Argghh! Dh wants it all.

[Fuamami]

I don't know what else to say. He doesn't pay the bills, he begs money from his mom when we're broke, and he refuses to stick to a budget. Then, he's outraged that I'm upset. This is driving me crazy.

[Chicky2]

Who is in charge of the finances? I'm assuming you? Sounds like he needs a reality check.

[AngelBee]

[Fuamami]

Originally Posted by Chicky2

Who is in charge of the finances? I'm assuming you? Sounds like he needs a reality check.

Yeah, it's me. He's pretty clear on our financial situation, he's just not willing to make any more sacrifices. I detest having to "borrow" money, especially from his parents. But it's no big deal for him. Ugh.

[Chicky2]

I'm sure it would bother the heck outta me, too. Has he considered getting a part time job, or selling some stuff on Craigslist for some extra cash? Does he have a skill he can turn into a side business?

[goobergrl6]

Not sure how this would work but could you call his parents and tell them to cut him off LOL I know it sounds odd but it might be his wake up call. If he knows that if he overspends they are there to give him money he has no incentive to change.

Lisa

[dachshundqueen]

Buddy needs to man up.

Liz

[Pariah]

I put up with this for five and a half years from my ex, and it was a major contribution to our divorce.

If he knows that if he overspends they are there to give him money he has no incentive to change.

Exactly. My ex's parents have held his hand, made excuses for him, and bailed him out for his entire life. Now he's almost 30 and they're scratching their heads and can't figure out why he has no concept of responsibility or accountability.

[annethcz]

Can you switch to a cash system and ask his parents to stop lending him money?

[VisionaryMom]

Have you talked to him about why he's spending? As a recovering compulsive spender, it's important to get at the why. Comments like "man up" just aren't helpful (responding to other posters, not to your comments). For me, trying to justify some of my individual purchases to DH made me realize I'd bought things that we certainly didn't need and that I didn't even know why I got. It hasn't been an overnight fix for me to stop spending, but it's gotten much, much better.

[Fuamami]

Thanks all for being supportive. I feel like I need to come back and defend dh a little bit, as I was having a bit of a tantrum yesterday.

We have had some incidents in the past couple of months, but it's not really as bad as it sounds. And when I said he doesn't pay the bills, I didn't mean that the bills don't get paid, I meant that he doesn't have to deal with the stress of robbing Peter to pay Paul that I have to do to get things paid.

I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I was angry over him buying a $20 prime rib for New Year's dinner. It was a great deal, it was 7 pounds, but I just felt frustrated. The other incident was at the beginning of December when he went to the dentist and got 5 fillings, which cost $700, and he paid it with cash. I'm trying to be his bookkeeper, and that was money he had been paid for a job and we needed to record and pay taxes on. It makes it very difficult. I am going to take a small business accounting class, and we're getting an accountant.

And, he has only borrowed money from his parents in the last four months, which have been very tough. Once we decided not to pay our mortgage anymore he hasn't borrowed any more from them. he really doesn't have a history of overspending and running to them. He's really very frugal, but we do have to figure out the accounting. And, when he needs something, like new tires or fillings or whatever, he always just pays for it, whether the money is there or not.

Anyway, thanks for your support, everyone. And for letting me vent and throw my fit on here.