Second Birth Questions

[IdentityCrisisMama]

Hi, Mamas

I would love to hear your advice about second births, especially after a rather difficult 1st birth.

My story is that I planned a HB with a midwife who, after reading some books and thinking about her, I think wanted me to be more proactive about my birth. My attitude back then was more "pick a good birth attendant and let her tell me what to do". As a result I think I was not very knowledgeable about birth.

Labor started with water breaking with frequent but relatively painless contractions. MW came early on and I labored believing I was in hard labor for 15 hours - vomiting throughout. During transition I had some strange feelings that I now think it mistook for the urge to push and pushed with a lip for 3 hours at which point we transfered. DC was born less than an hour at the hospital. MW recognized what she and I knew was a problem after the birth (Dr. insisted there was not problem!) and MW pushed a clot out followed by a bit of bleeding. Got a transfusion.

Now I've been doing a lot of reading about birth in general, nausea and hemorrhage and I can tell that there is a lot I can do during pregnancy and in preparation for labor that will help. I also know that I will get REST during the early stages of labor and stay active as long as possible. I'll also talk to the MW (new, we moved) about laboring on the toilet, which is where I felt most comfortable and just try to bond better in general with my new midwife - my relationship with the MW at my birth was strained.

I guess my questions are: am I crazy to think that I can make so much of a difference by being more prepared? How much of an improvement will a better relationship with my MW make? Should I change my thinking that there is a really good chance of things being easier for the 2nd birth? Isn't it usually? Should I assume there is a good chance of vomiting throughout again? Of hemorrhaging again? Am I setting myself up for disappointment with this attitude that I have right now of feeling like I can better "control" birth this time around. What is the balance between feeling in control of birth and letting go

[finnegansmom]

I don't know much about vomiting during labor or hemorraging but I did have 2 totally different birth experiences...

My first birth was horrible. A CS happy OB who talked me into getting induced at 40w because she insisted I had high BP, pushed me into stadol or demoral or something that made me insane, the nurses requested I had an epi because I wasn't progressing on Pit, I couldn't move my legs but could feel EVERYTHING, and after 5 hours of pushing until I had black eyes, my poor bruised son was vacuum extracted out... ugh, it SUCKED. I felt like a total failure. And the pain was unbearable, I don't know how many stitiches I had but it was like razor wire down there

I read every single book I could on natural labor techniques once I found out I was pregnant with #2, I practiced, I went to a midwife instead, and was very open with my wishes for a natural birth, I put trust in myself and put myself in control of my healthcare. I became stubborn but not stupid. My midwife was awesome and let me be in control, finally at 41 weeks when labor started (quickly) I followed my plan which was everything different than #1 basically. Labored at home, got to the birthcenter/hospital in transition, jumped in the tub and had the baby. I swear, it didn't even hurt.... it was so empowering and completely different. My body knew what to do and I let it. It was really amazing and the birth I totally wanted from the start.
For some reason laboring at home all ALONE made the difference for me. I guess I'm someone who handles pain/work/intensity all alone much better than with people around. I would say in a word my first birth experience was chaos, and my second was peaceful. Good luck!

[sunfish21]

Originally Posted by IdentityCrisisMama

Hi, Mamas


I guess my questions are: am I crazy to think that I can make so much of a difference by being more prepared? How much of an improvement will a better relationship with my MW make? Should I change my thinking that there is a really good chance of things being easier for the 2nd birth? Isn't it usually? Should I assume there is a good chance of vomiting throughout again? Of hemorrhaging again? Am I setting myself up for disappointment with this attitude that I have right now of feeling like I can better "control" birth this time around. What is the balance between feeling in control of birth and letting go

I wish I could help more; I am facing many of these questions and concerns myself. I am getting very mixed options from MWs about the hemorrhaging (I have talked to several). Some believe that if you did the first time around you are more likely to the second time; others say that one delivery has little to do with the next. It is hard to know--I haven't read any statistics about it.

I think that your mindset and midwife can have a lot to do with it, but in the end I would guess whatever is going to happen is going to happen. I think the best we can do is be prepared for anything but have a goal in mind.

[autumnday]

I bet being more prepared will make a tremendous difference in your 2nd birth experience. In my experience, those mama's who have put the time in preparing have never regretted it and always report after the birth that going into birth with all the knowledge they had made all the difference in their birth.

As for the balance between controlling birth and letting go, maybe coming from the perspective that you can control and attune with your body, rather than trying to control the actual birth. It sounds like you were doing this in the first birth when you said that both you and your midwife knew there was a problem following your baby's birth, and sure enough you were right on. Also, in knowing you were most comfortable laboring on the toilet (I always recommend this location to mamas, it is one of the best laboring places!!), again here, you were tuned in to what was working for you.

I think letting go comes in more with being comfortable enough and having enough trust in your body to allow the birth to unfold as it needs to. In feeling completely safe and comfortable your body will be better able to orchestrate the interplay between the tightening of the uterine muscles and the softening of the cervix that should happen simultaneously.

Feeling comfortable and safe with your MW and the birth environment is of utmost importance to help you feel in control of your body and be able to let the birth process flow, so getting to know your MW well is essential to that equation.

Though it is difficult, trying to spend too much time thinking about the vomiting and hemorrhaging that occurred with your last birth, these things may not occur this time, though knowing they may can help change how you handle it this time. In my own births, I vomited a fair amount with my first, so with my second, my MW was prepared with cold rags in the bathroom, so when I hit transition and bolted for the toilet, she threw a cold rag the back of my neck and stopped the reflex early enough that I had no vomiting at all Your current MW may have suggestions for you during your pregnancy to try to prevent PPH as well, so check with her on that, and let her know about the vomiting, if you haven't already. Overall, definitely don't change your outlook that this birth very well could go better, and will definitely be different in one way or another.

Hope this answered some of your questions!! And congratulations on number 2 !

[mama to 2 girls]

Being prepared will make a huge difference...at least it did for me....

I didn't have any hemorrhaging and I only threw up a couple times but dd1's birth was HORRIBLE......went in thinking I could get thru a pit. induced birth without any interventions. I had every intervention aside from a c-sec. It was truly awful. After 23 hrs. of labor dd1 was born.

DD2's birth was a BREEZE, I left the OB practice I went to for dd1's birth and found a m/w. I LOVED her, I felt so comfortable with her. My labor was only 4 hrs. long so it was SUPER intense but it was so peaceful (except for myself the last 20 mins. ) and I was ready to do it again as soon as she was born.

I hope you find the same with your second birth.

[IdentityCrisisMama]

Thank you to everyone for your kind words and encouragement! The more I think about it I do think I can get to a place where I prepare for some of the things that happened last time and am emotionally ready to deal with them at the same time that I remain optimistic that things will be better this time. I'm meeting with some midwives this week and will let you all know what they say.

Sunfish, I did look up hemmorhage and vomiting here on MDC and found a lot of posts about it. It seemed to me that about 50% of people had repeat symptoms and when you had people with lots of births (like 4 or more) they at least had one that did not follow the mold. Scientists are rollign over in their grave right now! LOL!