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*~*'~* January 2010 - New Year - New Love - New DATING ADVENTURES *~*'~* - Page 11

post #201 of 225
Quick update:

Sunday's date with the Officer went well.
We met and sipped on tea for about 2.5 hours.
It's funny when you get to know someone online and over the phone,
you don't get a chance to see their mannerisms and expressions. So the
1st hour or so, other than his voice, it felt like meeting a stranger. But the longer
we talked the more I was able to make the connection that it was indeed the
same wiseguy that has been teasing me for months. He seems sweet and respectful and like a big ol softy at heart.

While he got us tea, a better table opened up so I moved over to it. Thinking when he came back we could sit side by side instead of across from each other... but he didn't get the hint... even tho I was slid WAY over.. lol

I felt comfortable and confidant. Not nervous at all like the other day. It was nice to feel that way. I am in such a good place when it comes to not feeling needy or desperate. It took YEARS but I am there and getting back into dating is a good test of that confidence for me. As we left, we hugged at our cars, he pecked me on the cheek, I pecked his,then when we separated he went in for a kiss. There was some chemistry, but not like skyrockets going off. He texted later to make sure I made it home safe, then the next day to tease me a bit.

The Photographer emailed me back and wants to meet up for that coffee.
He is only free this week as I am running from work to dd's daycare- so that won't work. He mentioned he is going to LA next week... so we will see how scheduling a meeting goes.
post #202 of 225
whatta_mama: Happy to hear that your date with Mr. OPD () went well!!! Any plans to see him again? We really should hook up, considering we live in the same area!

All is well with Mr. Single Dad.

He emailed me some pictures today, at my request. I forwarded the pictures to my 3 closest gfs and these were some of the comments from two of them:

1. "Well, if you can get passed the ripped chest....(tee hee hee)
...he's got a great face...it looks very kind and loving!!!" ( -- you know who you are!!!)

2. "OMG Holland73! He is so cute! And manly... holy crap! That bod picture is unbelievable!"

Seriously, even I was intimidated by the shirtless picture... it was taken during one of his triathalons. But... I will say he doesn't look like that right now, as he has been out of training for a few months. He starts training again on Monday.

Anyway... he is coming over Thursday night and we are going out for 'burgers n' bowling' in his 'hood (he lives about 20 minutes east of me) on Friday night. He really wants me to see his house, so I am definitely looking forward to Friday. He wants to make a bet (or a dare) on who wins at bowling, especially since he knows that I suck at it. It's gonna be fun!!!
post #203 of 225
Holland: Single dad sounds great You should come to our private spot and SHARE the pics! Hehe just curious..

Whatta-mama: Officer sounds sweet. Good luck with the photographer date.

Here things have been a bit intense with the Manager over the past couple of days. We have chatted on the phone every evening - for between 2 and 3 hours each time. So I feel like I am getting to know him better. He is very communicative about his feelings - very honest and straight forward. In that respect very opposite to LL who only discussed his feelings when under a bit of pressure.. M seems confident in himself, who he is and what he is looking for. He is very easy to talk to and confide in. He already knows quite a lot about my background and story and I know a lot about him too. We laugh and talking with him is just so easy. We have next date scheduled for saturday during the day. I am a bit nervous about the whole thing. It is going a bit too fast I think, but also it is just so easy with him. I am probably not in the best place for this as obviously I am not free of my previous relationship yet, but I had not expected for things to move so fast with the first guy I met, so - I don't quite know how to handle it. I wont tell him about how recent my breakup was at this point, as I am also nervous to scare him off prematurely. Am I being selfish? I really do want to get to know him better as likely the stuff that is holding me back right now has nothing to do with him and everything to do with me, and I want to give us a chance to at least get to know eachother in person rather than over the phone or chat. I am overwhelmed and confused about all this and have expressed that to him - its just - it already feels like some sort of relationship and I had really hoped not to go here so fast so soon kwim. On one hand I already think of him during the day and enjoy his attention.
He chatted me up during the day the other day from work and just told me he was thinking about me. That was really sweet wasn't it. Well I just felt like - WOW- back off a bit here, when really I was hoping to meet a guy who would be able to do just that. I WANT a guy to be into me enough to want to chat me up during the day. But I still told him to back off a bit and he did upon request. I was the one to resume contact and we had a talk about it. He said he feels like he is too old for the dating games, that he wants to be able to be himself and if he feels like chatting me up during the day he feels he shouldn't have to worry about whether that is right or wrong or whether I will take it in a negative way (and really it wasn't he was just being attentive and sweet). And isn't that exactly what we expect from the men we date- that they shouldnt be scared off if we feel like texting them from time to time? I guess if he was acting needy it would be a different thing, but I dont feel like he is needy - just open, honest and definately into me at this point. He has communicated very openly what he is looking for in a future relationship, that he likes me, and that he hopes go get to see where this is going. Fair enough right.
I guess in short I am wondering how to take that step back without seeming like I am not serious or not interested. I am interested. At least in getting to know him better as I don't feel I know him enough - or myself enough - to not explore this. Pheeeww that was long. Sorry - guess I am just a bit messed up and need to get it out to someone..

Also I am not sure what to do about the whole LL business. I still feel like the book is open and I need it closed somehow. Just not sure how to go about it. It is so silly as several of the reasons he gave me for not wanting to continue our relationship are - well not really present anymore. One thing was me not being willing to move long term, but since i am applying for jobs elsewhere right now I may have to move anyway. And the children thing - I was so set on having more kids - but right now I am not sure that is even an issue anymore.. Argh.. I brought this entirely on myself. It doesn't feel all bad though - just - overwhelming..
post #204 of 225
Thread Starter 
Seie: tough love time.

The reasons you two broke up are very much still there. Don't fool yourself.

He never felt like telling you that he loved you, out loud. You needed to shout it from the rooftops (ok, at least on the internet, loudly, to everyone, and probably IRL--no criticism here, I am JUST LIKE THAT).

He never bothered to think about resolving the situation about him STILL BEING MARRIED, though obviously knowing how you felt about it. Never bothered to THINK about how to resolve it, let alone take action and try to come to a solution on that sticky issue you both could live with.

He knew how badly you want more kids and he strung you along with a vague hope that maybe someday you and he would have one, but made it clear every step of the way that he did not want more at any point in the forseeable future and maybe never did. He didn't love you enough to find a resolution to this urgently important issue in the relationship to avoid wasting too much of your time.

Until he finally did. He abandoned you without a conversation about how to potentially work out the discrepancies in what you are seeking out of life and out of a romantic partnership. He eventually loved you exactly enough to leave you, but not enough to do it kindly.

He has abandoned his wife (I don't want to hear a single word about his side of the story about his leaving and why and how horrible she was), and he abandoned his kids and is moving on with his life in another country, with zero contact with his children. You being the most amazing, connected, dedicated mama ever cannot truly, in every corner of your psyche and in the depths of your heart, be 100% ok with that decision of his. You just can't be.

The only reason you think you also couldn't care less about a future baby and aren't having baby fever right now is because your vision of the entire world is missing how he made you feel and feeling despair that you may never feel that again. It's pushed out any potential objectivity or clarity, and you are just simply suffering from a broken heart, the way women have done for thousands of years. And he is sucking it up and moving on, a little more dead inside, the way men often tend to do (but typically not alone for very long).

If all that is not enough for you to feel like the book is closed, then you really need to seek therapy. I love you, Seie, I have gotten to truly love you these past 18 months that we've been so connected from 500 miles apart (I know in my heart we will meet someday, probably not too long from now). But I will tell it to you straight. He is not the one, no matter how much it feels like that. He doesn't love you nearly enough, and he and you are so far apart on such fundamental issues of life & family, that it was a bit of an insane match from the start. I am so, so sorry for how much this hurts and I wish I could take it all away.

:

Continue to talk to the manager, but ask him if he can't be happy with perhaps 30-45 minutes on the phone, and not every single day, because it feels like it's moving too fast for you and you need time to process before being a couple (sorry, but only couples are talking for hours on the phone every night).
post #205 of 225
Quote:
Originally Posted by muse View Post
for anyone that has dated long distance online, how long before you wanted to meet the man IRL?
and would you do webcam with him before meeting IRL?
anyone btdt?

you mamas seem to be keeping busy on the dating scene, i'm impressed. i lost interest totally besides this long distance thing which is complicated. just put my profile back up but am not sure...
post #206 of 225
Muse: How far long distance are you talking about?

I have done SERIOUS long distance, meaning with someone from another country, and US coastal long distance, meaning east coast/west coast. All of those relationships we met when our schedules/finances meshed.

Now, if you are talking just a few hours away... I would want to meet them asap.

My experience with the much longer distances relationships taught me that it is better to meet, in person, as soon as possible. That physical component is a BIG deal and not something to be discounted.

As for webcams... they weren't available when I was involved in the 2-3 long distant relationships from my past. I don't see why you wouldn't... why wouldn't you want to webcam with him?
post #207 of 225
Holland73, Hi...
Well this is Chicago Guy who I talked about on here many months ago. I'm in Berkeley, CA. So a significant distance but not so hard to hop on a plane for the weekend. We've been talking on the phone since sept, have exchanged photos.
Twice he has said he's ready to meet me, then each time something sets him back and he asks me to be patient...each time it ends up getting wierd between us and we stop contact. and then we reconnect again...

I haven't quite figured this connection out but I do know he's someone who wnts to be super super careful before meeting me, doesn't wnat to be disappointed or get hurt...is really looking for "the one"..believes we can know as much by talking on the phone as we need to for now.

He brought up the webcam idea and i said I wouldn't unless I'd already met the person once. I don't know why, it just feels very wierd...especially since on the phone it can get pretty darn sensual sometimes...

I'm trying to figure out my boundaries/expectations. Back in oct i told him i'd like to meet sooner rather than later. At this point I'm not in a rush, having seen him freak out twice, I need to build back some trust...
oy it's complicated and hard to explain to others!
post #208 of 225
Wow Muse - that doesnt sound at all healthy to me. Im sorry, but a guy who is already scared shitless to be hurt and he hasn't even met you yet? Recipe for disaster. And I know what I am talking about as my guy I was with for a whole year skipped on me because he was basically scared to commit emotionally. I know you wont take this advice as obviously you will want to know what this is all about, but noone can make promises to a person they haven't even met. You can't promise him that you wont freak and run the other way when you meet in person. To expect that kind of certainty of you is - well unrealistic and IMO unhealthy. It seems to me the guy has really low selfesteem and is afraid to be rejected. So my advice based on the short story you told is - move on FAST! We are not known to sugarcoat the advice here and I personally like it that way.

Talking about sugarcoating then Butterfly - now that wasn't sugarcoated at all. I am not hurt or anything. I know it is all true. I just wish it wasn't
I am moving on now I think - finally. I wish I could at least look back at the time I had with him and feel it was good and worth it, but I can't. I really am not sure it was worth it in the end Yes I am wiser about myself I guess. It does seem I have a problem with choosing emotionally unavailable men - this guy just hid it so well. He was so reassuring, and he just radiated safety like I can't explain. I never felt as safe with anyone as I did with him, and it was all a lie. I was never safe. I was on a tightrope with my heart on the line the entire time. Goodness..

And now this new sweet guy. Honestly he seems really into me, we have great conversation going and he is intellectually everything I am looking for. And it turns me off that he seems emotionally available? What is wrong with me. This is irrational and pretty darned stupid..
post #209 of 225
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seie View Post
It does seem I have a problem with choosing emotionally unavailable men - this guy just hid it so well. He was so reassuring, and he just radiated safety like I can't explain. I never felt as safe with anyone as I did with him, and it was all a lie.
Sounds to me like childhood stuff may be coming up. He may have felt so safe because he reminded you of home, of one of your parents, who perhaps wasn't/isn't there for you either. That's my experience and that of some very wise single former married mamas I know. It may not be yours but I thought I'd mention that.

Quote:
And now this new sweet guy. Honestly he seems really into me, we have great conversation going and he is intellectually everything I am looking for. And it turns me off that he seems emotionally available? What is wrong with me. This is irrational and pretty darned stupid..
He may be right for you, and he may not. It can be hard to break away from those old tapes that tell us only the dysfunctional ones are appealing. But I think it's fantastic that you are aware of this!!!!!!!! Give yourself some credit for this awareness.

Sorry it hurts.
post #210 of 225
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momtwice View Post
Sounds to me like childhood stuff may be coming up. He may have felt so safe because he reminded you of home, of one of your parents, who perhaps wasn't/isn't there for you either. That's my experience and that of some very wise single former married mamas I know. It may not be yours but I thought I'd mention that.



He may be right for you, and he may not. It can be hard to break away from those old tapes that tell us only the dysfunctional ones are appealing. But I think it's fantastic that you are aware of this!!!!!!!! Give yourself some credit for this awareness.

Sorry it hurts.
wow there is some wisdom here, i can relate to this.

Seie, i thank you for your words...i'm taking them in and will respond soon. and also i am sorry that you got so hurt, i want to read back and catch up before i respond...
post #211 of 225
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momtwice View Post
He may have felt so safe because he reminded you of home, of one of your parents, who perhaps wasn't/isn't there for you either.
This goes for me too!

It has been an on-going theme in all of my past relationships... choosing men that are emotionally disconnected, unable to commit and not truly there for me.

My mother, who -- ftr -- is a wonderful mother, was very emotionally disconnected and unable to be there for me, especially when I was going through something emotional. She'd shut down and oftentimes told me to "just get over it." It wasn't her fault and I blame my parents, particularly my mother, for NOTHING. They are products of their own parents, who were also very emotionally unintelligent. My mother's father was also an alcoholic, which also plays a huge role in my mother's emotional disconnect.

Only recently, with the help of a great therapist and some amazingly insightful friends, have I started to really understand and become more aware of the situation and my patterns... in ALL of my relationships, including my relationship with my son. That awareness has been pivotal in my healing process and continued personal growth.
post #212 of 225
Quote:
Originally Posted by muse View Post
Holland73, Hi...
I'm in Berkeley, CA. !
Hey, I live in Oakland!!!! We are practically neighbors!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seie View Post
Wow Muse - that doesnt sound at all healthy to me. Im sorry, but a guy who is already scared shitless to be hurt and he hasn't even met you yet?
I agree, Muse.

Honestly, what is your pull to him? Are you hoping to "save him?" Hoping to prove to him that YOU won't hurt him? I mean, seriously... what is it about him that is drawing you in over and over? Be brutally honest with yourself about those answers. Although, honestly, a lot of time it has more to do with us than it does with them.

The one thing I learned from my last relationship... NO more projects!!! Everyone has emotional baggage, but there is a difference between having such baggage and being have to deal with it in a healthy manner versus letting it consume your life and choices.

This man seems to be consumed and controlled by his baggage.
post #213 of 225


Hi all.

Muse, I dunno about Chicago guy. I just don't. I guess I'm with everyone else, in wondering what it is that draws you in. And when you say that after him retreating, hard, twice, you now don't want to push for a meeting, is that because you are afraid of him retreating again, or because your own expectations have changed? And what are you doing IRL as far as socializing? Those things, make a difference, to me, in terms of what advice I might give as far as a next step, or not, with Chicago guy.

Holland, glad things continue to go well..

Seie. You are an amazing person, so willing to hear the hard, tough love, and so willing to do the reflective work and grow, no matter how much it hurts. Hang in there honey!

I know there are more of you I should be responding to, but I need to get my butt off the couch and do some cleaning while I can..

Quick update on me -- I was in a major funk, for lots of reasons, this weekend, and while I spent a 24 hr chunk with ATG, and told him that we had to have a "Talk", I wasn't up for doing it, and told him that as well. I ended up writing the bulk of my concerns out in an email (I def. prefer writing on the tricky stuff, like to be able to choose my words carefully). He was very reassuring, and sweet, in a general way, and then when he came over on Wednesday, we had our "talk". So we're officially exclusive. We talked about the label for what we are to each other..."boyfriend" sounds too much like "stepfather" to him, and "lover" sounds too much like "plaything" to me. So we settled on "sweetie".

So I officially have a monogomous sweetie. I'm pretty happy with that.
post #214 of 225
Quote:
Originally Posted by sugarmoon View Post

Quick update on me -- I was in a major funk, for lots of reasons, this weekend, and while I spent a 24 hr chunk with ATG, and told him that we had to have a "Talk", I wasn't up for doing it, and told him that as well. I ended up writing the bulk of my concerns out in an email (I def. prefer writing on the tricky stuff, like to be able to choose my words carefully). He was very reassuring, and sweet, in a general way, and then when he came over on Wednesday, we had our "talk". So we're officially exclusive. We talked about the label for what we are to each other..."boyfriend" sounds too much like "stepfather" to him, and "lover" sounds too much like "plaything" to me. So we settled on "sweetie".

So I officially have a monogomous sweetie. I'm pretty happy with that.

Yay for you!!!!

btw: I am also a bigger writer than talker when it comes to situations like that.
post #215 of 225
Just jumping in to say... yay sugarmoon!
post #216 of 225
Thread Starter 
Yay, sugar!!!!!

and muse..... no. no. no. no. You aren't arming yourself with exploring other options and being objective. You just aren't. Try to.


Seie, thank god you aren't mad at me for my brutality!
post #217 of 225
Mamas i thank you all for your input, truly. You are all saying much the same as my my friends IRL, except for a few. I too was saying much the same at one point.

I'll preface this by saying, maybe I'll be back on hear sobbing and asking for sympathy when this all blows up, but here's where i am, right now:

I have never ever known a person like him. When we talk on the phone we laugh, cry, sing, learn, grow...we could talk all night easily, night after night. It's quite otherworldly. The telepathy between us is downright uncanny. The amount of connections between us are numerous. When I first saw his photos i nearly fell off my chair, I felt like I'd known him my whole life. He moves me in so so so many ways. He is hilariously funny. His mind is so sharp. His political/ethical convictions impress me. I feel very connected to his spirituality. He is oh so very handsome/cute/sexy. His voice is...aaaaaah!

Last night he phoned when i was at the piano, playing My Funny Valentine. He told me that years ago he rewrote the lyrics. So then there I am playing piano and there he is singing his beautiful version of it, and - BLISS! and from there we talked for 2 hrs about our connection, about where we both feel vulnerable, about our patterns in relationships, our fears as we approach intimacy...he apologised for some of his behavior, and explained to me what had happened for him. He talked about what he's working on, how he's growing through all this.

I don't think he's scared shitless so much as wanting to be very careful and intentional. Being clear about what he wants in a relationship instead of rushing into something excitedly, and losing his calm/center (his words). he knows himself very well. I do think there is a rigidity there in some ways, a fear, but i found out he's a capricorn, read up on cap males and wow, that's him all over, and he's pursuing this in a typical cap way, carefully, slowly, deliberately, asking me to be patient...

Last night he did bring up again the idea of him coming out here, and this time it was me saying, no rush. In my mind spring would be good. Right now I feel like I'm in my own place of working on my self, and it's a good thing. He didn't bring up the webcam thing.

I feel like I've grown more in the 4 months I've "known" him than I did in so many years of marriage. i also feel like it's brought me back to my self, (he says the same); I'm back in therapy, meditating regularly, exercising, playing music...my work is better than ever...socially i am happy, enjoying friends, playing music with people, getting out a lot. In terms of dating I wouldn't let this connections stop anything else from happening, and I've had my profile online, but I haven't felt any attraction to anyone. had a few dates and my best male friend who i love confessed his love for me, but none of that is doing it for me..

Historically..I don't date a lot. I make very very deep connections with a man - usually quickly - and we fall head over heels in love & deep friendship. I wouldn't say any of my partners have been dysfunctional, they've all been incredible beautiful men I am grateful to have known. They have all had some shit or other to work through, but so do I. And one thing I've learned about "soul mates" which I believe CG is to me - is they can help us grow in so so many ways. It may not always be easy. In fact they can trigger more in us than anyone else. But there's great potential for evolution there. Whether that means we will ever meet and fall in love, who knows. But I've grown up some in this process. I've let go of some expectations/needs. I'm enjoying it for what it is. If he freaks out again, i will probably let it go. Im sure I would be *heartbroken*, honestly. Maybe I am kidding myself to think this might ever bloom into a real life relationship. But right now, esecially after last night, i am in awe of our connection.......

Ok did I say enough?!!!!
post #218 of 225
Well, ladies. I've been striking out big time. So, my squash partner, with whom a "relationship" never developed but with whom I've built/maintained a little friendship seems to be moving, as I suspected. He emailed me a listing of his new apartment in the other city. He called me and then I called him, but both @ bad times when we couldn't really talk yesterday and today. I'm a bit disappointed (he's the only person I've gotten close to dating who has seemed kind, responsible, intelligent, etc. - most of the things I want), but am also REALLY glad he was the first date I went out on right out of the divorce gate. It was like a really nice set of training wheels

Then...two weeks ago I went out for a drink w/a lawyer (let's call him litigator) I met on okcupid. I came away thinking he was intelligent and could hold an ok conversation but with a vague sense that...well....I wasn't sure. Was he too stuffy? Too old for me? But I figured I'd give it another go. Oh, good grief. We went on a second date and it was AWFUL. He's one of the most arrogant obnoxious people I've ever met. It was unbelievable. I was seriously wondering how I could escape. If the bathroom had a window I would have climbed out. I finally faked a sinus headache & insisted he take me home.

Then, there's lawyer #2 (I'll call him trial lawyer). A few weeks ago, we talked on the phone after back & forth on match. It was a remarkably "easy" conversation if that makes sense. We made tentative plans for a Sunday coffee date. He never followed up to confirm, and when I checked on match, his profile was gone or hidden. Whatever. Then, a few days after our coffee that didn't happen, I get a text saying "When R we going out?" After some back & forth, we settle on tonight. On Monday (today's Sat), I text him asking for suggestions of where to go.

I don't hear back from him until about 1 pm today when I get a match email. He suggests meeting at a nice restaurant in town @ 7:15.

I say that sounds great.

He replies, "Ok, 7 o'clock. And I just want you to know that the photos on match are from 2007 before I had a life threatening illness the treatment for which left me hairless. I just wanted to be upfront."

Me: "Ok, well, it's just hair! Just to confirm - 7, right (since it had changed from 7:15)?"

Him: "The bar at restaurant XXX is going to be packed on Sat night. Let's just meet cas at Starbucks & if we want we can then head over to restaurant YYYY (restaurant YYY is much more of a bar & less nice than the original suggestion)."

Then I call him, he doesn't pick up so I leave a vmail: "Hi, it's Rosehip. I wanted to clarify plans. Do you want to meet up at restaurant YY @ 7? Let me know." (I honestly had NO interest in going to Starbucks @ 7 on a Sat night, esp after I'd agreed to go to a nice place. I'm sure he was screening his calls & didn't pick up.)

He leaves me a message back: "Sure, I can meet you at restaurant YYY. Or we could go to Starbucks, if you'd rather. Just text me to confirm."

I text: "7 o'clock @ restaurant YYY. See you there."

Him: "K"

@ about 5:30 pm, him: "I'm running late. I'll meet you @ 7:20, ok?"

Me (TOTALLY fed up at this point): "Tonight sounds a bit too hectic. Let's maybe do this some other time."

Him: "C U @ 7."

Me: "Not tonight. Too many changes of plans at this point."

Him (he calls leaves a vmail): "I'm on my way, I'll see you @ YYY @ 7."

then texts: "U R not going to stand me up. It will be good to meet you. Meet me at the restaurant @ 7. You can end it early if it's not there."



OMG! I just blocked him on match, and stopped answering calls/texts. I just have a real sense that he's an awful, arrogant, smarmy jerk who was trying to see how far he could get me to kowtow to his whims, and pull the old bait & switch. All this drama before even a single date!

Ladies, I'm not having any luck here.
post #219 of 225
Muse: It sounds like you are walking into this with your eyes open and like it is something you need to explore. Good luck. I hope it works out

Roseship: I am amazed you hang around that long - good for you to stand him up. He was clearly not a good guy to hook up with. If he can't even follow up before meeting it wont get any better down the road. Wise decision to block him..

Been on second date with Manager. I am so so confused. It's going so fast - I enjoy his company so much but there are things about myself I am not at all certain about - like my feelings for him - no idea what they are - if they can devolop, it it's enough?? I am just - really confused. We click really really well personalitywise.. there is still just.. With LL I had this complete certainty already after our second date - I really had that feeling - like - this is my man! But then again that didn't work out so well except I had my heart shattered so obviously there were some very strong feelings involved.
Manager is so open and honest - I know exactly where he is at at this point. He is very loving and dedicated already, looks at me with real warmth and listens with real interest. At some point I had gone out to fetch some stuff from my car and I came back and he was on the computer. I jokingly asked if he had gotten any fan mail (on the dating site) and he looked surpriced and said he had put his profile on standby (hidden) so he wouldnt be getting any mail. I wonder if - had I met him before LL - I would be head over heels by now?? So many unknowns and I feel like I need to make some sort of decision soon as I don't want get his hopes all up if I am not going to follow through.
It seems like he is a person I could just easily slip into a good relationship with, but - after LL I am just not sure good is good enough anymore? Fxxx
It helps a bit writing that all out. I do really enjoy his company so don't think I could cut him loose already? Am I being selfish? Argghhhh...
post #220 of 225
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seie View Post
So many unknowns and I feel like I need to make some sort of decision soon as I don't want get his hopes all up if I am not going to follow through.
seie, i wonder what's the rush to make a decision? how can you truly make one until your heart tells you the right thing to do?

here's what i'm meditating on for myself...slow down, be patient, put expectations aside, grieve past/lost loves - heartbreak can take a long time to recover from (i still mourn a boyfriend who died 10 yrs ago, and i still mourn the marriage that i chose to leave) - and mostly not to try to force any decision especially for someone else's benefit. i think we know when i know, one way or another. at some point it will be clear that it's not working for you, or it is. and meanwhile, *most important* to me is taking care of myself, working on myself, and like you said, keeping my eyes open but also my heart open.

rosehip WELL handled. yuck, what a jerk.
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Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Single Parenting › *~*'~* January 2010 - New Year - New Love - New DATING ADVENTURES *~*'~*