Well, leaving aside the stigma of mental illness and moral judgments about drug use, what you are basically talking about is emotional abuse, and the damage to the child is emotional damage.
And so you have to ask yourself whether the emotional damage really, truly is greater than permanently and completely losing all contact with both parents would be. No, it is not guaranteed that that will happen if you call CPS, but it is a possibility you are definitely flirting with if you do call. Once you open that door, you can't close it if you realize your local agency is over-aggressive and goes too far. It's out of your hands. There is almost no emotional damage possible to a child greater than actually losing the parents. For this reason, one should be very, very hesitant to call unless the problem is actual physical abuse.
Are there any other relatives you can recruit for an "intervention" so to speak? To make it clear, in a controlled manner, that the mom has to get help for her problems, or you *will* call? If she is crazy and out of hand, you shouldn't care if she knows it's you or not; the relationship is pretty much shot anyway. She doesn't have to agree or like it; she just has to know that you're serious. Then, if she doesn't clean up her act, you can call. But just anonymously dropping a dime when a little girl's whole future relationship with her family is at stake? Nuh-uh.
As for the drugs, she's probably self-medicating. In and of itself I don't think it's a huge issue, however distasteful you may find it. High-functioning drug addicts can raise children without endangering their physical safety, because the reality is, after years of use you don't really get that high anymore, you just do it to self-medicate and stave off withdrawals. I really think trying to get her on a drug charge with the police is the wrong way to go. All it may do is bring extra stress to the household without improving the little girl's situation. When a person gets arrested, the most obvious and immediate thing that happens is just huge financial stress: bail, lawyer, trouble holding down your job, court fines. And when people who are struggling face that kind of stress, it doesn't help them be more loving. What does that do for the little girl? And if we all called in the drug users we know because "it's illegal!!!!!" then we might as well be living in East Germany with the Stasi.
In any case whatever you decide to do, please try to drop your judgment toward your cousin; if the story you tell is accurate - serious mental illness, chronic drug addiction - she's not doing stuff to be evil, she's doing it because she's ill.
And so you have to ask yourself whether the emotional damage really, truly is greater than permanently and completely losing all contact with both parents would be. No, it is not guaranteed that that will happen if you call CPS, but it is a possibility you are definitely flirting with if you do call. Once you open that door, you can't close it if you realize your local agency is over-aggressive and goes too far. It's out of your hands. There is almost no emotional damage possible to a child greater than actually losing the parents. For this reason, one should be very, very hesitant to call unless the problem is actual physical abuse.
Are there any other relatives you can recruit for an "intervention" so to speak? To make it clear, in a controlled manner, that the mom has to get help for her problems, or you *will* call? If she is crazy and out of hand, you shouldn't care if she knows it's you or not; the relationship is pretty much shot anyway. She doesn't have to agree or like it; she just has to know that you're serious. Then, if she doesn't clean up her act, you can call. But just anonymously dropping a dime when a little girl's whole future relationship with her family is at stake? Nuh-uh.
As for the drugs, she's probably self-medicating. In and of itself I don't think it's a huge issue, however distasteful you may find it. High-functioning drug addicts can raise children without endangering their physical safety, because the reality is, after years of use you don't really get that high anymore, you just do it to self-medicate and stave off withdrawals. I really think trying to get her on a drug charge with the police is the wrong way to go. All it may do is bring extra stress to the household without improving the little girl's situation. When a person gets arrested, the most obvious and immediate thing that happens is just huge financial stress: bail, lawyer, trouble holding down your job, court fines. And when people who are struggling face that kind of stress, it doesn't help them be more loving. What does that do for the little girl? And if we all called in the drug users we know because "it's illegal!!!!!" then we might as well be living in East Germany with the Stasi.
In any case whatever you decide to do, please try to drop your judgment toward your cousin; if the story you tell is accurate - serious mental illness, chronic drug addiction - she's not doing stuff to be evil, she's doing it because she's ill.
