I moved right before the holidays so this is really the very beginning of working out our custody set-up. I've been really on the fine line of not wanting to get too grabby vs. not wanting to give away the farm and get screwed. Luckily, we've got a few months before I do the lawyer thing. (I want the house sold and car refinanced in his name only first.) So I've been sort of thinking of things we need. My dad was a juvenile judge for decades and has tons of experience and just this weekend he was suggesting to put EVERYTHING in writing. He said that everyone gets along fine until someone wants to move or someone gets a new boy/girlfriend. I said I was open for suggestions. He told me that if we're going to wing it for a few months, then I'll know what needs to be in writing by then!
So today, first day home after all of the travels. He'd asked to have DS "for a few hours" today. Apparently we have different interpretations. Last night when I called to discuss it, he totally forgot he'd asked to have DS. I called at 11:am thinking I was running late to say we were on our way over. He said "oh, um, well, I have a football game to go to. I was thinking later." "when is later" "like, 3:00? He'll be awake from his nap by then, right?" "maybe." Then a call later that he needed to go look at a rental house, so maybe it'd be more like 4:00 or 5:00. On a school night. For a child that goes to bed at 7:00.
I wasn't thinking we needed those clauses about pick-up times and if you're so many minutes late it's canceled and 48 hr notice and all that. I thought "oh I want to be flexible!" "I don't want to keep DS from him!" But looks like even in a very amicable set-up we need it all in writing so that there are clear expectations agreed on up front. We both know what's going on and can rely on those expectations.
I took some serious notes from the thread about clauses to go into the agreement.
It's totally going to be one-sided and he'll sign anything I give him. I just need him to understand what he's signing.
The next few months are going to be interesting. I'll be taking notes. (Guess Dad was right!)
Oh, I also made it clear to STBX that this loosey goosey thing wasn't going to work out. We needed an actual schedule so that we both know what to expect. I've dealt with "I guess I just didn't think" for 9 years. It's time to work on that because giving false expectations to my confused 3 year old is not ok.
Now...off to write up a framework for visititation that are explicit but not bitchy. (I can go bitchy if I need to, but avoiding it at the moment.)
Fun fun fun! So, looking at the calendar, he may see DS for 1 maybe 2 weekends in the next two months. Awesome. Oh well. We've got the nightly skyping. And DS hasn't been used to an involved dad until the months following my decision to leave (since this past June). He'll get used to it again.
This is totally minor, I'm just rolling my eyes and laughing that it started on the very first day! This is the same man that last week suggested 50-50 custody after a single successful overnight and when we discussed the right of first refusal he declared that he'd never go out when he had DS for the weekend. And no harm done today. DS didn't really want to go over there. He misses STBX and the other house for about 5 mins at bedtime, otherwise he's fine over here at the new house with me.
It begins!
p.s. Not so flexible about CS since we'll be unofficial for a few months. I found the calculator and I'm still managing the finances. It will be taken care of!
So today, first day home after all of the travels. He'd asked to have DS "for a few hours" today. Apparently we have different interpretations. Last night when I called to discuss it, he totally forgot he'd asked to have DS. I called at 11:am thinking I was running late to say we were on our way over. He said "oh, um, well, I have a football game to go to. I was thinking later." "when is later" "like, 3:00? He'll be awake from his nap by then, right?" "maybe." Then a call later that he needed to go look at a rental house, so maybe it'd be more like 4:00 or 5:00. On a school night. For a child that goes to bed at 7:00.
I wasn't thinking we needed those clauses about pick-up times and if you're so many minutes late it's canceled and 48 hr notice and all that. I thought "oh I want to be flexible!" "I don't want to keep DS from him!" But looks like even in a very amicable set-up we need it all in writing so that there are clear expectations agreed on up front. We both know what's going on and can rely on those expectations.
I took some serious notes from the thread about clauses to go into the agreement.
It's totally going to be one-sided and he'll sign anything I give him. I just need him to understand what he's signing.
The next few months are going to be interesting. I'll be taking notes. (Guess Dad was right!)
Oh, I also made it clear to STBX that this loosey goosey thing wasn't going to work out. We needed an actual schedule so that we both know what to expect. I've dealt with "I guess I just didn't think" for 9 years. It's time to work on that because giving false expectations to my confused 3 year old is not ok.
Now...off to write up a framework for visititation that are explicit but not bitchy. (I can go bitchy if I need to, but avoiding it at the moment.)
Fun fun fun! So, looking at the calendar, he may see DS for 1 maybe 2 weekends in the next two months. Awesome. Oh well. We've got the nightly skyping. And DS hasn't been used to an involved dad until the months following my decision to leave (since this past June). He'll get used to it again.
This is totally minor, I'm just rolling my eyes and laughing that it started on the very first day! This is the same man that last week suggested 50-50 custody after a single successful overnight and when we discussed the right of first refusal he declared that he'd never go out when he had DS for the weekend. And no harm done today. DS didn't really want to go over there. He misses STBX and the other house for about 5 mins at bedtime, otherwise he's fine over here at the new house with me.
It begins!
p.s. Not so flexible about CS since we'll be unofficial for a few months. I found the calculator and I'm still managing the finances. It will be taken care of!
and say that you are starting a new year on your birthday and all the difficulties that you have just went through are over. 
You've already moved, and will be much more settled in your new life on your birthday next year. I also hope that something wonderful happens for you on your birthday so that you can get some self care in soon.
