my 6 year old and a few learning concerns

[KimL]

Hi Mama's. I so rarely get ot mothering anymore as we live in the woods and have no internet and we've been cut off from internet at work.

ANYWAY... I have a vibrant 6 year old son. He's very bright and very active. He was a 33 weeker who went home on oxygen for a few months as we lived at high altitude. Not that that has anything to do with today as he met all his milestones along the way and has not been ill in his life. He did well in kindergarten. He didn't learn to read but it wasn't really taught.

Now, 1/2 way into first grade he's struggling with reading and writing. He is very creative and all his teachers have made many comments about how quick witted he is and clever and creative. Apparently above his peers with forsight and intuition and general creative thinking and physical things like painting and story telling. He just is so active. I swear if we could put him on a treadmill to do his work, then he could/would do it. He's shy in a classroom setting and does "goofy" things to move the attention away from his struggling with things. He's a perfectionist. Didn't talk until he was 2 (I mean, just mama, really!) and immediatly went from that to sentences?! He refused to color until he was 3.5, then would draw beautiful things. He WILL NOT let anyone catch him trying to learn or doing something not perfect. And this is why the reading and writing is of issue. He's also physically driven. He excels at basketball and soccer and can compete with 12 year olds at the games. yet last year he wouldn't even attempt to play these same games!

Anyone else have or know such a child? Any ideas to help him learn?

[jillmamma]

To help with reading...keep it fun! Get him books on topics he enjoys, and read to/with him. If he does not want to sound out/read certain words, that's okay, and just read them to him. My little guy (7) is like that in a lot of ways...wants to do it "just right" or not at all, and is gradually learning to read. What I started with him is reading with him, and having him read certain words that I KNOW he knows (like he could read stop as his first word, so I would point to that and ask if he knew that one...he did!), then I would just read the others, or if he started getting uncomfortable, I would offer to just read the rest to him. We have lots of books on penguins, volcanoes, Star Wars, trains and such because that is what DS is into, and therefore he is more likely to want to read those books. Also, let him see YOU reading your books too and offer to read with him if he wants...showing him that you enjoy reading for pleasure as well. I believe that just by spending time with books and having fun reading, he will gradually pick it up and probably suddenly be reading at a high level from how you say he has learned other things.

As far as writing, my DS has some fine motor delays and sees an OT for them. One thing she suggested to help is to give him all sorts of mediums for drawing/writing; it does not have to be just pencil and paper. Like take a stick or finger and write indirt or sand, sidewalk chalk, a whiteboard/markers, paper and crayons or markers, fingerpaints, magnadoodle, whatever. DS likes arts and crafts, so this has worked well with helping his writing skills. One thing we do now (mine is in first grade too) is to help him learning his spelling words, he has to write them every evening. I let him choose how...pencil and paper, whiteboard, magnadoodle, whatever, and then I have him write them. Accomplishes 2 things...he learns the words, and practices his writing! I have found him to be really resistant to drills and repetitive writing of letters over and over (he will do it for a teacher or OT, but not me), so this seems to work well. Another thing we do is write spelling words before doing something else fun, like he can play Wii after that or a board game with me, or whatever. Maybe for your little guy, you could run around the block with him or play outside for a bit first to help burn some energy and help him focus better, then try the writing.

Sounds like you have a really sweet smart active little guy and you are a very caring mom, so he is lucky to have you. Good luck with everything!

[aelf]

My 6 year old is also in the first grade, and tends towards perfectionism. She is not reading independently and shows no interest in doing so. (She was 2 weeks late, by the by, so no preemie issues.) Many children don't have the fine motor control for lengthy writing at 6. I'd suggest working on those muscles by playing with clay, finger painting, anything that uses his hands.

Read to him. Reading should be fun, not stressful. I'm committed to reading to my child as long as she'll let me. I'm confident she'll pick it up when she's ready. It may be easier for me to be confident about this because my older brother was a "late" reader whereas I was an "early" one. By 4th grade, you'd never have guessed which of us was new to reading and which had been doing it for years. FWIW, my mom credits my grandmother with finally getting my brother to read. She made tapes of the old Grimm's fairy tales and my brother would listen and "read" along to them for hours because he was so interested. Eventually he actually was reading them.

[KimL]

thank you both!

We read to him multiple times a day and always have. He gets 3 books before bed and often times will choose to have us read to him instead of doing another quiet activity.

Jillsmama, you are so right about the "tools of writing". He has ALWAYS been particular about what he uses. He just started using crayons last year, refused before. He recently went thru a "sharpie period" inwhich he did all his drawing and writing with one!

I do see that we work hard to help him and he does respond. Maybe a more pointed question for you is "how do we get him to conrol his sillies in a classroom setting"? His teacher calls it his "charlie chaplin" routine... he'll even walk silly, all goof in order to distract everyone, including himself. When we talk to him about it he gets very self conscience like we're hurting his feelings!

[DaughterOfKali]

Have you brought up your concerns with his teachers?

[Tjej]

I read on the boards here the idea of whiteboards for a perfectionist and it has been a real hit with my DD. She's younger, but anyway it has gotten her willing to draw things (so she can erase whatever isn't perfect enough).

Tjej

[meemee]

reading i would do nothing about.

what you write about teh reading and writing is spot on for that age. in fact in many countries like sweden they dont even introduce reading till they are 7. one day when he is ready it will take off.

however with the writing. see what you can work out with the school. i have known parents where writing was such an issue that they introduced the keyboard. it all depends on what your school enjoys. work with the school in both these matters. see how your son is doing. hopefully you have another option for school. because perhaps another school and their philosophy might be a better match for him.

ok now with the silliness. sorry but i have to admit it is a teacher issue. if kids are not going to be silly at 6 when are they going to be. ever since k my dd's class has had a few silly kids including her. and the teacher has worked into incorporating that into her classroom structure. this year its hard to tell who is being more silly. the teacher or the students.

hey my dd and i talk silly pretty often. its actually quite a good way to bring expression in your speech for theater. because its only thru expression does the other person know what you are saying.

trying to control his sillies is imho like trying to control his spirit. do it gently and once in a while. they will figure it out eventually when it is appropriate or not. in fact he needs to express that silliness. so if he is being curtailed at school - he needs to do it more at home so he gets it out of his system.

another thing. what does he do before going to school? i have found if even for ten minutes my dd plays a good hard chasing game - something physical, it helps with her behaviour in closed quarters.

[KimL]

MeeMee, thanks! and I do totally agree with all that. We are very gentle parents. My son is a very sensitive child and his sillies are certainly a physical form of his spirit!

Someone asked if i had brought up my concerns with his teacher. well, she brought them up with us! She is a WONDERFUL teacher, actually. She's 70! She has a class of 18 and does so well with each of them. She is very understanding and i think she has a special touch with boys (she raised 3 of them) we also live in rural Maine, which makes a classroom a bit more "old school", if you will. She lets the silliness go, unless she thinks it's getting in the way of learning. My son doesn't like to sit to do anything (he even likes to stand to eat) he sits to cuddle and watch tv (rarely, his choice!). He started standing in class and would try to sit but just stand again when he started trying to concentrate. Then he would fiddle with the chair while he was standing. His teacher actually researched it a bit and allowed him to ditch the chair. it's kept to the side of the room and he can add it if he wants, otherwise she lets him stand (and not be distracted by having the chair there to fiddle with). So, she's good. Her take on it is that my son is very bright and we simply need to remind him that distracting other kids isn't helping them either, in the long run.

Maybe I'm just a worry wart. it's hard having just one child! He gets all my attention! I hate to see the struggle and I always want everything to come easy for him!

[KimL]

ohhh the before school thing. that could help. we have an awful morning schedule and I feel guilty every day. it's our most awful time of day. I drive him to school (it's a 17 minute drive). I'm late. always. So, I am rushing to get ready and my son gets ready quick and usually just watches Martha Speaks on PBS.

I've considered letting him Wii before school, but I thought that maybe a calm show would be better than a chaotic Wii sword fighting game? Maybe I'm wrong! Now thinking about it maybe this boy needs to get his adreniline on and out before school starts. hmmm I'm pondering.

[LynnS6]

It could be that your son needs movement and sensory input in order to help him organize his world. I would suggest you read the books: The Out of Sync Child and Sensational Kids. Sensational Kids has suggestions about things you can do to help him organize himself in a classroom setting or at home - things like getting him a balance ball to sit on rather than a regular chair, giving him heavy things to carry before sedentary activities. (The Out of Sync Child Has Fun is also good.)

Kids who are born prematurely are a bit more prone to sensory issues. No advice on the perfectionism aspect as I've got one of those too. It's maddening at times.

[meemee]

not sure if she will agree to it, but it would make a huge difference to your son if he sits on an exercise ball rather than a chair. it really helps my dd focus better when she is moving. just that little bouncy movement makes a big difference to her.

yes yes yes to the Wii game BEFORE school starts. esp. since you have a 17 min drive. what does he do on the drive? is he a hands on kinda guy. i always have stuff for dd to do - either something to open or close or manipulate or playdough.

also what helped - was having dd do some extra helping rather than whatever the assigned work was at school. go with another kid to the bathroom. go fetch something from the teachers desk.

in first grade the teacher had the brilliant idea of teaching one of the boys who was having a really hard time learn how to make coffee. small thing. but what a huge impact it had on him. the trust factor. self esteem. he so proudly made his parents coffee one day. if your son is super independent also things like this work really well with such kids.

oh also the Wii would be a great bed time thing too. while for others tv helps them sleep or a book, those are the things that wake my dd up. i make sure we never read something new at bedtime. actually its her reading these days. i have also noticed with myself getting some sort of exercise before going to bed actually helps me sleep better.

[aelf]

When is his first recess of the day? Is he sillier closer to recess or further away from it? While my gut instinct would be to give him as much physical activity as possible (so, yes to the Wii), the answers to those questions might influence the decision.

Also, I KNOW it's hard to get everything together in the morning and get out of the door. One of my biggest worries about Kindergarten was getting to school On Time. (Really!) But I've found that the more prepared I am, and the calmer the morning is, the better prepared my daughter is to begin her day. It's worth it to spend some time figuring out what's causing the chaos and what can be done to minimize it.