How can I help my partner?

[craft_media_hero]

How can I help my partner understand that homebirth is safer? He is on board with it being "better" for the people involved, more relaxed, easier to birth without strangers around, etc; he understands why I want to have the baby here.

But he still is fearful and kind of in the mindwash thing of thinking that having a baby outside of a hospital is inherently dangerous.

How can I help him understand that there can be risks to birthing but that for a healthy pregnancy, homebirth is not more dangerous (even the opposite) than hospital birth?

He is pretty logical. Are there studies or better yet a movie or something on Netflix? I just need it to not be my own voice but a "citable" source, you know?

And not just a source, but how can I help him really intuit that homebirth isn't a crazy idea for a minority of people but a safe option for the majority of families?

He wants us to have a home birth; I don't need to convince him. I just want to help ease his fears.

[dogmom327]

Have you sat him down to watch The Business of Being Born yet? It's available as an instant download from Netflix.

[Peace+Hope]

what she said!

my husband had nothing to go on but his trust in me when we sat down to watch that documentary. he was clueless. within 15 minutes he was like, why would we do anything else??? i think it fits the bill for making HB feel "normal" also, read around and you'll start to see several of the same studies cited over and over. should be easy to collect references. this new one is great.

[moonglowmama]

Pregnant in America is also on Netflix. Its great. Especially the "specials" feature which goes into well-explained, thorough research about current maternity care in America.

There's tons of great reading available too. Henci Goer's "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth" for one. But several newer ones by Marsden Wagner, "Pushed" by Jennifer Block is good too, and I liked Ina May's Guide to Childbirth.

[craft_media_hero]

Okay, loading Netflix now! He is much more likely to watch a movie than read a book, lol. That is, if I can get him to turn off the video game for long enough!

[Belle]

He also might be interested in Orgasmic Birth. The trailer is in this link. The title alone was enough to interest my dh. I checked Netflix and they have it on DVD.

[MegBoz]

First, I think it's important to be sensitive & empathetic to his fears. They are totally normally fears! I think it's really hard to overcome that belief that is so ingrained in Americans - that birth is a dangerous medical event that requires "management" by doctors. DH & I didn't manage to overcome it for #1! (Not TTC yet, but already planning on HB for whenever we have #2.

In any case, I think the book "Born in the USA" by Dr. Marsden Wager would be your best bet. Great credibility there with him being an MD, OB, and head of WHO maternal & child health! Lots of stats - AND the all important review of, I think the, Johnson study. ACOG says they have research saying HB is dangerous, but said research is fatally flawed. I think it's important to understand this & why. Wagner addresses it.

Try just underlining passages & dog-earring certain parts if he isn't into reading. (Wagner goes on ad nauseum about Cytotec so you can skip a lot of that.)

As for "Thinking Woman's Guide" well, that will prove that medicalized birth isn't the best - but as my DH said, "You found these hospital-MWs & you know they're good & NCB-friendly, why not just go there?" I don't think it has enough on the safety of HB in particular to assuage fears.

In addition to the fabulous BoBB, the movie "orgasmic birth" is great too. (Really just about joyful birth in general, not just orgasmic.) & maybe try to connect with other HB families. I think the more you are exposed to it, the more "normal" it starts to seem - less scary.

Finally, lots of mamas say that having their DH interview the MW helps a lot.

[Youngfrankenstein]

I agree with all of the above. The Business of Being Born, showing him studies, and meeting the midwife should help him feel better.

You can look up the Canadian Homebirth Study and Dutch Homebirth Study and he will get tons of great info.

[jackiev0626]

Definately watch "Business of Being Born" and "Pregnant in America"! They'll tell you everything you need to know...and they convinced my husband (along with me constantly telling him statistics and facts that I've read about). Good luck!

[ExuberantDaffodil]

tBoBB coupled with having a good talk with the midwife helped to convince my husband. And he was dead set against it when I first brought it up.

[claddaghmom]

Even though HB was a default for me culturally, growing up w/ it as normal, I still found my logical side of me was appeased when I worked through each 'what if' thoroughly.

For example, what if something is wrong and the mother needs a c-section? The idea seems to be that HB in this case = stuck up a river without a paddle.

But when I researched how hospitals handle an 'emergency' it became clear that a HB was the same. You still have to page the doctor. The doctor still has to scrub. You still have to find an available OR with equipment. You have to get the staff together. Get the anesthesiologist, get medication moving, etc etc. It's not as if being in a hospital gives you special access to something.

Then there is also a certain aspect of personal development that is required in this issue. We have to face death to accept this new life. The fact is, that life inside you can die. And you, a midwife, a doctor....a whole team of doctors...might not be able to do anything about it. I think sometimes people tighten their grasp on a hospital birth b/c they are afraid to acknowledge this fact. Think for example of complete placental abruption. Even in a hospital the outcomes are dismal. It's hard, but to move forward as a growing individual, we have to face these dark thoughts.

[craft_media_hero]

Thanks, all. Even though I feel really strongly that everything will be fine, there are still those crazy what-ifs. We live right across the street from a hospital, though.

We are having trouble with our insurance---everyone is real tight-lipped and apparently can't tell me if I'm covered or if it's a pre-existing condition since I got pregnant in November and the insurance went through in January. I am really exasperated about it right now.

I am covered by Medicaid, but Medicaid will only pay hospital midwives and hospital births in our state. It disgusts me. It should be a basic human right for women to birth wherever they want to---and I can, but only if I accept the risk of having no attendant with me at home and having to transfer to the hospital if we feel like we're in over our heads, instead of having someone experienced come over here to our house and help us if we needed help.

I'm sorry I'm getting off topic a bit--this thread was about how to help my husband.