It's so funny that you used the kids on the rocks as one of your examples, because one of the examples of an interesting parenting choice that sticks in my mind most (from before I was a parent myself even) involved a small child on some rocks.
We were at swimming hole with a huge group of friends (it was a wedding weekend) and this couple who were both Outward Bound instructors (outdoor educational programs for kids and adults) had a 2 yr old son who I will never forget. The swimming hole had a pretty steep rock that everyone sat on when they weren't swimming, and at one point the mom was at the bottom of the rock, the dad at the top, and their son was wearing nothing but little swim shoes with rubber bottoms, and they were trying to get him to climb the rock to the dad! We ALL watched with bated breath because it really looked like SUCH a bad idea... but little M just kept climbing, standing, climbing, standing, with mom not too far behind but further than any of us would have been! Contrast that with another friend there with her 4 and 6 yr old kids, she didn't let them swim and only let them walk in the very shallow water while holding her hand the whole time (even though almost all the water was really shallow, and the shallow part was fenced in and there was no way for a child to get beyond it).
Little M was one of the smartest 2 yr olds I've ever ever met. His language was incredibly developed, and he had an amazing sense of spatial dynamics, could run around a room of furniture and never hit his head. I asked his parents how they taught him that, and they said "we let him hit his head a few times, and he didn't like it, and now he doesn't hit it at all!". 10 yrs later he is SO advanced in everything, healthy, active, and probably will skip another grade (already skipped one). I'm not saying that's all because they let him climb rocks where most parents wouldn't, but their whole parenting approach is affected by their outward bound training and they think he can learn just about anything safely and he's proved them right.
The biggest factor with M (according to his parents and I can see how this is probably true) is raising him so he has a STRONG sense of confidence in his own judgement, and he gets to practice using it all the time. It makes him both fearless and cautious, able to calculate risk very well and therefore also willing to try more new things and learn a tremendous amount. Also not afraid to make mistakes (as long as he's not physically hurt) and not embarrassed.
Already, even though my DD is only 1, I see myself doing some similar things even though I'm ridiculously paranoid and over-protective in my heart. Just today DH was fixing a stroller and DD picked up a phillips screwdriver and started walking around with it. My instinct was to take it away from her, but instead I just followed very closely but I didn't take it away... she has shown herself to not poke herself with objects (she'll poke ME, but not herself) and she's got a good sense of space, and I chose to let her keep exploring it. She hasn't given me reasons yet not to trust her with that. Now, she also tries to grab the plug for the heater in the bathroom every time I carry her near it, and of course I don't lether touch that. But with hot things, like rice I made her yesterday, she reaches for it and I hold her away and say "Hot". She repeats "Hot", then tries to reach again. When it's still hot, but not scalding, if she reaches again I say "Hot", pull her away, but then I let her touch it a little and I say "hot". She is starting to get it, and when I say "hot" now she says "hot" and usually doesn't reach for it again.
Of course at every step I try to never let her touch or do anything where she could really be seriously injured (she's starting to get how to step downstairs, but doesn't quite have it yet and I am not ready to let her try to step by herself and tumble even on carpeted stairs) but soon enough I'll probably lether try and just catch her when/if she falls.
It's all aparenting choice, a hard one too! But I have become a believer in looking to my child for clues in what I can trust and not trust my child to do. I want her to be able to balance on rocks as best she can, and I'd probably rather let her try to climb herself while being right there behind her to catch her as best I can if she falls (never on truly dangerous rocks though!).
We were at swimming hole with a huge group of friends (it was a wedding weekend) and this couple who were both Outward Bound instructors (outdoor educational programs for kids and adults) had a 2 yr old son who I will never forget. The swimming hole had a pretty steep rock that everyone sat on when they weren't swimming, and at one point the mom was at the bottom of the rock, the dad at the top, and their son was wearing nothing but little swim shoes with rubber bottoms, and they were trying to get him to climb the rock to the dad! We ALL watched with bated breath because it really looked like SUCH a bad idea... but little M just kept climbing, standing, climbing, standing, with mom not too far behind but further than any of us would have been! Contrast that with another friend there with her 4 and 6 yr old kids, she didn't let them swim and only let them walk in the very shallow water while holding her hand the whole time (even though almost all the water was really shallow, and the shallow part was fenced in and there was no way for a child to get beyond it).
Little M was one of the smartest 2 yr olds I've ever ever met. His language was incredibly developed, and he had an amazing sense of spatial dynamics, could run around a room of furniture and never hit his head. I asked his parents how they taught him that, and they said "we let him hit his head a few times, and he didn't like it, and now he doesn't hit it at all!". 10 yrs later he is SO advanced in everything, healthy, active, and probably will skip another grade (already skipped one). I'm not saying that's all because they let him climb rocks where most parents wouldn't, but their whole parenting approach is affected by their outward bound training and they think he can learn just about anything safely and he's proved them right.
The biggest factor with M (according to his parents and I can see how this is probably true) is raising him so he has a STRONG sense of confidence in his own judgement, and he gets to practice using it all the time. It makes him both fearless and cautious, able to calculate risk very well and therefore also willing to try more new things and learn a tremendous amount. Also not afraid to make mistakes (as long as he's not physically hurt) and not embarrassed.
Already, even though my DD is only 1, I see myself doing some similar things even though I'm ridiculously paranoid and over-protective in my heart. Just today DH was fixing a stroller and DD picked up a phillips screwdriver and started walking around with it. My instinct was to take it away from her, but instead I just followed very closely but I didn't take it away... she has shown herself to not poke herself with objects (she'll poke ME, but not herself) and she's got a good sense of space, and I chose to let her keep exploring it. She hasn't given me reasons yet not to trust her with that. Now, she also tries to grab the plug for the heater in the bathroom every time I carry her near it, and of course I don't lether touch that. But with hot things, like rice I made her yesterday, she reaches for it and I hold her away and say "Hot". She repeats "Hot", then tries to reach again. When it's still hot, but not scalding, if she reaches again I say "Hot", pull her away, but then I let her touch it a little and I say "hot". She is starting to get it, and when I say "hot" now she says "hot" and usually doesn't reach for it again.
Of course at every step I try to never let her touch or do anything where she could really be seriously injured (she's starting to get how to step downstairs, but doesn't quite have it yet and I am not ready to let her try to step by herself and tumble even on carpeted stairs) but soon enough I'll probably lether try and just catch her when/if she falls.
It's all aparenting choice, a hard one too! But I have become a believer in looking to my child for clues in what I can trust and not trust my child to do. I want her to be able to balance on rocks as best she can, and I'd probably rather let her try to climb herself while being right there behind her to catch her as best I can if she falls (never on truly dangerous rocks though!).
