Hi! 
I'm pretty sure this is my first post ever in this forum. I've been on a personal journey of spiritual growth since May of last year, when my husband's youngest brother was found dead in his apartment. He was only 25 and he and I were such good friends. It has been a devastating loss. Before it happened I was a hardcore, life-long Atheist. I was utterly convinced that there is no god, that there is no after-life, that death is final. I tried my best to talk his parents out of even having a Preacher at his funeral because he was Atheist, too, and I felt strongly that his (lack of) beliefs needed to be considered before those of anyone else.
A week after his funeral is when I started having inexplicable things happen to me. I tried to explain them away rationally but soon realized that there was no such explanation. The first thing that happened is that I was taking Arianna for a walk in her mei tai. As we were leaving the house, I showed her her Uncle's bush that my parents sent up for him. I told her we'd water it when we got back and immediately my cell phone beeped in my pocket. I pulled it out and it showed his name and number on the screen. I thought it was a fun coincidence, and nothing more.
Then, more things started to happen. I felt my car rock twice when the engine was off, the keys were out of the ignition, and the kids and I were perfectly still. Another time, I went to McDonalds (
) after class for dinner. Just joking around, I challenged my BIL in my head to make the bag move. I went to the back of the restaurant, away from all the other patrons, and away from any wind source. I set it on the table and made sure I wasn't touching it or breathing on it in any way. The top of the bag folded down just like someone pushed it with their fingers. It was all I could do to not jump on the table and dance with amazement. 
More and more things happened with no reasonable explanation. Believe me, I tried. I started finding hearts when I felt downtrodden, lonely, dejected, or just when I thought of him. I showed photos of the hearts to one of my college instructors. She loved them and told me about a friend of hers who finds heart shaped rocks that she considers to be from her deceased loved one. I thought having a rock sounded great so I asked my BIL if he could please send me a little heart shaped rock so I could have something physical to remind me of him. A little over a week later I went out to get the mail from the mailbox at the end of the driveway. A single pebble lined up beside the box caught my eye. I was about to kick it, simply because it seemed like a fun thing to do, when I got really good look at it and realized it was the heart rock I'd asked for. I picked it up and looked at it, and indeed it was a perfect little heart. Finding that little pebble waiting for me at the mailbox is undeniably one of the most incredible and life-changing experiences of my life.
Whenever I start to doubt that life and love live on, I only have to think of my little heart which is always close to me.
Having those experiences gave me a shove into looking into spirituality for the first time. I've spent the last eight months practically devouring books on physics (yes, real scientific physics), metaphysics, after-death communication, tarot, numerology, etc. and what I have found is fascinating. A whole new side of my life has appeared right before my eyes. I'd always considered myself a well-rounded person, but I had been mistaken. My personal growth during this time has been remarkable. I am more peaceful, more focused, more loving. I've changed so much for the positive, and from such a negative experience at that.
I'll stop here, it's late. I'll try to add more thoughts later.
I'm pretty sure this is my first post ever in this forum. I've been on a personal journey of spiritual growth since May of last year, when my husband's youngest brother was found dead in his apartment. He was only 25 and he and I were such good friends. It has been a devastating loss. Before it happened I was a hardcore, life-long Atheist. I was utterly convinced that there is no god, that there is no after-life, that death is final. I tried my best to talk his parents out of even having a Preacher at his funeral because he was Atheist, too, and I felt strongly that his (lack of) beliefs needed to be considered before those of anyone else.A week after his funeral is when I started having inexplicable things happen to me. I tried to explain them away rationally but soon realized that there was no such explanation. The first thing that happened is that I was taking Arianna for a walk in her mei tai. As we were leaving the house, I showed her her Uncle's bush that my parents sent up for him. I told her we'd water it when we got back and immediately my cell phone beeped in my pocket. I pulled it out and it showed his name and number on the screen. I thought it was a fun coincidence, and nothing more.
Then, more things started to happen. I felt my car rock twice when the engine was off, the keys were out of the ignition, and the kids and I were perfectly still. Another time, I went to McDonalds (
) after class for dinner. Just joking around, I challenged my BIL in my head to make the bag move. I went to the back of the restaurant, away from all the other patrons, and away from any wind source. I set it on the table and made sure I wasn't touching it or breathing on it in any way. The top of the bag folded down just like someone pushed it with their fingers. It was all I could do to not jump on the table and dance with amazement. More and more things happened with no reasonable explanation. Believe me, I tried. I started finding hearts when I felt downtrodden, lonely, dejected, or just when I thought of him. I showed photos of the hearts to one of my college instructors. She loved them and told me about a friend of hers who finds heart shaped rocks that she considers to be from her deceased loved one. I thought having a rock sounded great so I asked my BIL if he could please send me a little heart shaped rock so I could have something physical to remind me of him. A little over a week later I went out to get the mail from the mailbox at the end of the driveway. A single pebble lined up beside the box caught my eye. I was about to kick it, simply because it seemed like a fun thing to do, when I got really good look at it and realized it was the heart rock I'd asked for. I picked it up and looked at it, and indeed it was a perfect little heart. Finding that little pebble waiting for me at the mailbox is undeniably one of the most incredible and life-changing experiences of my life.
Whenever I start to doubt that life and love live on, I only have to think of my little heart which is always close to me.Having those experiences gave me a shove into looking into spirituality for the first time. I've spent the last eight months practically devouring books on physics (yes, real scientific physics), metaphysics, after-death communication, tarot, numerology, etc. and what I have found is fascinating. A whole new side of my life has appeared right before my eyes. I'd always considered myself a well-rounded person, but I had been mistaken. My personal growth during this time has been remarkable. I am more peaceful, more focused, more loving. I've changed so much for the positive, and from such a negative experience at that.
I'll stop here, it's late. I'll try to add more thoughts later.
