Roomie not down w/ washing dipes!

[craft_media_hero]

Well, we don't have to wash diapers out now

Our roommate made it very clear that he is not at all comfortable with us washing cloth diapers in our shared washer. So rather than being martyrs over it, my dp and I talked and just decided to go ahead and pay for our local diaper service.

It's a little hard for me to get over because of the cost factor. We were just a few hours ago talking about how expensive the OS AIOs I was looking at were. Now comparing the $300 we were considering dropping on the dipes (which would last us possibly up to potty training) to the $360 (with a pre-pay discount) for 6mo, I'm having a hard time swallowing the cost difference.

I mean, it's not like I wanted to do poop laundry several times a week for fun. My motivation was primarily for the cost savings and environmental effect.

Maybe by six months post-baby, we'll have our own place and be able to dictate the washer rules. I'm a little irritated. Our landlord provided the washer and I offered to do a bleach rinse after every load of diapers. Maybe I'm just being hormonal, but it upsets me a little.

OT, but it makes me question whether our roomie's going to try have a problem with us having the baby at home. I can't take another person (esp. one who lives with me) making me feel bad today about wanting a homebirth. Today has kind been of Jes defending her mom choices day. Ugh!

I guess at least now I don't have to decide which diapers to buy--which is another contention that our roomate doesn't understand---the diaper service is all prefolds, I don't know if they even provide/wash covers. So the whole point of buying the AIOs was coz it would be more convenient for us and other caregivers coz it's easy like a sposie.

At least my partner is cool, he's reassuring me that he can learn to do the prefolds and pay the extra $ for the service.

[Galatea]

This is what I would say:

"Do you wash your underwear in there? B/c I do and my partner does. So your clothes are already completed covered in all of our fecal bacteria. So get over it."

Then explain the diaper sprayer and how no actual poop will go in the washer.

[Juliacat]

I was going to suggest an empty bleach load until I read you had already suggested that. Quite unreasonable! You are lucky to have a diaper service, though.

[AnalogWife]

I too would be upset.

[justmama]

tell roomie to go fly a kite. seriously, that's ridiculous. you've offered to run a bleach wash. the washer does not belong to him correct? the landlord provided it? so it's not for either of you to decide who washes what in it. I would do it anyway. i understand wanting to avoid conflict with a neighbor and such. i live in a duplex and have neighbors so we like to be considerate and not start fights and such but this person has no right to dictate what you put in that washer. would you tell him he can't wash his underwear? what about when the baby spits up on your shirts? you can't wash that either? how about if you step in dog poo? can you not wash your shoes? not to be callous but please drag out your inner mama bear. don't let this person push you around. he can't tell you not to wash diapers in the shared washer and he can't tell you that you can't homebirth in the home you pay for. as long as you are following your lease agreement which i'm assuming does not stipulate against cloth diapers or homebirthing, it's your home. your decisions.

[Pinoikoi]

Tell him that washing his underwear in there makes you uncomfortable. See what he says.

[thefreckledmama]

Originally Posted by Pinoikoi

Tell him that washing his underwear in there makes you uncomfortable. See what he says.

And not even to be snarky, just as a means of lending him perspective of the situation.

[Vancouver Mommy]

Perhaps it would be cheaper for him to have his laundry sent out than to pay for a diaper service.

[Ola_]

You're being very accomodating - any way your roomie will cover part of the cost since you're really doing it for him as a favour?

Does he realize that babies get poop, pee, and spit up on all kinds of things besides diapers - which will all be washed in the washer anyway?

[Katie T]

I would tell him if he doesnt like it he can go somewhere else to wash his clothes. Its no more his washer than yours so why does he get to say what you wash in it. I personally wouldnt pay for a diaper service because of a crabby roomate. But thats just me. Or if he doesnt want you washing dipes in the washer he can pay half of the diaper service.

[ExuberantDaffodil]

Originally Posted by Ola_

Does he realize that babies get poop, pee, and spit up on all kinds of things besides diapers - which will all be washed in the washer anyway?

this was what I going to say, too. Will you not be able to wash baby clothes that got poop and pee on them in the washer, too?

I can kind of understand your roomie's complete ignorance, but someone needs to be educated.

[ian'smommaya]

your roommate needs to suck it up. is the apt. your and your patner or the roomies? who is either on the lease or on the lease first?

[craft_media_hero]

We are all three on the lease.

The more I think about it, the more upset it makes me. Roomie was vehement and disgusted, calling CDs "sh.tsacks" and really being angry about it. I was so taken aback that it would be an issue at all that I wasn't prepared to justify our choice---he wouldn't listen to any explanation, nothing would get through at all except us compromising and doing the diaper service. He wouldn't even "hear" anything about diaper sprayer, bleach rinse load, nothing. It was just disgusting and totally unreasonable to him. It ticks me off---it's not like we were asking him to do any of the wash or deal with the dipes in any way, yk?

It's totally ignorant and ridiculous. DP and I were talking about it last night and wishing that we hadn't even said anything about it to him and just did it like it was a normal everyday thing.

No, he's not intending on paying any of the cost difference, which is considerable (up to 4x as much over two years). I am just hoping that we can pay the 6mo of service upfront, and then maybe we'll be able to get into our own place.

I think that before we pay for the diaper service, I'm going to wait a few months, and then bring it up to him again, really laying out the financial difference and how it's not unsanitary, diaper sprayer, etc. I want him to understand that he's asking us to take on a pretty significant monthly bill just to accomodate his comfort level.

Arrrghh! I'm so much more irritated about this than I'm letting on IRL. I think he should suck it up, too. DP is being more understanding, and says that if it was just us here, it would be different, and roomie probably feels like he's already compromised on a lot of stuff (he is super-cool in other ways, like doesn't keep meat in the fridge coz he knows I'm a veggie, paying half the rent even tho we are using 2/3 bedrooms, etc).

So I'm trying to just be like, it's not that big of a deal, but this guy makes more money than me and my man together and has less bills/obligations. It seems really insensitive for him to just assume that we can afford the cost of sposies (not an option) or a dipe service (about the same cost as sposies).

[sapphire_chan]

Since the roomie is a UAV, I'd lie to him. If he asks about it before the birth "oh, we're getting a diaper service". If he sees a load of diaper laundry after the baby's there "oh, yeah, we decided that would cost too much so we didn't bother" like his opinion didn't matter, which it doesn't. Only people who listen to reason get to have their opinions considered.

That said, washing diapers is a PITA, so do look into doing at least part-time EC and having a few less to wash. And see about using diapers that can just be washed with your regular clothes like flats and pockets.

[GalateaDunkel]

I'm not sure how someone who doesn't use the shared refrigerator to store his own preferred foods because of *your* dietary restrictions (how do your restrictions extend to what another person can keep?) and pays 1/2 the rent for 1/3 of the bedroom space qualifies as a UAV. If the machine is provided by the landlord and he is paying his half to the landlord, then half of all services provided by the landlord are his, including the machine. The fact that he makes more money is of no relevance because he is not your family member and under no obligation to share in your support. It seems like people on this thread are bending the usual rules that apply to situations like this because we want you to win on the diapers issue....

It sounds like he is just ignorant; if you can't educate him, you have to respect his boundaries because issues related to poo and sanitation are, understandably, a pretty big boundary for most people, even if their opinions are technically incorrect. I think educating him successfully is going to depend on being sensitive to where he's coming from and not just writing him off.

For a couple/family to share housing with a third party can be a tough, tough situation. I have seen it happen successfully but only in rare cases of deep friendship where the third party was more like an uncle to the kids. You are best off finding a new arrangement ASAP. A baby can take over a whole house with crying etc., do you really want to have to deal with his input WRT scheduling, CIO, babyproofing, television, or whatever? Whatever sacrifices you have to make to achieve this separation in a timely and peaceable manner, I don't think you will regret.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by GalateaDunkel

I'm not sure how someone who doesn't use the shared refrigerator to store his own preferred foods because of *your* dietary restrictions (how do your restrictions extend to what another person can keep?) and pays 1/2 the rent for 1/3 of the bedroom space qualifies as a UAV. .

His language. Cussing isn't helpful to a good dialog. However, you're right, having leaned over backwards to be accommodating does most certainly give him the right to have a compromise on this topic.

As a veggie, I think the "no meat in the fridge" rule is unreasonable. And I've never heard of a couple paying only as much rent as one person when they're sharing space.

[GalateaDunkel]

OK, I see where the cussing could be offensive, but where you said he "IS" a UAV, therefore lie to him, it sounded like you were advocating just totally writing him off as a person deserving consideration/negotiation. In perspective that just really seems wrong to me - he cussed at you that one time, therefore punish him by lying about a major household issue.

I know the "sh!tsacks" comment may have been hurtful to the OP but a lot of times among adults, cussing is really just a form of bluntness or earthiness... I personally don't just take it as proof positive the person is really horrible or something. My guess is that, not knowing anything about CDing, he was really, really taken aback by the proposal of (what he perceived as) processing human waste through the household washing machine, and based on the other information given I would also guess that he may have felt that it was a "last straw" kind of thing with the other compromises he has made, and erupted. And I just don't think the fact that he got somewhat upset changes the basic equation that the OP either has to educate him and bring him around voluntarily, or find another option; there's no way that just disregarding his wishes is an ethical option and none of the information given about their relationship to date suggests that he has given any *serious* excuse for the OP and her partner to cross that line. If they do, they are just asking for trouble with the whole living arrangement, creating the risk that it will end precipitously and with hard feelings rather than through due planning.

OP - have you considered talking to him about the fact that the poop is going to be a fact of life one way or another, and piles of sposies aren't exactly pleasant?

[Galatea]

Originally Posted by GalateaDunkel

For a couple/family to share housing with a third party can be a tough, tough situation. I have seen it happen successfully but only in rare cases of deep friendship where the third party was more like an uncle to the kids. You are best off finding a new arrangement ASAP. A baby can take over a whole house with crying etc., do you really want to have to deal with his input WRT scheduling, CIO, babyproofing, television, or whatever? Whatever sacrifices you have to make to achieve this separation in a timely and peaceable manner, I don't think you will regret.

Yes to this. It sounds like some major anxiety about having a baby in the house, expressed through putting his foot down on the diapers. Totally understandable, too - the baby will take over the whole place.

[Hannah32]

I was with you until I read that he pays 1/2 the rent for 1/3 of the space. That's a seriously nice and completely unrequired thing for him to do for your family. Given that, I'd let it go, even though I agree that he's being irrational about the whole thing. He's seriously saving you money in other ways.

[confustication]

I'd work on getting into your own place asap- I don't think I could parent with a roommate, and I certainly don't think a roommate would be thrilled to have a baby take over the whole place...

Barring that though, have you considered wasing your dipes at the laundromat? If all you need to wash there are dipes, you can do that pretty inexpensively, and still use whatever dipes you prefer. You can always dry them at home.