We tried the SNS tonight and it didn't go well. After 2 hours of him screaming I finally put him down to rest. He only ate 1/2 an ounce. I want to do what's right and get him to the breast but its so depressing every time we try and now he is starving himself because we won't let him eat from the bottle. I had it at the fastest flow and was squeezing it in his mouth so all he had to do was swallow. I just want him to associate the breast with food right now and not worry about it being hard to suck but he still screamed. Its gut wrenching.
Unfortunately DH can't help much. He supports me and makes the bottle up for the SNS but he can't do any chores due to his surgery. It'll be 6 months before he can lift more than 2lbs with his left arm. He did put a load of laundry in for me today but I know it was extremely difficult for him to do so. He has to go back to work tomorrow too. My parents were here but only for a week and they really didn't help much. They got the nursery sorta in shape because they were staying in there on our spare bed and they cooked some meals but those left overs are gone already. It's all me now. I wish we could afford to hire someone to help but the cost of living in AK is too much for us to afford paid help. We'll manage though. There are moms out there without a husband/friend for even emotional support so I count my blessings anyways. I guess maybe the best thing to do would be to make a list of things that need to be done in a day and then when I have time btw feedings/pumping I can pick something on the list and try to get them all done.
I'm starting to think maybe I should stick to my original plan to pump exclusively and bottle feed him my bm. I had decided to give bfing a try once he was big enough and awake enough to suck but for the life of me I can't remember why I wanted to do that... maybe because it would cut out the whole setting up the pump and cleaning it steps? I don't remember now. /sigh Pregnancy brain + Depressed brain = really bad memory. I just don't know how many more hours or days I can listen to him scream at my breast and watch him starve himself. I'm putting him to breast WAY before he is super hungry too... the moment he squeaks or begins to root. He wakes up, sees that he's on the breast and all hell breaks loose.
That is, don't be afraid to try positions that none of the books say... because if baby's comfy, that's what matters.