Charting to Avoid/Fertility Awareness, JAN 2010 - Page 9

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by Kimmiepie

DH and I have talked about birth control options but we both hate the hormonal ones, I hate condoms with a passion (they hurt me) and he's religiously opposed to surgical options. So I don't really know what all is left besides w/d.
The thing that drives me nutso about dh and FAM is that he uses w/d throughout the WHOLE cycle...even well after ovulation. I've told him a billion times that it's impossible for me to get pregnant 3/4 days after O and onward but he won't have it. I told him we might as well not even chart then and just use w/d the whole time...what's the point of me wasting me time? I continue to do it though in case there is an "oops" and I like to know if my cycles are normal or if there is anything I need to look out for. It's still frustrating with dh though.

I can't stand condoms, either. I don't know that they really hurt me but they don't feel good at all. When we've dtd with condoms that's all I can think about. Not enjoyable at all. My dh suggested a vasectomy but I told him I would be very upset if he did that. Not only do I still want the possibility of having another child some day, I'm not convinced that surgical sterilization is as safe as everyone says. I've known people who've had vas reversals because they decided they wanted more children only to find out they are still sterile because of sperm antibodies. Who knows how else that might affect a man's health.

What about using abstinence just during your fertile window? Or is it too long? That's part of my issue with abstinence. My cycles are so long and irregular with weeks of potential fertility based on CF and horrible cramps during my lp that make dtd nearly impossible that we'd never dtd using abstinence. I feel like w/d is our only option at this point.

[BettinaAuSucre]

My partner keeps waffling between wanting a kid and not.

last night he was rubbing my tummy, and saying he wanted to TTC now.

but earlier that day, he said he wasnt sure whether kids were a good idea.

i am so freakin confused! not sure whether i should go or not.

[Kimmiepie]

Originally Posted by BettinaAuSucre

My partner keeps waffling between wanting a kid and not.

last night he was rubbing my tummy, and saying he wanted to TTC now.

but earlier that day, he said he wasnt sure whether kids were a good idea.

i am so freakin confused! not sure whether i should go or not.

s: Men can be so confusing on this issue. I hope that he makes a decision soon, for your sake!!

Originally Posted by MarineWife

I can't stand condoms, either. I don't know that they really hurt me but they don't feel good at all. When we've dtd with condoms that's all I can think about. Not enjoyable at all. My dh suggested a vasectomy but I told him I would be very upset if he did that. Not only do I still want the possibility of having another child some day, I'm not convinced that surgical sterilization is as safe as everyone says. I've known people who've had vas reversals because they decided they wanted more children only to find out they are still sterile because of sperm antibodies. Who knows how else that might affect a man's health.

What about using abstinence just during your fertile window? Or is it too long? That's part of my issue with abstinence. My cycles are so long and irregular with weeks of potential fertility based on CF and horrible cramps during my lp that make dtd nearly impossible that we'd never dtd using abstinence. I feel like w/d is our only option at this point.

Well, I had about 12 days of creamy/watery this cycle and due to religious reasons we can't have sex for the first 7 days of my cycle. So it really cuts out on DTD. The main reason though is that I really enjoy sex during my fertile time and at other times I don't nearly as much. I feel that cutting it out at the time I enjoy it the most is kind of unfair to me, as I really want to enjoy sex too. We were just arguing about that this morning. He wants to use a condom or abstain during anytime I have fertile type fluid, and like I said he already w/d ALL the time no matter where I am in my cycle (as a matter of fact, he even w/d when using a condom!) so I'm just feeling like...to put it nicely...sex is going to suck for me from here on out. I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I understand not needing another child right now, but it sure can put a damper on things to have to be so careful. We'll get it figured out. Thanks for commiserating with me.

AFM today: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2be681 It feels as if AF is at my doorstep, but this is the longest cycle I've ever had. I have alternating AF and pregnancy symptoms so I'm not sure what to think. I don't have any tests so don't tell me to take any!! I guess only time will tell.

[MarineWife]

BettinaAuSucre ~ My dh confuses me, too. He's the reason I joined this group. He's the one who said no more babies. I want to not try but not prevent and I really don't like CTA. He agreed to w/d after reading the info on it and I refused condoms or a vasectomy. However, when it comes down to it, he hasn't been very good at the w/d part. He's gotten me pg twice from not making any attempt whatsoever to w/d, absolute user failure. He doesn't talk about it, either, so I have no idea what he's thinking. Last time we dtd, he actually kissed my belly afterward, something he's never done before. I got pg from that.

Originally Posted by Kimmiepie

Well, I had about 12 days of creamy/watery this cycle and due to religious reasons we can't have sex for the first 7 days of my cycle. So it really cuts out on DTD. The main reason though is that I really enjoy sex during my fertile time and at other times I don't nearly as much. I feel that cutting it out at the time I enjoy it the most is kind of unfair to me, as I really want to enjoy sex too. We were just arguing about that this morning. He wants to use a condom or abstain during anytime I have fertile type fluid, and like I said he already w/d ALL the time no matter where I am in my cycle (as a matter of fact, he even w/d when using a condom!) so I'm just feeling like...to put it nicely...sex is going to suck for me from here on out. I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I understand not needing another child right now, but it sure can put a damper on things to have to be so careful. We'll get it figured out. Thanks for commiserating with me.

I thought about the sex drive thing later. We don't dtd while I have because I don't like it. The only time I'm really interested in dtd is when I'm fertile so abstaining then while feeling like I had to make a huge effort (waking back up after getting the LOs to sleep, sneaking off to another room and having to stay awake afterward in order to sneak back into our bed) at other times would not be fun for me. But then, the situation I was in before I didn't even want to dtd during my fertile time if dh was going to w/d and there'd be no chance I'd get pg.

[BettinaAuSucre]

thanks for the support. I would get pregnant now if he said he was ready and stuck to it. but he keeps going back and forth between wanting but waiting, and not wanting at all.

how do i get him to finally settle? i need to figure out BC options if he doesnt want one.

[Toolip]

I just got a new thermometer and I'm giddy about it

This is only my second cycle, my first one I was using a regular digital thermometer and I got temps all over the place, despite being pretty consistent about taking my temp regularly. It kind of freaked me out because I also didn't get much CF when I expected to. Hopefully it was the thermometer!

So I got this thermometer and I tried it for the first time this am.

Anyhoo, I was considering temping vaginally because sometimes I sleep with my mouth open and I was thinking that might be part of the problem. So I tried it this morning, seemed fine. Then I was reading the directions and it specifically said to use rectally or orally, only.

Sooo, is it really ok to temp vaginally? Is it accurate? Does anyone temp rectally? That seems like an awfully harsh offense first thing in the morning!

[Kimmiepie]

Sooo, is it really ok to temp vaginally? Is it accurate?

Yes it is reliable! I think even moreso than orally. I have never heard of temping rectally...don't think I want to try that.

Well I buckled and went and got a Dollar Tree test today. It was BFN. I"m only 9dpo and my + tests don't show up until 9dpo on a FRER which I realize is more sensitive than $Tree. When should I try and test accurately with a $Tree? 11dpo maybe?

[lyterae]

Originally Posted by Toolip

Anyhoo, I was considering temping vaginally because sometimes I sleep with my mouth open and I was thinking that might be part of the problem. So I tried it this morning, seemed fine. Then I was reading the directions and it specifically said to use rectally or orally, only.

Sooo, is it really ok to temp vaginally? Is it accurate? Does anyone temp rectally? That seems like an awfully harsh offense first thing in the morning!

I don't know what the actual "rules" said in regards to my thermometer but I temp vaginally. When I first started temping (in 2005) my temps were very erractic due to sleeping with my mouth open. I haven't had any problems with it.

[AnnieA]

Originally Posted by Kimmiepie

Yes it is reliable! I think even moreso than orally. I have never heard of temping rectally...don't think I want to try that.

Well I buckled and went and got a Dollar Tree test today. It was BFN. I"m only 9dpo and my + tests don't show up until 9dpo on a FRER which I realize is more sensitive than $Tree. When should I try and test accurately with a $Tree? 11dpo maybe?

If you haven't gotten AF in a couple of days then yes you should test again. I just noticed on your chart, you DTD twice on CD 20. Were those both using W/D? How many hours apart did that happen?

[GriffsKat]

Second month of an 8 day luteal phase. Grateful it's helping me in our endeavor to not get pregnant. But wondering, is this going to go away? Is there concern in other areas because of this? Am I ok with just letting it go? Now I am spotting, so it might not be. I haven't started flowing yet.

[Eresh]

Originally Posted by Toolip

Anyhoo, I was considering temping vaginally because sometimes I sleep with my mouth open and I was thinking that might be part of the problem. So I tried it this morning, seemed fine. Then I was reading the directions and it specifically said to use rectally or orally, only.

Sooo, is it really ok to temp vaginally? Is it accurate? Does anyone temp rectally? That seems like an awfully harsh offense first thing in the morning!

I temp vaginally because of the same issue and so far my temps have been much more even. Take a look at my chart. I switched to vaginal temping last cycle.

Also, I personally would ignore the "orally or rectally only" label. Do you want to know my cynical take on why it doesn't include "vaginally"? Men don't have vaginae.

http://contexts.org/socimages/2010/0...comment-186654

http://contexts.org/socimages/2008/0...men-are-women/

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by BettinaAuSucre

how do i get him to finally settle? i need to figure out BC options if he doesnt want one.

I'll tell you what I did but keep in mind that my dh and my relationship with him may be very different from yours. To put it very simply, I'm the one who's mostly in charge in our relationship. It's not that I demand to be in charge but my dh's personality is such that he usually just goes along with whatever I say. He also would not blame me if I got pg and I have no worries about him potentially leaving me.

Like I said before, I'd love to have another baby, although I don't want to actually try because that takes a lot of effort. My dh was the one opposed to having more children. I told him since that was the case it was completely his responsibility to make sure I didn't get pg. The only thing I would do to assist in that was to chart my fertility signs (which I would do anyway so I'd know when to expect ). I was not going to give him updates. I was not going to tell him when I was fertile or remind him in the heat of the moment to be careful. If he wanted to know where things stood, he could either check my chart himself or ask me. Or, if he wanted to be extremely cautious, he could just w/d every time we dtd. I was willing to answer his questions but I was not going to spontaneously provide any info on my fertility at any given time. That was that. I didn't bring it up anymore.

Toolip ~ I've never temped vaginally but I know it's done. I've actually not heard or read about temping rectally for charting. TCOYF suggests temping vaginally if oral temps are confusing. I don't know if there might be something about the thermometer you got that precludes vag temping.

[Kimmiepie]

Originally Posted by AnnieA

If you haven't gotten AF in a couple of days then yes you should test again. I just noticed on your chart, you DTD twice on CD 20. Were those both using W/D? How many hours apart did that happen?

Yes they were both using w/d. I had forgotten that we did that until the other day and x'd it in. One was in the morning and the other was later on that evening so I figured it would be okay that far apart.

[Kimmiepie]

Originally Posted by GriffsKat

Second month of an 8 day luteal phase. Grateful it's helping me in our endeavor to not get pregnant. But wondering, is this going to go away? Is there concern in other areas because of this? Am I ok with just letting it go? Now I am spotting, so it might not be. I haven't started flowing yet.

Are you still nursing? My LP's have been really short (around 7 days) while getting my cycles back. It could just take a while to come back. As far as I know a short LP is not a problem unless you are TTC. However, some women find that a short LP doesn't seem to affect a sticky bean so I wouldn't rely on that.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by Eresh

Also, I personally would ignore the "orally or rectally only" label. Do you want to know my cynical take on why it doesn't include "vaginally"? Men don't have vaginae.

I think that would be very appropriate if it weren't a BBT thermometer. I think it's safe to assume men wouldn't be using those kind.

Kimmie ~ I get BFPs with $ Store/Tree hpts before I get them with FRER.Personally, I don't like FRER. I used to love Answer Early (which is the same test as FRER, made by the same manufacturer) but the new versions seem to be harder to interpret. With this last pg in December I was getting relatively dark, obviously + lines on the $ Store hpts while getting nothing or next to nothing on Answer Early and FRER.

As to a short lp, from what I've read it's not a problem unless you are ttc and haven't gotten pg after several months of well-timed BD.

[Kimmiepie]

MarineWife- Wow! See I always get negatives on everything else until I'm pretty much late except for FRER. I'd never tried $Tree before though. Several times I have tried the Answer Early and still got a - even when FRER said +. Isn't that weird how some people have different results?

[GriffsKat]

Yes, my son is still nursing. About 4x's a day. Give or take. Some of that is at night too. The weird thing is, my cycles, before this current one and the one previously, were 12 day lp. That's why it's odd to me. But if it doesn't mean anything else for me health wise, then I guess I don't care. My period has been back since 6 mo's pp. And when my period came back after my daughter, I had short lp's. But they progressively got longer. Nothing like this. I guess it will change, but since we aren't ttcing, I don't really care much. Just odd.

[Kimmiepie]

This is totally a BFN right? I'm sure it is, but I start to become obsessed.

http://i617.photobucket.com/albums/t.../hannah054.jpg

http://i617.photobucket.com/albums/t.../hannah056.jpg

Inverted

http://i617.photobucket.com/albums/t...annah054-1.jpg

http://i617.photobucket.com/albums/t...annah056-2.jpg

I just really feel pregnant some of the time and like AF is coming the rest of the time. The big thing is my boobs are hurting. That usually does not happen.

ETA: I had taken it out of the case earlier and I put it back in a bit crooked. So the line would probably be a bit off center.

[wholewheatchick]

Kimmie: BFN in my opinion

I don't know what we are going to use for BC when we are between kids, or done wanting more kids. DH loathes condoms, and he also hates w/d. Vasectomy is also a no go. I would be totally fine just using FAM, and either abstaining or using condoms (anyone every tried the female condoms?) during my fertile time, but since so far my fertile time has amounted to approximately a month straight before I finally O...that isn't going to work!

[lyterae]

Originally Posted by wholewheatchick

Kimmie: BFN in my opinion

I don't know what we are going to use for BC when we are between kids, or done wanting more kids. DH loathes condoms, and he also hates w/d. Vasectomy is also a no go. I would be totally fine just using FAM, and either abstaining or using condoms (anyone every tried the female condoms?) during my fertile time, but since so far my fertile time has amounted to approximately a month straight before I finally O...that isn't going to work!

We tried the female condoms at one point in time, DH likes them more than regular condoms but I hated it. It's awful to get in place (resulting in lots of laughter) and it wasn't uncomfortable, but certainly not pleasurable.