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Wanting But Waiting Tribe *2010* - Page 15

post #281 of 387
Dh was complaining that I talk about wanting a baby way too much, and that it isn't going to do anything but make him annoyed. I had said in passing while making dinner/handling Nora/cleaning the kitchen, "Aren't I such a good mama? And I'll be an even better one with 2 kids, right?" I said with a wink, being lighthearted -- I said it b/c I'm trying to find ways to put a positive picture in his mind of how it'll be with more than one child. Not b/c I'm trying to force it on him or make him feel bad. But he tells me later that comments like that make him annoyed. What is that all about?

I've been trying very hard to keep my cool w/DD, even when she's being extra whiny/screamy, and do extra work around the house to show how well I could handle another...and honestly I don't feel like he cares. I don't think he notices. Should I just not even bother anymore? It's not going to help or hurt my case to just do my best and not worry if he "notices".

Maybe I do just need to chill. My feelings are just getting too hurt!
post #282 of 387
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post
Dh was complaining that I talk about wanting a baby way too much, and that it isn't going to do anything but make him annoyed. I had said in passing while making dinner/handling Nora/cleaning the kitchen, "Aren't I such a good mama? And I'll be an even better one with 2 kids, right?" I said with a wink, being lighthearted -- I said it b/c I'm trying to find ways to put a positive picture in his mind of how it'll be with more than one child. Not b/c I'm trying to force it on him or make him feel bad. But he tells me later that comments like that make him annoyed. What is that all about?

I've been trying very hard to keep my cool w/DD, even when she's being extra whiny/screamy, and do extra work around the house to show how well I could handle another...and honestly I don't feel like he cares. I don't think he notices. Should I just not even bother anymore? It's not going to help or hurt my case to just do my best and not worry if he "notices".

Maybe I do just need to chill. My feelings are just getting too hurt!
I had to get to the point where I just stopped talking about it. It would turn in to a fight every time I brought it up, even if I was mentioning it in a "good way". It's now gotten to the point where I can say stuff like that occasionally and even DH says stuff referencing another child but we both keep it pretty light-hearted.
post #283 of 387
Does anyone here get to the point where an "oops" would be welcomed, but you almost feel bad about it because you know your SO doesn't feel the same way. I feel that way right now. We want to wait until we are married. But I'm 24 and he is almost 29 and I am so ready to have a baby. We have lived together for 2 1/2 years, and he wont propose because he says he isnt ready. We talk about a wedding, and he will discus baby names and we have them picked out and blah, blah blah. We have had scares before and he was all about wecoming a baby if thats what ws going on, but he wont propose, so no babies, as far as actively ttc is concerned. I feel so torned and tempted just have an oops. I dont want that b/c I dont want to feel like I planned to sabotage our plan, but I dont feel like its our plan sometimes, more like his plan.

thanks for listening....
post #284 of 387
An oops would be totally welcomed, but I'm the big holdout... anytime I'm really ready to start, I can. SO is just waiting for me... BUT he knows me, he won't let me convince myself in the moment that it's a good idea. he's right, I will be a lot more comfortable with it in just a few months, and it's better to have as little stress as possible during pregnancy... ugh, my own words are haunting me!!
post #285 of 387
How soon is too soon to take out an IUD after insertion? I have only had it a month...but my DF is constantly saying that my daughter needs a half-brother....and i want one so bad. but the IUD is in there and i dont want to remove it too soon and cause fertility problems.
post #286 of 387
Dh says he would happily welcome an oops if it were to happen. It's just ...how do you really have an oops when you're charting?! I know my cycle and I know when to be more cautious. So, until he's really ready to stop avoiding, I don't think it could happen.
I don't think we'll TTC again, unless of course we stop avoiding and we don't get pg within a few cycles. I would like to just stop preventing and throw caution to the wind -- not necessarily TRY like we did with DD, but just stop preventing. Dh just isn't there yet. So until he is, I'm just going to keep my thoughts to myself, and of course, here! I don't like the stress it's causing in our marriage. We're finally in a good place (and we need to be in this good place) so I don't want to seem like I'm pushing him.

I just need to chill out!

I'm still trying to figure out how to deal w/nursing while pg, if I even want to do that, how I would get DD down for her nap or to bed w/o nursing if I decide to wean her. There are a lot of things telling me to wait, too. Or, at the very least, telling me it would be easier on me to wait, as well. It's just very hard to listen to that inner voice! I keep thinking, many women have babies close in age, it's not impossible. What am I really that afraid of??
post #287 of 387
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post
Dh says he would happily welcome an oops if it were to happen. It's just ...how do you really have an oops when you're charting?! I know my cycle and I know when to be more cautious. So, until he's really ready to stop avoiding, I don't think it could happen.
I don't think we'll TTC again, unless of course we stop avoiding and we don't get pg within a few cycles. I would like to just stop preventing and throw caution to the wind -- not necessarily TRY like we did with DD, but just stop preventing. Dh just isn't there yet. So until he is, I'm just going to keep my thoughts to myself, and of course, here! I don't like the stress it's causing in our marriage. We're finally in a good place (and we need to be in this good place) so I don't want to seem like I'm pushing him.
That is exactly how I feel, but I dont know that he knows that, so I am so torn. I hate bringing up the subject, becuase I know he will talk about it with me, but it doesnt go anywhere. I hate feeling like I'm in limbo until he makes a decision!!!!
post #288 of 387
Maybe (probably!) I'm just rationalizing, but my current theory is this: My DH, despite saying he's not ready, must not be TOO adverse to the possibility of an oops. This is based on the facts that a) I went off the pill last summer, b) we used to use condoms (which I could see being actively avoiding) but now withdrawal is our only method of contraception (which I kind of consider passively avoiding; especially since he doesn't avoid based on time in cycle, mostly b/c he is unaware of it) and c) my DH is very skilled at pulling out and avoiding certain areas, but the most recent time, he was a little "sloppy" as to where things ended up. I'm hesitantly keeping my fingers crossed this month b/c our last BD within a day or two of when I thought I should be O'ing. I know it's a long shot, but I can hesitantly hope

What's weird is that OPKs are showing up -. I started using them so that I could track O and determine when AF should be arriving. Especially after the one wonky cycle I had, I wanted to have more info on my cycle. I had a stark white one, then a slight pink line, then a light pink but darker than the previous one, then back to stark white. I'm wondering if I just missed the surge. This is my first month using them and I haven't gotten into the flow of it; I haven't been consistent on when I've used them.
post #289 of 387
I think I belong here too. I'm also in the NMY tribe.

We're living abroad until mid-dec, and will probably spend a few weeks visiting family (they miss us!) before heading home. Part of the waiting is the hubs not being totally ready, and the other part is me not wanting to go 6 months without prenatal care. I feel like ditching the condoms in August or September is a good idea, and he definitely knows I'm thinking that way by now!

I don't chart, but I do get abundantly clear ovulation cramps on day 14, so we skip the condoms in the last few days before my period starts. Despite what I said above, I'm totally hoping for an oops
post #290 of 387
Hi ladies! I'm new to this thread. I've been looking for a place like this for some time....I have two children now...2 1/2 and 1....i just started my bachelors so have to wait AT LEAST four years only problem is...I don't have hubby on board with a third child at all. Maybe that's because the financial responsibility is fully on him right now? Or maybe he really will never change his mind? Its really hard to talk to him about it....

Does the want for more children ever fade?

Thanks
post #291 of 387
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sammerson0814 View Post
Does anyone here get to the point where an "oops" would be welcomed...
Yes, for both DH and I, an oops would be most welcome. But it would also be the most irresponsible thing we could possibly do right now, so an oops is not an option. Plus, after 16 years together without a single oops, having one is statistically impossible.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SomedayMaybe3 View Post
Does the want for more children ever fade?
For me, some days it's less intense and some days I feel miserable becuase we can't have another for the foreseeable future. Some days I look at DS and know that we are truly, truly blessed to have in him our lives. Those are the days when I don't want another one as badly. And then other days, I think of how alone DS will be as an only child, and all I want to do is cry becuase we simply can't have another one right now, maybe ever.

On the bright side, DH and I have made a pact- we're going to see where we are in a year. If having a baby is still not possible, then we're going to start the process of adopting. I'm excited about that!
post #292 of 387
HEY LADIES! May I join? I am not a new member, I just reregistered for some privacy reasons under a new name. A little about me, I am 26, you can call me T. I have 2 beautiful daughters A and A, they are 3 and 10 months. I have been with my partner S for 6 years. We REALLLLLY want another baby but are waiting. I am applying for the nursing program in Sept and would Start January 2011. I will be done in December of 2011. We are not sure when we will be able to start trying. We are moving to a larger 4 bedroom apartment in August and will be renovating that apartment. I currently work as a CNA at a nursing home, I actually start on Monday, its a new job and I am excited and nervous. We plan on buying a house in a few years too. We also plan on getting married within the next couple of years. So there is a lot of things going on and coming up. I just finished potty learning with my oldest and just feel like adding to our family. I have to fight the urge to have another baby and because I am so fertile or have been in the past have to be so very careful to not get pregnant which is reallly hard.

Anyway, glad to be here.
post #293 of 387
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post
Dh was complaining that I talk about wanting a baby way too much, and that it isn't going to do anything but make him annoyed. I had said in passing while making dinner/handling Nora/cleaning the kitchen, "Aren't I such a good mama? And I'll be an even better one with 2 kids, right?" I said with a wink, being lighthearted -- I said it b/c I'm trying to find ways to put a positive picture in his mind of how it'll be with more than one child. Not b/c I'm trying to force it on him or make him feel bad. But he tells me later that comments like that make him annoyed. What is that all about?

I've been trying very hard to keep my cool w/DD, even when she's being extra whiny/screamy, and do extra work around the house to show how well I could handle another...and honestly I don't feel like he cares. I don't think he notices. Should I just not even bother anymore? It's not going to help or hurt my case to just do my best and not worry if he "notices".

Maybe I do just need to chill. My feelings are just getting too hurt!
Aww sweetie this is hard! (((((HUGS)))))). Men tend to naturally be fixers. They dont really tend to know how to just "listen" without solving the problem. so maybe when you talk about it and he can't help solve this for you and give you what he knows you want and need it makes him feel bad, he may process that as annoyance because he doesnt know how to otherwise. I HTH or made sense. im really really sorry for what you are going through.
post #294 of 387
so yesterday i told everyone that it was really hard to talk to hubby about wanting a new baby....but last night i found the perfect window...What it boils down to for him is money. He actually said that we will look at how much money we're making in a few years when our oldest starts 1st grade and see then I'm really excited but also expecting him to change his mind Who knows maybe i will too...doubt it tho...for now i need to concentrate on graduating my bachelors as fast as i can and just enjoying my two kiddos
post #295 of 387
Do any of you have partners who want one just as much if not MORE than you? My man wants one and talks about it more than me. It makes in harder for me, since I feel like the fact that I have had to put off school so many times for various reasons that I cannot give him the thing he so wants. We will be making love and he makes a beautiful statement about wanting to make a baby and I melt. I HATE taking this crappy birth control. HATE HATE it...

Speaking of which, what are all you ladies doing for birth control? Im not currently happy with mine.
post #296 of 387
Quote:
Originally Posted by SomedayMaybe3 View Post
so yesterday i told everyone that it was really hard to talk to hubby about wanting a new baby....but last night i found the perfect window...What it boils down to for him is money. He actually said that we will look at how much money we're making in a few years when our oldest starts 1st grade and see then I'm really excited but also expecting him to change his mind Who knows maybe i will too...doubt it tho...for now i need to concentrate on graduating my bachelors as fast as i can and just enjoying my two kiddos
Money has been the issue for us in the past and I know how that feels. men seem to worry the most about this factor with children. My partner came around, I bet your hubby will too!
post #297 of 387
Quote:
Originally Posted by MommatoAandA View Post
Do any of you have partners who want one just as much if not MORE than you?
...
Speaking of which, what are all you ladies doing for birth control? Im not currently happy with mine.
I really wish I could empathize with the first part, but I'm the one who wants it

As for the latter, we are just using withdrawal, so I'm hoping for the possibility of an oops
post #298 of 387
Quote:
Originally Posted by MommatoAandA View Post
Do any of you have partners who want one just as much if not MORE than you?
My husband wants this as much as I do, but we had a big scare with my pregnancy with DS, so although he wants another one, he's scared to death. Even if we were in a solid place financially (meaning I get to stay home because DS is the main breadwinner again- we believe that I should be home during the early years and any childcare outside of me or DH is completely out of the question. There's no way I'll work with an infant at home. ) it would still take a lot of positive comments from our specialist team to convince DH to move forward with planning a second. We've always wanted two kids. We're so happy with DS, but just one more would be so great, and DH completely agrees with that.
post #299 of 387
Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkgeek View Post
I really wish I could empathize with the first part, but I'm the one who wants it

As for the latter, we are just using withdrawal, so I'm hoping for the possibility of an oops
Ditto, and Ditto! I am the one who has the Baby fever and the pull and pray method isn't giving me the outcome I want. I think that is beacuse my body know I am still torn. Wedding first or baby first? He says wedding someday... baby a hell of a lot later. I want both.. yesterday!!!! Ugh why are men so thick headed and stubborn. I swear the only thing that works with mine is an ultimatum.
post #300 of 387
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sammerson0814 View Post
the pull and pray method isn't giving me the outcome I want.
I imagine that while both genders call it this, you and I are praying for something different than the guys are! LOL!

I'm cautiously that a "sloppy" WD over the holiday weekend will be the oops I've been waiting for, but who knows. It's taking everything in my power to not test before like 8-9 DPO...
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