whats it like to go from none to one?

[lovebug]

an awesome thread in SAHM got me thinking. whats it like going from no kiddos to having kiddos?

what do you miss from when you had no kiddos?
whats your fav part of havin kiddos?

so dish mamas what are all the pros and cons? whats it going to be like?

[sapphire_chan]

Movies
Hopping in the car to drive somewhere without packing
Driving all the way without having to stop
Flying with one tiny carry-on
Doing anything requiring two hands for more than an hour
Lazy meals (this one became more of a factor after solids)
Getting dressed to go outside in winter in less than 20 minutes (this one became more of a factor after walking. With a tiny baby, a wrap sling and a huge coat = no )
Wearing dresses without front openings
Ditto sweaters
Ditto nightgowns
(I am sooo going shopping after she weans)

can you tell I've done a bit too much traveling lately?

[vbactivist]

you are so right about the movies. I know it;s possible to bring a newborn to the theater but that is really only easy for a short while. I love going to the movie theater and it's one of the things i think is difficult to do with children in tow (except for family friendly movies of course).

But honestly, I would say most things aren't better or worse, just different. Vacations will never be the same - you just get to take care of the kids in a different local. But it's not really the same kind of relaxing with a 2 year old vs child free. I love my kids, and know my life would feel less meaningful without them, but I think being childless can be very rewarding too.

[Theia]

All that stuff.

In general the spontaneity that I used to have. Go wherever whenever I like.

Going to see a movie in the theater, a concert, a play.
Eating a meal uninterrupted, while my food is still hot.

Also the amount of time it takes to get ready, or go do anything is just about double. What used to take an hour for me now easily takes 2.

Sleeping late, and sleeping uninterrupted. A lazy nap on a rainy afternoon.

Taking care of myself when I'm sick is harder too.

[PPK]

Some things I miss:

Sleeping as long as I wish

I get about 1/10th of the amount of yoga time I used to. I still do a bit daily, but I really need to get more time open for it.

Things that changed:

Well, your whole life is just different with another little person inn your reality 24/7! Its beyond words, but is also the hardest job I've had!

Having DS really amplifies all of my qualities..good and bad; same goes for my relationship with DH. There've been so many issues I thought I was over, or never knew existed and forced me to work on things. (If DH and I weren't able to communicate well, we would have divorced around DS's second year). In my experience, our weaknesses were much more obvious post-child and had to work on things..alot.

Its made my marriage (as a result) so much closer!

Sex is better

Its made me a much more organized and efficient person.

And ditto on the uninterrupted meal...I find myself eating DS's room-temp leftovers after he's done..

[Parker'smommy]

Going from none to one...well, it rocked my world, good, bad, indifferent, ya know?

And while I miss the romantic days of staying in bed all day with my husband, I am so happy the reason we can't, is these amazing people we have in our lives. And as they've gotten older, I've found we are starting to get little things back from our "old life" like sleeping in and going out on dates together more often than once a year. It's all relative. I imagine when they are all out of the house and I CAN sleep all day, I'll miss that they aren't around to interrupt us.

[Theia]

You asked for pro's too...

So my pro's:

The love! It's unlike anything I have ever experienced before.

Waking up to my DD's kisses.

Seeing the world through a LO's eyes.

The experience of watching someone grow and change right before your eyes.

It's so much fun! While the beginning is a bit of shock, the intensity and lack of sleep, I think it is kinda natures way of preparing us for what it will take to be the parent we wish (and they need us) to be. It's baby bootcamp for new parents!

[Drummer's Wife]

Having a baby was by far the most amazing change in my life . It helped that she was a super easy going, adorable, sleeping thru the night at 10 wks kinda baby... But really, I didn't have any complaints or hardship related to being a first time mom. Now, it's been 8 yrs (and I have 4 now) so I could be forgetting some details :; but I just recall how much joy she brought me every single day. Sure, it meant we couldn't go out last minute all the time (though, really, babies are portable and if they aren't high needs and need routines and all that, you really can continue on with most of your previous lifestyle)... We didn't, like, take her to bars with loud music or anything, but she did attend a few mild house parties .

I guess for me, I felt super prepared (even though I was 21) b/c babies and small children were my specialty . I worked with infants and toddlers, went to school for 2 yrs studying them, and had a lot of experience in my teen years babysitting. Things like diapers and dressing tiny babies didn't phase me;though, I will say breastfeeding was a lot harder than I ever imagined and it's a miracle we got thru those first 6 weeks. After that, it was a breeze, but I wasn't prepared for all the pain, tears, frustrations, and literally hours and hours of each day learning to latch and feed my new baby. Other than that, I honestly didn't have any complaints. Now, as they get older and multiply it's def much more challenging... But still, I wouldn't trade motherhood for anything in this world.

[treegardner]

I agree with PPs. Basically, everything is different. I wouldn't trade it for anything, but life is a lot harder with a little one. There are so many little things that you take for granted.

[Addy's Mom]

I miss going to movies twice a week.
I miss reading a great book as long as I want from evening until dawn.

I miss those so much I ache sometimes. Everything else I can live without.

But nothing compares to having my son, with the spontaneous hugs and I love yous, the cute giggle and grin when I go get him in the morning, all the funny things he says now, and getting to live a kid's life all over again. Even the bad times are great times.

[mamazee]

Sleep. First, most babies dont' sleep through the night for a long while, and that's really hard. Second, even if/when they do sleep through the night, it is a different kind of sleep - not as deep. And then, they wake up earlier than you want. There's this constant fog of tiredness.

Going out. Eating out is more trouble than it's worth a lot of the time. We dont' eat out often anymore. Going out to movies - you dont' do it at all for ages and then when you can go to movies again it's to kids' movies. And if you like watching movies at home, that's hard to navigate too because you can't just put on any old movie when there are little eyes around to watch. Even when they're at an age where you can get a babysitter, that adds so much to the cost that it doesn't seem worth it. If you have grandparents close by, this will be easier.

Vacations are not vacations in the same way. You're still doing everything you usually do, just somewhere else. I remember telling dh this on vacation once. He said, "Hey, relax, we're on vacation." And I said, "No, YOU are on vacation, I'm just here and it's harder for me because things aren't toddler proofed here."

Just jumping up and going someplace. Nope, not gonna happen. It's a logistical issue and it takes a while to get things together. Going grocery shopping isnt' easy, but then it can be a joy if you can leave the babe with your dh and quick do some shopping. But then thats' all over once they hit the separation anxiety age, but on the other hand things aren't so overwhelming at that point and it's not so bad to take them along.

Just logistics around the house are difficult. Getting cleaning done, making dinner. Just have your dh make dinner or get take-out for a while, if you can afford it. You need your time to adjust to taking care of the baby and breastfeeding.

I had a very hard time adjusting to my first, and I ended up with PPD. My recommendation is to find a support group for new moms. They're out there. Look into it at your local hospital, even if you homebirth they might have a decent group. LLL is great too. But no matter how much work it is, get out of the house with some other moms of babies.

It is very hard at first, but it DOES get better.

[JayGee]

It was very, very hard for me. In fact, I spent the first year of my son's life in a deep depression. I missed my "old" life so much. It probably didn't help that we lived in California and my entire family is on the east coast. Or that my husband deployed when DS was only 2 months old. Or that DS was just about the fussiest, cryingest, non-sleepingest baby on the planet. Or that at age 33, I was pretty well entrenched in my non-Mama lifestyle. It was seriously the most difficult year of my life.

BUT, I got over it. And moved on. And had 2 more children even ! But don't underestimate how hard that switch from none to one can be.

What I missed:
Sleep
Saturday adventures with DH (hiking at Tahoe, skiing, mountain biking, etc.)
Reading all day
My job (oddly enough)
Having time to myself

What I loved:
Nursing
His sweet face while he slept
Watching him grow and develop (and he's 8 now, so I've seen a lot)
How my relationship with DH has grown stronger and better with the addition of a few children
DS (and both DDs) have made me a lot less selfish, which is hard, but also a very good thing.

Best wishes to you.

[EFmom]

I found it to be like getting hit by a truck. And that was the upside.

It drove me crazy that I couldn't just leave the house without at least a half hour ordeal of packing up stuff, strapping into the carseat, etc. I felt caged.

Dd1 was a terrible, terrible sleeper. I couldn't believe I could be so tired. I remember one night thinking that I was just going to die right then of sleep deprivation.

The absolutely no me time was awful.

And I have a dh who is and always has been completely and equally involved.

[DCMama01]

I took for granted things like running into the convenience store. After finally getting DD settled into the carseat and riding without crying, who wants to ruin that by taking her out and putting her back in just to purchase a bottle of water. I find myself driving further out just to hit a drive thru instead. (This is during the day when its just the two of us.)

I totally underestimated how much breastfeeding would impact my time. I'm used to formula feeding (that's how my family does it), so if I got a chance to get out on my own, I had to be back in time for DD to nurse or I have to find somewhere to pump. Walking around engorged is not the business. DD nursed every 1.5 hrs the first 4 weeks so leaving without her was nearly impossible. I had to nurse and pump just to run to the grocery store for like 10 items. Also, BFing meant that I was the only one feeding her at night.

On the bright side, she is absolutely adorable and has definitely enhanced my life. I feel like I'm looking at the newer, improved version of myself when I gaze down at her. She's starting to smile and coo and I'm looking forward to seeing what her personality is like.

[BetsyS]

It turned my life upside down.

One of my favorite things used to be going to lunch alone, with a book. Well, that doesn't happen any more. Even if I got the time away from home, I don't want to spend the money on just me anymore. My priorities have shifted. But, I still sometimes miss it in a nostalgic way.

Going into a convenience store for a coke, definitely. Or into Panera (or any other restaurant without a drive through) for some take out. It's too much trouble most of the time to unpack everyone and take them inside. I used to scoff at Walmart shoppers. Now, I totally get the appeal of one stop for everything you need!

I really missed my job. It had defined who I was for a long time, and I struggled without that definition. And, we missed the income, too.

Time uninterrupted for hobbies and books. I used to be able to spread out my sewing and leave it there for days. Yeah, not so much anymore.

All that said, I do like my new life a lot. And, I'm pregnant with #3, so I obviously keep doing it over and over. The transition from 1 to 2 wasn't hard for me. But #1 really got me.

[Eresh]

Things I miss:
- Going to movies. I've not been to see a movie with DH since DS was born.
- Getting to the gym regularly. I tried going right after putting DS down for evening but he would inevitably wake up 20 minutes after I left and I would get the guilt trip from DH when I got back. And with sleep deprivation in general, it just wasn't worth it. Now he's almost 2 and I still only get to the gym sporadically. Today I'm missing yoga because DS went down for his nap early so I can't take him to the gym child care center without waking him up and DH went shopping so I can't leave DS at home.
- Going to bed when I'm tired / sleeping in. What everyone else said.
- Participating with friends in anything that involves staying up / out late.

Things I love, love, love:
- My days are longer and fuller. I seriously ask myself what I used to do with all my free time. Now when I do have free time I really enjoy it.
- I've never laughed so much in my life.
- The motivation to be a better person. With a little one I know I need to work on my temper. I need to eat more healthfully. I need to live more thoughtfully. It's such an awesome responsibility to guide a new little person towards adulthood.

Having a child just completely re-arranged my priorities. Yeah, I miss a lot of "me" things, but a lot of them honestly are not really that important to me anymore. Maybe I grew up?

[AutumnAir]

For me it was incredibly difficult. Absolutely nothing in the world could have prepared me for it. I had a very traumatic birth which left me with PTSD and then found myself utterly alone with a very HN infant who either screamed or nursed 24/7, so I couldn't ever put her down. Listening to her scream triggered my PTSD too, which didn't help.

DH was already back to work by the time they finally released us from the hospital and all my family were in a different country. I had to get DD home from the hospital all by myself, come home to an empty flat and an empty fridge - realise I had to go shopping straight away or we wouldn't have anything to eat... It was a nightmare.

No wonder that I came down with mastitis when DD was just over a week old, but then due to a string of utterly useless doctors I ended up with recurring mastitis and a constant infected open sore covering the entire nipple on the bad side. I had to EP that side. This went on for nearly 2 months - me miserably sick and in constant pain, DD never sleeping and screaming non-stop, me never sleeping either, still having to do the shopping, cooking and cleaning, because there was no one else to do it.

I also had no friends to talk to - all my friends were from my previous job and none of them had kids - most of them were still single and partying all the time and none of them seemed to realise that I would like to see people sometimes! I was living in a foreign country where I didn't speak the language very well and it was just incredibly difficult and isolating. I didn't know where to turn when I needed help.

Moral of the story: Always line up as much support and help as you possibly can (and way more than you think you will/should need) before the baby comes. Best case scenario, you won't actually *need* all the help, but it will still be wonderful to have and at least if you do have a hard time you've done all the leg-work before you get to such a bad place that you can't actually drag yourself out again.

It's better now - DD's almost 2 and I've sort of gotten used to this as my new normal. We've also moved back to an English-speaking country and are a bit closer to family (though all my family is still a plane-ride away, it's a shorter plane-ride!). I still haven't managed to make any friends where we are - I'm an introvert and have a hard time making friends at the best of times, let alone with a whining toddler clinging to my legs! - but I'm working on it.

Things I miss:
- Sleep
- Being able to just rest when I'm sick
- Going to the cinema (DH and I used to go all the time before DD and I do miss that)
- Going to the pub (ditto)
- My job - I was just getting to where I wanted to be in my career when DD came along. Originally I thought I could go back after 6 months, but she was just so incredibly needy that I didn't think I could leave her with strangers - not fair to either her or them. So I resigned myself to being a SAHM for the forseeable future. It would be very difficult for me to get back to where I was in my career now after such a long break - I would need retraining and all sorts.
- My sense of self. It's disappeared. I don't know who I am any more, and most of what I think about is parenting/DD related.

What I love
- DD! She's an incredible little person and I love watching her grow and learn.

[Grace and Granola]

Sleep ~yawn

[earthgirl]

I think it's all about extremes. Extreme love, stress, fatigue, etc. It's utter madness and joy all rolled into one...one very, very tired person.

[lolar2]

A lot of it depends on what your life is like now! Some leisure interests, for example, mix better with kids than others. Not to mention whether you intend to go back to work, and if so, what kind of job you have, how long your maternity leave will be, what kind of job your husband has, and I can't even think of all the variables.