep your distance.. The thing he did at the party thing a bout leaving. It was a control thing. He was trying to threaten you into doing things his way. If you involve with people like that it will ONLY get worse. So good for you to stay out of it
post #29 of 225
HOW in the world are you guys meeting men?? My ex left Thanksgiving 2008 and our divorce was final Sept 09 - and we werent physical for over a year before he left.... I'm going to explode but have NO IDEA how to even go about meeting a man to talk to - let alone date... Somehow I imagine it may not be attractive to nurse my almost 2 year old on a first date... how did you get started getting back out there??
post #30 of 225
Mumblemama- I know 2010 has just begun, but 2009 seemed to go out with flurry of activity and just seemed to stall! Ya my neighbour, I think he may have been my rebound man! I am seriously not impresssed, and not into stupid head games like that. It's not like I wanted to stay all night and play video games and eat all your food. I really was just gonna drop off the movies, maybe see your new puppy and be gone. Whatever, his loss. I seriously don't think he is ready for or wants to make time for a relationship. If he contacts me fine I'll be somewhat polite, but I need to be the priority not the option when you're bored!
as for dating women, do whatever you feel is right. At the end of the day we are really only accountable to ourselves. If it makes you happy and feels right go for it!

Monkeysmom- that guy sounds way to intense! I don't know if I would contact him again. I agree I don't like to have to answer to someone. If I want to answer to someone fine, but I am an adult and I don't have to check in, your not my parents and I'm not 15 anymore!

So my update! neighbour out, his loss Mudpuppy still sort of in the running, but to be honest I really don't think we'd have enough in common to even make it thru a date!
New guy who I hadn't really mentioned.....he's from pof, we'll call him countryboy,contacted me the first day I joined back in Dec. we exchanged a few messages, nothing big, he did offer to take me out for dinner or even just a soda ( I don't drink coffee). Then I got busy with the kids having chicken pox, Christmas, my neighbour etc. To be honest I was a bit freaked out that I had run into him while out shopping one day. He recognised me from my picture, and he was easy to spot as well. I don't know why it just seemed odd to run into a guy with no kids in the toy department at Zellers. He is on my fb friends list, and he'd probably seen my status about going out shopping I figured. I know I jump to conclusions! Something I need to work on. Anyway last night on a whim after feeling rejected I messaged him on pof. He came on fb chat not long after and we chatted for 4 hours! 4 hours, I was lucky to get the neighbour to talk an hour and even then it wasn't about anything serious or important! So I pretty much know his life story, I think we have similar values, back grounds etc. He is from a very french catholic family. Youngest of six children. Has no kids of his own, but his x wife had 3 boys that he helped raise. Married for 5 years. It sounds as though he did a lot of the house work, cooking looking after her kids and working at least one if not 2 jobs while they were together. So hard working, responsible he owns his own house with 2 acres in the country. no huge red flags except he is maybe a bit to focused on finding a girl friend. He actually took down his pof last night, because he had been on for a year, lots of dates but hadn't found "the One" for him and was too focused on finding her. I don't know if that is really a red flag, or desperation? but it's a new year and his resolution I guess is to not focus so much on that part of life. He is focusing on buying man toys he never had with his x! Like the new to him truck he bought over the holidays and an atv. oh yes and he is a mechanic as well, almost done apprenticing will go for his license in June. Another red flag possibly is that when he was 24 he had a nervous breakdown, he's 33 now. He said it was mainly due to his business partner, he was in some computer business I think he said. After that he moved to Ottawa to live with his sister and changed his whole lifestyle. quit smoking, doesn't drink much at all.
He messaged me on Facebook this morning to say he enjoyed chatting last night and when could we do it again. He also gave me his # if I need anything. I think I might try to set up a date for next weekend maybe! We both like to go out for breakfast so maybe next Sunday morning we could do just that! I'll keep chatting him this week and see.
post #31 of 225
Monkey's Mom - definitely stay far away. Major control red flags there!

- two words: online dating.

MomA - The new guy sounds intriguing. As for the "nervous breakdown," could you get more info from him? What does that mean? Was he hospitalized? Was he Dx'd w/depression, bipolar, or another mental illness? How has he been since then? How did he cope mentally with the stress of divorce? It sounds like he has some pluses - similar values, domesticated, obviously is ok with a woman with kids (does he want to have children too?). Also, did you connect with HH online? I know he's a neighbor IRL, but wasn't he also online?

Mumble It doesn't phase me if you're dating ladies!

So, I'm still talking to/occasionally seeing my squash partner, but now considering it a friendship with possible potential down the road, depending on his career/relocating moves. I've also joined OKC (in addition to the other, smaller site I have been on). I think having kids and being a student is a big turn off to a lot of men I'm not getting a lot of bites. And honestly, the men I'm interested in - educated, with a career, and similar religion to me, just are not biting. Any ideas on how to spruce up my profile or something? I have to also admit that I'm not a very funny profile writer!

I've also noticed a guy I know on both of the sites I'm on. I think he viewed my profile on one site. He *probably* recognized me. His brother (& family) used to live next door to me, but have moved abroad. OKC has put him in my quiver. I only met him once in person, and he seemed very nice. The family is very nice, and most of the siblings live in my town (they grew up here). My hesitancy in contacting him is two-fold: one the awkwardness of contacting someone online with whom you also have an IRL connection) - MomAnderson- what do you think? I think he also may be in the midst of a career change (not sure), and while it may be hypocritical, I don't really want to date someone student/unemployed. I supported my X & am just not going to dive into that again. What do you ladies think? His pluses - he's nice looking, similar values/background, I think he's a real family-type of guy, and quite smart....
post #32 of 225
Rosehip- I will have to ask more about the nervous breakdown, I didn't want to ask too much in our first chat! I do not have a huge problem with it, depending on how he is coping with life now ya know. My best friend is bi polar so I have some experience with mental illness. No the kids do not seem to be a big issue, he likes children. He didn't have any with his first wife because she had her tubes tied and then later ended up having a hysto. He would like to have children if it were possible but would also accept just helping to raise someones children. I am not sure where I am at in regards to more children. I have 5, which is a lot, yet I am not opposed to more, in the right situation. My friends think I am crazy but I see having a child with someone as the ultimate expression of love. I don't really know how to put that into better words. This man comes from a large french catholic family so it is not at all strange to have many kids!

As for your other question, yes HH is a neighbour, but we had not really talked in real life. I friends him on face book in the summer. He also has a pof account, but we have not contacted each other there at all. Just on FB. So I did not find that akward because it's just facebook! If I'd had to contact him through a dating site though I may not have done it! I haven't contacted anyone on pof yet!
I would contact him though, just sort of hey you look familiar did your brother live at 123 anywhere street,. Then go from there? I'd see if he is between jobs/careers. As bad as it is to say I also do not want to date someone unemployed. I have enough to support myself and kids, not looking to pay a mans way too! So go for it and make some contact and see where it goes!
post #33 of 225
Ok, so I waited two days for him to respond and I didn't hear from him so I texted him and he sent me a cute response but he's leaving so...

So, now I am really ready to meet someone. How does the whole facebook thing dating thing work?

Also, I have to say that is so hard to keep up with you gals....seriously, I try but already two pages. Anyway, I will try and keep up and wish you all well on your dating adventures.

Oh, should I pay to join match? or just try some of the other ones first.
post #34 of 225
Originally Posted by goodygumdrops View Post
Oh, should I pay to join match? or just try some of the other ones first.
If you're just dipping your toes in, I might try okcupid. It's free, and if nothing else, the tests/questions are mildly amusing. I have never tried match. I am on one site that I pay for, but it's a specifically oriented religious one, so I feel it's worth it for the filtering it buys me.
post #35 of 225
Thanks Rosehip. I'll check out Okcupid.
post #36 of 225
Hey ladies!!! I'm baaaacccckkkk!!!

I've been busy with the holidays and all so I took a break from dating. I've been sitting back and not worrying with dating but I'm coming back in now. I have two new prospects.

Okay the first one I don't have a name for. He's actually an ex boyfriend but it was in junior high so not much of a relationship lol. I use to go want his baseball games. He has been out while I was at work and reintroduced himself and we chatted a little. He found me and added me to his facebook the other day so now I guess we'll see what he does.

The 2nd one we'll call Rodeo Man. I met him at work too. He's come in a few times and he seems kind of laid back and he's a bull rider. He's been spending time chatting with me when he comes in lately. Friday night he came out and asked for my number. He texted yesterday and stopped by to say hi last night but couldn't stay. He texted again today saying he wants to try to get together sometime so we'll see. He's really good looking and just my type too. I'm really wanting to spend some time with this one and see what he's like.

As far as other updates Brady was a complete flop and I'm definitely avoiding that from now on. The last one (oops I forgot his moniker) was obsessive and I had to ditch him but he's still trying to text and get me to go out with him ugh! Pensive Plumber is still texting too wanting to get together but I'm just not that interested. Hmmm I think that's it on updates from the old ones. I'll try to catch up on all I've missed. We seem to have a lot of new faces here so hi everyone!
post #37 of 225
Thread Starter 


Glad you're back britney! I'm still in London and Soothing Southerner has completly stopped responding to my emails or texts! What the flip?! I thought we both wanted to meet live for a coffee. why not say thanks but no thanks instead of just starting to ignore me? music man is still calling and emailing me. Wednesday we're spending the day together. Today I have a date with an italian singe dad. Tomorrow lunch with an american guy and dinner wit this obscenely sexy english guy. Tonight there's an english guy i invited to my karaoke contest and last night I had drinks with an irish guy at a jazz jan session that I sang at. He didn't seem interested. Neither did anyone I've seen live in ages. I AM A MAN REPELLANT. Sheesh.
post #38 of 225
Don't worry, I have no desire to reconnect with that fellow. I think I will just leave the emails be, and not even respond.

I do feel somewhat like a jerk, I mean we WERE friends. For three years previous, and actually spoke several times a week, and met up at least once a week for coffee or a drink. Then we dated, I did not like that side at all...and now I'm just refusing to speak to him? However, one of my rl friends pointed out to me, " he never saw you as friends. That was all just a game, and really the fact that he followed you around like a puppy dog for three years is creepy in itself"....that seems harsh, but maybe it's true? However, despite the fact that I lost a friend over it, he now leaves a VERY bad taste in my mouth and I need to just move on.

Mom Anderson, that new guy sounds interesting...my extended family is all french roman catholic, and as much I am not a practicing catholic anymore...it must be a thing for me, because as soon as I hear a guy talk about a similar type of family, it makes my heart melt. Haha, one of the things I've rejected for myself, I find sexy in someone else. go figure.

oh and ladies that check out the facebook group....that beautiful guy I posted pictures of...the one I said was dangerous so I wouldn't even go there.....he put a profile up on POF. I find that odd....because believe me, he doesn't have a shortage of women off the internet. His profile is very sweet and he talks about wanting to find a nice woman to settle down with.
post #39 of 225
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by monkey'smom View Post
I find that odd....because believe me, he doesn't have a shortage of women off the internet. His profile is very sweet and he talks about wanting to find a nice woman to settle down with.
Men are full of such crap.

I am still fuming that Soothing Southerner has suddenly stopped responding to any correspondence. I mean, what is that about? Why make long phone calls from the US to me and then when we are in the same town, vanish when all that was planned was a coffee??? urgh.

Hoping Music Man on wednesday ends up being fabulous. Or that this one of the two men I will see tomorrow ends up cool. Lunch with a famous entrepreneur (if you put his name in youtube it confirms it--he's even a television personality on financial programs here in the UK, although he's from california) who helps startup businesses. Coincidentally I want to start up a company so he said he's happily counsel me for free, at the very least, over lunch tomorrow. Then dinner with a recently separated tall, handsome englishman. Hope I at least have lots of fun before leaving London!
post #40 of 225
goodygumdrops- I'd definitely stick w/ the free sites unless you have particular needs that are easier to find on the paid ones. I've always wondered about the facebook dating things but I try to keep facebook a bit separate from dating since I have all of my co-workers and work related people on facebook and need to be careful what I post or what's posted on my wall...

monkey'smom- eew yikes, sounds like baaaad baad news. I think I'd probably send an email that it was all a bit much and space is required and not respond any further.

Butterflymom- sounds like you have lots of prospects! I hope MusicMan is awesome. Weird about Soothing Southerner. I wonder if he was just having fun but isn't available in real life or something. Yuck! MEN!

I'm coming up on my 5 days of being childless, and making plans of things to do. I'll hang out w/ Shy Guitarist-- why?!? I don't know. I feel so dejected about him most of the time and yet he keeps coming back, and he's so absolutely adorable it's hard to resist. Odd to think we've technically known each other a year and yet I don't know him at all. I still feel such a strong connection there, though, but if the walls don't break down this next time I'm so done.

Have a few potentials on OKC right now. Meeting up with two girls from there hopefully, one of which is crazy awesomely hot and only in town for a month, and the other is just very cute and fun looking.
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