How to respond- ignore crying infant & tend to toddler? - Page 4

[karkli]

As others have mentioned, the advice to address the older child before tending to the newborn goes beyond just Who will remember being slighted by mom?

If the toddler and the newborn are both crying and their needs for you are equal (and neither is in danger of physical injury), tending to the toddler first is wonderful advice, as far as I'm concerned. A toddler is likely able to understand that their needs are equal, but Mom is choosing to address baby brother/sister first, every time. Even the most AP-nurtured toddler can be prone to jealousy issues when there is a new baby in the house. Personally, I think it is VERY AP to take this natural reaction on the toddler's part to heart and address his/her needs accordingly.

That doesn't mean babying the toddler or always prioritizing him/her over the newborn, but it does mean acknowledging and empathizing when possible.

Of course, ideally, the original suggestion of slinging babe and tending to the toddler is probably best but during a c-section recovery that may simply not be possible.

Best response to the FB comment, in my opinion: "Thanks for the advice. I'm sure we'll figure out what works best for us!"

[mamadelbosque]

Yeah, I have to say, I'm pretty dumfonded at the idea that baby will ALWAYS come first. I mean, seriously? If my toddler's cracked his head on the floor cause' he fell off the chair and baby happens to need changed, I should change baby THEN tend the toddler?? Seriously?? I don't think so! There is *NO* one-size-fits-all approach. But I can tell you that, generally speaking, I can get DS1 to stop crying and be happy by taking the minute to go get a glass of water or grab an apple or orange or cheese stick from the fridge. But DS2 is likely to need nursed (15+ minutes), changed (2-5 minutes), or something else that takes a bit longer. So, I take the one minute to get DS1 happy and then can take my time with DS2, cause' I'm not listening to DS1 whine and cry cause' HE's hungry or thirsty or whatever. The idea that I'd be better off tending to DS2 and making DS1 unhappy for 15 minutes or more is just... insane to me. But whatever.

[mm22]

Originally Posted by bluebunny

My third child is a month old and I have let her cry a few minutes while I tended to the older two -- one in the potty, one spilled something all over the floor that the dog was getting into...things happen. I am very anti-CIO but I don't see where I, being one person with two hands, can always tend to everyone's needs at the same time.

lol... I just had to respond to this as with my almost-3-year-old and my 13-month-old, I often wish I had 2 of me, and yes, 4 hands!!

[Just Kate]

Originally Posted by mm22

lol... I just had to respond to this as with my almost-3-year-old and my 13-month-old, I often wish I had 2 of me, and yes, 4 hands!!

I think every parent does. I could have used the extra hands and a double even when I only had one child.

(Then I could have been super mom )

[mm22]

Originally Posted by Just Kate

I think every parent does. I could have used the extra hands and a double even when I only had one child.

(Then I could have been super mom )

Agree!

I sometimes wonder though, are we trying too hard to be "Super Mum"?

Also, how do mums with more kids handle it all and stay sane and so collected?!! Salute!

[orangefoot]

Originally Posted by mm22

Also, how do mums with more kids handle it all and stay sane and so collected?!! Salute!

I am not always sane and am infrequently collected

[moaningminny]

Originally Posted by amandaleigh37

I haven't read the thread, just the OP.

I don't think your friend's comment was saying it's "ok to let the baby cry" at all. But when you have two children who both have an immediate need (which thankfully is not THAT often, at least in my experience so far), the reality is that you DO need to choose who to help first. Sometimes it will be the baby, sometimes it will be the toddler. So in that sense, I don't agree with her that it should ALWAYS be the older child, but I don't think it is bad advice either. It's just a reality when you have one person caring for two children.

This is exactly how I look at it. I would have loved to have tended to both my daughters at the same time, but sometimes it just.isn't.possible.

[Grace and Granola]

Originally Posted by orangefoot

I am not always sane and am infrequently collected

[sewchris2642]

Originally Posted by mm22

Agree!

I sometimes wonder though, are we trying too hard to be "Super Mum"?

Also, how do mums with more kids handle it all and stay sane and so collected?!! Salute!

Because my goal was never "put baby/toddler first". I put needs first, regardless of who's needs they were. So sometimes I came first, sometimes dh came first; and sometimes one of the girls did. Because Dylan is so much younger than his sisters, his needs probably came first more often than their needs/wants. And I'm way too lazy to ever aspire to be "Super Mom".

[LaughingHyena]

One of the best pieces of advice I got was to tell each child what you were doing and why. In many ways it was more important for me to explain to DS (my younger child) that I was putting him in his bouncy chair to go and fetch and drink for DD, then I would feed him.

I really think it helped DD to notice that I did tend to her needs first sometimes (she was 2 1/4 when DS was born). She heard plenty of I'm feeding DS, when he's asleep we will be able to do X.

Otherwise my ordering was something like
Anyone bleeding or injured
Helping older one on the toilet
Quick fix (eg open the toybox, fetch a banana)
Nappy changing
Feeding DS

[Grace and Granola]

Originally Posted by LaughingHyena

One of the best pieces of advice I got was to tell each child what you were doing and why. In many ways it was more important for me to explain to DS (my younger child) that I was putting him in his bouncy chair to go and fetch and drink for DD, then I would feed him.

I really think it helped DD to notice that I did tend to her needs first sometimes (she was 2 1/4 when DS was born). She heard plenty of I'm feeding DS, when he's asleep we will be able to do X.

great advice