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Wanting But Waiting Tribe *2010* - Page 9

post #161 of 387
Wow. Well, it has everything to do with location. Right here we are bumping up against DC and rents are really getting silly. DH gets a housing allowance based upon where in the country he's stationed, and this is apparently one of the most expensive places. You have others that are higher, but in a lot of those areas housing is so high that you are pretty much required to live on base. We're actually looking forward to getting out of the area in a little while, even though I've never lived anywhere else.
post #162 of 387
I'm Theresa and I have an 18 month old dd. We're waiting to TTC until she turns two in September. Part of the reason we are waiting right now is because I want dd to be a bit older when the new baby comes. I also want to have more recovery time after my pregnancy with dd as I did have a c-section and had complications with severe preeclampsia. I just feel like I need a little time to prepare myself to carry a baby again. Also, we need some home repairs done so for financial reasons I think it's best to wait until we have a little more saved. It is hard to wait though because I held my friend's cuddly little newborn the other day and really want a little one again!
post #163 of 387
I think I'm going to have to get an IUD or something again until our "official" TTC date. My husband is making me so mad though, who knows if we'll even be having sex in the next ten months!

We had a conversation last month about how he's not listening to me when I tell him I'm fertile, and I don't feel like I should babysit him with condom use because he knows that I am ready to try for another baby any time. I assume that if I do my part and let him know what's going on, he can do his part and decide what kind of risks he's comfortable with. So this month, the same thing is happening again! I tell him I'm in my fertile phase and then he gets mad later on because uhm, I didn't tell him?! No, he didn't listen! I keep him well informed about what's going on and when I ovulate and what my CF is like and on and on.

I guess I'm just really mad that he's putting me in this situation where he isn't taking responsibility for his actions, and I don't want to have a baby with him when he's acting like that! We even said we're just going to stop avoiding when it's time to TTC instead of actively trying, but now I'm thinking that's a stupid idea because he's always acting surprised when he "finds out" that I'm fertile. UGH!

So, I'm just going to get an IUD again so I don't have to deal with his stupid BS. I am so mad at him. And I'm mad that I have to work and I can't stay home with the kids we do have! Sometimes I feel like having another baby is the only way I'll ever get to stay home, and that makes me really sad and mad at the same time.

Sorry for the long post - I just have no one else who understands this that I can talk to right now.
post #164 of 387
Quote:
Originally Posted by nerdymom View Post
Wow. Well, it has everything to do with location. Right here we are bumping up against DC and rents are really getting silly. DH gets a housing allowance based upon where in the country he's stationed, and this is apparently one of the most expensive places. You have others that are higher, but in a lot of those areas housing is so high that you are pretty much required to live on base. We're actually looking forward to getting out of the area in a little while, even though I've never lived anywhere else.
It is funny. I told my MIL what a great deal I got on the other place, and she gasped at how expensive it was. These apartments are by far cheaper than any other apartment up here, and pretty close to what it would cost there.
post #165 of 387
Ok, so hubby has given me the green light......





























































.....for a puppy

Im hella excited tho, ive always wanted one and i think this is his way of saying "Im gearing up to be ready to TTC, so we'll go ahead and get the puppy now" since he knows I want a puppy before a baby.

Im so excited, hopefully I will be a fur-mama before this year is out!

Then hopefully, if all goes well financially, we can set a TTC time for sometime in the middle of next year.
post #166 of 387
Brown Lioness that's so exciting!! I love dogs! We've had one for the last 3 years, and hope to get another in the future. Do you know which breed you want? I would recommend asking in the pets forum here for any advice you need, they are very helpful. So excited for you! Dogs are awesome!
post #167 of 387
Still waiting here. We were going to start trying in December but may push it back until February or so. I would like to be able to enjoy some time with my youngest before he goes off to school next year. In the meantime I am just working on eating healthier and losing some of this weight. I want to be at my ideal weight before we TTC
post #168 of 387
I am guessing my TTC date to be......July I am excited. I am going to try very hard to wait until July. I don't want to add baby gear to the list of stuff I need in December/January, so I'd rather have a later b-day, at least March.
post #169 of 387

Huge Progress

We got the living room set up--finally! There are still a lot of boxes in the house, and some are in the main living area, but most are more "hidden" and we can now have company over! I am so excited. It was one of the biggest things on my "do before TTC" list.

Two of the other biggies, doc and dent appts, are underway. In both cases we each needed to be seen multiple times because these are "initial" visits. Ugh. Oh well. At least insurance will cover most of the costs.

On to taxes and finishing those final boxes.

Super excited for you Brown Lioness. Let us know when you get your puppy. I'd really like to have a dog someday, but DH is less ready for that than for a baby, and our apartment is no-pets. Oh well.
post #170 of 387
Thanks you guys

Im wanting an Airedale..i love how bubbly they are. Ive been lurking and semi-posting in the Pet forum here for ages so ive asked all the silliest questions I could think of, so far, though i may be rolling back over there for more real time questions.

Mother Cake, i feel you on the "We can finally have people over" thing. We will be moving in May/June to Texas and want the place set up respectably sooner than later, but its all easier said than done, isnt it? lol
post #171 of 387
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brown Lioness View Post
Thanks you guys

Im wanting an Airedale..i love how bubbly they are. Ive been lurking and semi-posting in the Pet forum here for ages so ive asked all the silliest questions I could think of, so far, though i may be rolling back over there for more real time questions.

Mother Cake, i feel you on the "We can finally have people over" thing. We will be moving in May/June to Texas and want the place set up respectably sooner than later, but its all easier said than done, isnt it? lol
When we move, everything is getting piled into the "extra" room we will be gaining by moving. That way the rest of the house still looks good while we organize and find homes for everything. After we get everything put away, we are getting a king size bed for us and our current bed will go into the spare room for guests. I am going to set up the crib in there too, for babysitting and when nephew comes up with MIL for now, and for naps for new baby whenever. My babies tend to cosleep at least 80% of the time, but I am still trying to figure out what kind of "bed" to have in my room, I sold my Amby last year
post #172 of 387
We were really stupid and moved all the boxes before the furniture. Big oops. Try setting up furniture with boxes in the way. Not fun. That's a large part of the reason why it took us five months to get the living room presentable.
post #173 of 387
DH and I talked timeline this past week and he's with me on the 2011 summer TTC!

GAH! Why does that feel SO FAR AWAY now??

We had a homebirth last time but for next time I was thinking I would like to use a birth center. There's a really nice one in Reading, PA that I found, so I started looking at houses in that area. OMG such nice houses. So now I want to move to Reading, PA before getting pg.

Ha.
post #174 of 387
I don't know if I posted here yet

we're waiting until DH finishes school(at least his associate's) he wasn't able to start until after we got married, and "poof!" I got pregnant my second cycle after we got married ( i suppose thats what happens when you dont use b/c ) so we'd like to wait until DH finishes school to have another, in the interest of me and our DC to have more daddy time (and family time!) growing up.

DH would be devastated if I got pregnant again(he'd be happy to have another child, just sad to see plans be put further back), but I would be thrilled to be pregnant again -- I'd like a big family, and it feels so strange having only one right now.... *sigh*
post #175 of 387
I'd been feeling pretty positive and hopeful earlier in this thread, but I don't anymore. I now feel like I'm in complete, miserable limbo. I think my husband is going to "think about it" forever. We've had some great theoretical conversations, but I'm sick of it being theoretical. He's too comfortable with no baby to want a baby. He is too nervous about having to give up on any corner or edge of his career aspirations (I'm not having a baby without a partner who expresses his willingness to strive for an equitable arrangement) or recreational time.

The expense of a child scares him, as does the possibility that we'll have to move (to a bigger, more expensive apartment), and he doesn't like the idea that maybe we'd have to travel less (not that we travel that much now). He's perfectly happy the way things are and doesn't want to strike out into an unknown territory. I have worries and fears, but I also want to be a mother. I think we're at an impasse. Which means "no TTC." I've said it all before. I'm a broken record -- to you in this thread, to him, to my best friend. I'm so tired of this.

He won't say "no." He won't say "yes." But no "yes" OR "no" means "no."

3 friends and 5 coworkers have lovely babies, 4 women I see often are pregnant, and my best friend's thinking about trying for her 2nd. I don't enjoy feeling all of this jealousy and sadness. I feel bitter and depressed.

I'm not about to give him an ultimatum or leave (or secretly stop taking my bcp). We've been married almost 9 years, and together for 15. I'd choose my husband over a baby, so I guess I'm stuck.
post #176 of 387
Thread Starter 
Im a single mom by choice (that is, I chose to be a mom though single). I have a friend who waited 20 years (!!!!) for her husband to finally be ready and he never was. Then he ended up leaving her for the old cliche, his secretary, who was in her early 20's. Now he has two kids with her! After 20 years of saying he didnt want them. And my friend ended up becoming a single mom and has a beautiful little boy so she is doing well now.

I cant imagine having to choose between being with someone who I love and getting to be a mother. Did you and your husband agree to never have kids before you got married?
post #177 of 387
Quote:
Originally Posted by Logan View Post
Im a single mom by choice (that is, I chose to be a mom though single). I have a friend who waited 20 years (!!!!) for her husband to finally be ready and he never was. Then he ended up leaving her for the old cliche, his secretary, who was in her early 20's. Now he has two kids with her! After 20 years of saying he didn't want them. And my friend ended up becoming a single mom and has a beautiful little boy so she is doing well now.

I cant imagine having to choose between being with someone who I love and getting to be a mother. Did you and your husband agree to never have kids before you got married?
No, but we didn't agree TO have kids, either. That isn't to say we didn't talk about it. We did, and we both were ambivalent. In fact, we were in almost the same place -- we thought that we might like kids someday, but we weren't sure. We were open to the idea of adoption if we couldn't conceive biologically and decided we wanted children. That was 9 years ago, and we've both matured and changed. We were in our 20s then; now we're in our 30s. We couldn't predict how we'd feel now. How rotten it feels to have ended up in different spots in this area.

Edited to add: Thanks for your response.
post #178 of 387
Thread Starter 


Have you asked him if he would feel differently about adoption instead? Or what about even fostering for a while so he can see what having kids is like?
post #179 of 387
Thanks for those suggestions. It's the having kids that scares him, not the biological/me being pregnant aspect, so I imagine adoption's not the option that would allow him to say "yes" to parenting. As for fostering, I've always assumed that our 1-bedroom apartment in NYC would keep us from being foster parents. If we had our own baby, we'd have to figure out another living situation within a few years, but fostering an older child would require that immediately, I would think.
post #180 of 387
Thread Starter 
I may be wrong, but I think under 2 years they are allowed to have the cot in your room. Certainly in New York they would probably make more allowances than in other places. But it couldnt hurt to look. Maybe you could just do some short term or respite, that way he knows its just temporary and doesnt require him to commit for the rest of his life. Its just an idea, but if its worth it to you it cant hurt to look into it
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