WWYD? Leaving DD alone w/mom with health issue

[gbailey]

My mother and I have had some serious personal issues in the past but when I was pregnant she was really there for me. She had also been a great grandma to DD. She follows our rules on the occasions she's been left with DD and is respectful of our parenting choices. She's even supportive of how we feed, parent, etc. Anyway, my mother had some health issues in the past couple of years that she's fortunately recovered from. My issue is she has cataracts and her vision is awful! I gave her a book for Christmas that is clearly purple but she thought it was brown. One day she asked about a table in our bedroom...it was a bag from Toys R' Us.

My mother recently offered to come over and babysit DD during the day so I can go out to lunch with a friend or do whatever it is I need to do. DH says he thinks DD would be fine alone with my mom for a few hours in spite of the eye sight but it doesn't make me comfortable. The issues between my mother and I were so deep it's a bit of a miracle I'm civilto her. DH's mom is a bootlegged grandmother who's never seen met DD and could give two cents about her but my mother "chats" with her on speaker phone, calls and asks about her and makes time to come visit her and do fun things with her when she is here. I don't want to hurt my mothers feelings but I also don't know if leaving DD alone with her is wise. DH doesn't think it's a big deal but he hasn't seen my mothers sight issues first hand. WWYD? I already know what I need to do. My mothers feelings will be hurt if I tell her, "Mom, we can't have you watch DD alone because of your sight." She also may translate this into my saying, "I'm still pissed off at you and this is my passive aggressive way of not wanting you to spend time with my daughter." It's a very sensitive issue and I want to handle it in a way that leaves me comfortable and doesn't hurt my mothers feelings. Frankly, I'm not sure I would be as sensitive to anyone else's feelings but I am not sure how to handle this one.

[spedteacher30]

If your mother lives independently, and is able to orient herself safely around your home, I don't see what your concern is. There are plenty of parents who have visual impairments and parent very successfully.

[angelcollector1]

I'm not sure how old your DD is, so that would play a part in the situation.
Have you talked to your mom about seeing the eye dr? Maybe if you suggest she go for a vision check it would help lay some ground work.
Also, keep in mind that blind people have and care for children too.
No other suggestions at this time because I think your DD's age would impact the choices I made.

[gbailey]

Originally Posted by spedteacher30

If your mother lives independently, and is able to orient herself safely around your home, I don't see what your concern is. There are plenty of parents who have visual impairments and parent very successfully.

She does live independently. Thanks for giving me another way of looking at it but my concern is I have a toddler who is into everything. While our apartment is as childproofed as it can be, that doesn't stop DD from getting into things she shouldn't be getting into. I worry that my mother may miss something or think she's playing with x when it's really something else.

[gbailey]

Originally Posted by angelcollector1

I'm not sure how old your DD is, so that would play a part in the situation.
Have you talked to your mom about seeing the eye dr? Maybe if you suggest she go for a vision check it would help lay some ground work.
Also, keep in mind that blind people have and care for children too.
No other suggestions at this time because I think your DD's age would impact the choices I made.

Thanks. DD just turned 20 months. The eye dr. suggested she get surgery but she is firm on not wanting it.

[boheime]

Rather than replying that you don't feel comfortable leaving your child alone with her, what if you instead invite her over to do stuff with the two of you? "Hey, Mom! Dd and I would love to have you over to make cookies with us. What day is good for you?" Perhaps she just wants to spend some time with her grandaughter. Inviting he over to do things while you are there is a win/win situation.

[ChetMC]

I Am...

I am legally blind in my right eye and have no functional vision in my left eye, and I have four kids.

It can be more difficult to function with a vision lose that happens later in life (my condition is congenital). If your mom isn't coping well with her vision lose and you have specific concerns which she is not willing to address than yes, I think it's reasonable to not leave her alone with your DD. For example, if she is driving when she shouldn't be and safety is a concern. However, unless you have a particular concern in terms of your mom's ability to care for your DD I wouldn't say anything.

[gbailey]

Originally Posted by boheime

Rather than replying that you don't feel comfortable leaving your child alone with her, what if you instead invite her over to do stuff with the two of you? "Hey, Mom! Dd and I would love to have you over to make cookies with us. What day is good for you?" Perhaps she just wants to spend some time with her grandaughter. Inviting he over to do things while you are there is a win/win situation.

Thanks. That's easy and it would make me happy. DD loves being with her. They have a great time together and my mom always teaches her a new song to hum. When my mother mentions coming over this week to watch DD so I can do something on my own (a very thoughtful suggestion I might add), I'll tell her I rather just make us a nice lunch so we can all spend time together and maybe I can get in a good nap while she's here.

[gbailey]

Originally Posted by ChetMC

I am legally blind in my right eye and have no functional vision in my left eye, and I have four kids.

It can be more difficult to function with a vision lose that happens later in life (my condition is congenital). If your mom isn't coping well with her vision lose and you have specific concerns which she is not willing to address than yes, I think it's reasonable to not leave her alone with your DD. For example, if she is driving when she shouldn't be and safety is a concern. However, unless you have a particular concern in terms of your mom's ability to care for your DD I wouldn't say anything.

Thanks ChetMC