Help me transition back to work ... advice?

[starling&diesel]

Hi mamas! Your wisdom is needed and appreciated, please ...

I've been off for 62 weeks of mat leave and am going back to work at the beginning of February. I am filled with anxiety about leaving DD and about going back to work.
I'm a paramedic and my shifts are 12 hours, plus mandatory overtime, and a commute of about 45 minutes to my station. I could be away for 16 hours or more.
I plan to only work two days a week: Tuesdays and Saturdays. She will be looked after by my mom, sister and DP.

My little one will be one year old on January 31st (), and I haven't left her for more than seven hours (which was one time when I had to testify in an attempted murder case for a paramedic call I did). She has been left for 2-3 hours at a time with my mom, sister and partner. I'm upgrading my CPR soon, and will be away from her for 8 hours for that, as a sort of trial day.

She still nurses on demand, which is about five times a day, and most of the night. She nurses down for naps and for the night. She doesn't take a bottle or soother, but does drink from a cup and uses a sippy.
We co-sleep, and I'll be getting up at 5am to go to work.

My questions:
What will happen to my supply? (I can't pump, but I might be able to hand express whenever I go to the bathroom.)
How will she nap?
How can I handle my worries about leaving her?
If she's been okay with being looked after by rellies until now, will she still be once the day is that much longer?
How do I get out of bed without her noticing or wanting to nurse? (She usually nurses at the time I'll be getting up...)
Should I be doing anything to prepare?
Any other advice?

Thank you in advance, mamas!
I'm losing sleep over this!

[dutchgal]

First,

Can I ask why you can't pump? Just curious, is it that you are physically unable to?

I remember being totally terrified as well. I couldn't fathom how a child that nursed so many times a day could even survive. She was with Dh and in good hands, but I was a wreck.

It's good that she uses a sippy. Can you express enough milk for her to have during the day? My LO liked homo milk right from the get go, so that wasn't a problem, but she had a tough time with sippies so I was reallty freaked. Turns out she held out until I got home, and then reverse cycled for a while, where she ramped up the amount she nursed at night. Yah, great combo when you're trying to get enough sleep while working .

Can you give her a short nurse before you go? You'll want to say goodbye to your LO anyways, what better way than a snuggle and a nurse?

Huge hugs, I know kids survive. She's with loved ones, so take solace in that!!

[Tjej]

If you can nurse her right before you go it will make it easier on YOU for the long time you are gone. It would also likely be nice for her too.

It may sound crazy to wake a kid up early, but sneaking out at that age could really do a number on her. It would be best if she were awake when you left and able to say goodbye. In watching other people's kids I've found this the case too - once a child overslept and the mom just left and MY GOODNESS he was upset. He really liked me and we always had fun, but he was shocked that his mom was gone when he woke up. If you can't wake her, I'd talk a lot about it with her beforehand.

She will be just fine. She will have to establish new routines with your family and it will take some time. They love her and she loves them. It will work out. She might be a bit clingy for a while - it's different and she might miss you. She might also just enjoy the new rhythm and not miss you much either - be ready for that possibility too or it might really throw you for a loop!

I think from what you've said it could help you and her if you did find a way to practice being away a bit more before you start work again - be gone for naptime a few times and they can work on a new routine. But if you don't do it before they'll just do it when they have to.

GL and once it gets going your work schedule sounds really nice!

Tjej

[flowmom]

My sister went back to work when her ds was 12 mo. Her experience was that 1. it works really well when you can trust the caregiver 2. the baby quickly develops new routines and ways of doing things when not with the breastfeeding parent 3. her ds did compensate by nursing more when she wasn't working. Your hours will add a bit of a wrinkle. I think it would probably help your LO to have a really solid routine before you go to work -- leave lots of time to have a leisurely nurse and have specific rituals before you leave. Also, with three other people taking care of her in addition to you, having everyone agree on and stick to daily routines will keep things grounded for her. Good luck!

[starling&diesel]

Originally Posted by dutchgal

First,

Can I ask why you can't pump? Just curious, is it that you are physically unable to?
Can you express enough milk for her to have during the day?
Can you give her a short nurse before you go? You'll want to say goodbye to your LO anyways, what better way than a snuggle and a nurse?

Thanks for your reply!
I have never been able to pump. I only ever got 1oz from one boob and that's about it. I'm low supply to begin with, and my boobs just don't play along with the pump. As well, I can't set up to pump at the station when we're likely to get called out. And the guys would slay me, even if I tried.
As for expressing ... same as above. She has had formula in a cup, and likes it. I might try the homo though, thanks for reminding me!
I think I will nurse her before I go ... she usually nurses around 0600 and then sleeps until 0900, on and off the boob. I'd have to nurse her at about 0445 and then see how it goes.
I have a feeling that she's going to wake up anyway, and she and DP will have to figure it out between the two of them.

Thanks again! And thanks for the hugs. It helps.

[starling&diesel]

Originally Posted by Tjej

If you can nurse her right before you go it will make it easier on YOU for the long time you are gone. It would also likely be nice for her too.
It may sound crazy to wake a kid up early, but sneaking out at that age could really do a number on her. It would be best if she were awake when you left and able to say goodbye.
I think from what you've said it could help you and her if you did find a way to practice being away a bit more before you start work again - be gone for naptime a few times and they can work on a new routine.

Thanks for your feedback, Tjej.
I am a believer in saying goodbye and having a ritual around it. I don't know why I thought that it'd be different so early in the morning. Thanks for reminding me about that. I think you're right. Hopefully I could say goodbye and she'd be able to go back to sleep, but that's wishful thinking, I think.
I am going to practice leaving her, to a degree. I have to admit that I'm feeling very selfish about my time with her right now. Although I could work in a couple of dates with DP in there somewhere. Also a good idea.

[starling&diesel]

Originally Posted by Ksenia

Also, with three other people taking care of her in addition to you, having everyone agree on and stick to daily routines will keep things grounded for her. Good luck!

Great idea, Ksenia! I think I'll have a family meeting. I was going to get everyone together beforehand to teach them child CPR and First Aid, so I could get everyone on the same schedule then. It's a little hard, because we don't really have a set schedule. But I think it'd be good to have one, especially when I'm not in the picture on the days that I work. Great advice. Thanks, hon!

[widemouthedfrog]

starling, I went back to work when dd was 11 months old. I felt similarly devastated. The first few weeks were rough as everyone developed their routines. After that, it became easier and her napping with others improved. I gave them some tips about what she liked and said that they could not do CIO, but other than that they had to find their own way. My mom would stroller walk with her, my MIL would sing and pat her back (which I was only able to do when dd slowed down on nursing at age 4).

I also had modest/lower supply and had a hard time pumping. I could pump enough for about 1 cup of milk per day when I was gone if I could pump hands free at work, but that was a stretch. Soon I went to 1 pumping session, mostly to keep up supply. I continued to pump until dd was ~18 months old, at which point she just went to milk and water when I was gone, nursing when I was home. She didn't really like the pumped milk anyway. If I were you I would hand express for comfort, even if the pumping doesn't work. I'd also encourage a lot of nursing once you get home, and your child will likely want to do that anyway. Wear her and cook and nurse if you have to.

We nursed before I left. We nursed right after I got home. Even with a lower supply, I was astounded at how full my breasts got. I had a big nurser. She also nursed a lot at night, so I was not concerned about the amount of nutrition or milk that she got.

One other tip - I cook double on the nights when I am home so that I have a freezer meal for the days I work. This minimizes dinner prep so that I can spend more time with dd when I get home. It's really tough feeling torn between making food and connecting with your LO.

Good luck!

[starling&diesel]

Originally Posted by widemouthedfrog

It's really tough feeling torn between making food and connecting with your LO.

Good luck!

Thank you so much, Tricia ... you packed that post with great advice and reassurance. The one thing I don't have to worry about is making meals ... my DP is a chef and she cooks for us at home too.
I really appreciated hearing your experience with maintaining your BF relationship. We worked so hard to establish a good one (LA, supplements, medication, donor milk) that I want to keep it going as long as we can.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

I went back to work PT when my babies were much younger than yours -- in fact DD was only 5 weeks old when I went back. I wasn't gone as long during the day, but was gone about 9 hours on the days when I worked. Babies do absolutely adapt to new routines and different routines on different days.

I stopped pumping at about a year, but still nursed DD until she was 3. By the time she was 1 she would drink regular milk from a cup or a bottle, but only if I wasn't anywhere in the house. If I was around, she wanted me and nothing else. So you might be surprised what she will do when you aren't around for several hours. I would definitely have a cup and bottle available as you transition so she can choose what she wants.

Even when I travelled for a couple of days (rarely, thankfully) I still didn't pump and my supply was OK when I got back, so I was able to continue nursing as long as I wanted.

Be prepared to nurse as soon as you come home (literally, like walk in, pick up baby and head to nursing spot). I quickly learned that even stopping to pee resulted in very unhappy toddler and wasn't worth it (so I went before I got home, sometimes literally stopping at the gas station so I was good to go when I walked in).

[~pi]

mama. FWIW, my DS started daycare at a year. I never pumped and DS never took a bottle. He nursed when with me, and when away from me he ate solids, drank water, and eventually, cow's milk. I'm still nursing him now at age three and a half.

I didn't have truly low supply, so take this for what it's worth, but it wasn't a problem for my supply at all. He reverse-cycled quite a bit, and that was that. My days were not as long as yours, but I did have one day that started at 4 am and ended at 9 pm. It was OK, but if I had had a pump available, I would have used it. It's the only time I was ever the least bit engorged, and it was a little uncomfortable.

My advice: Be prepared for it to be hard at first. The disadvantage of the one year mat leave is that it makes for a tougher transition to child care than you have with much younger babies. And sometimes, it takes longer for a child to adjust to a part-time schedule. If you can have routines (not necessarily a set schedule, but something that gives her a bit of a heads up for what to expect that day, even if it's just talking to her every night about what's going to happen the next day) it might help. And I second pps who suggested making sure to nurse her before you leave for the day.

Good luck! It might suck at first, but it will get better!

[mum2row]

I stopped pumping when dd was one and we were able to continue bf until 2. I was in an RN program at the time so occassionaly I had long days too. Basically my dd just increased her solids and started drinking homo milk when I wasn't home. I did nurse before leaving and as soon as we walked in the door or when she first saw me. Kids can be amazingly adaptable.

I was an EMT before so I understand not wanting to pump at work.

Good luck, it sounds like you have great supprt.

[widemouthedfrog]

Originally Posted by starling&diesel

I really appreciated hearing your experience with maintaining your BF relationship. We worked so hard to establish a good one (LA, supplements, medication, donor milk) that I want to keep it going as long as we can.

I understand. One thing I mentioned to another mom with lowish supply was that as your child begins to eat solids and milk becomes a little less prominent, if you can continue nursing, that's wonderful. Eventually, your LO won't need as much milk to maintain weight, and it will be all about the closeness, with nutrition being a great add-on. I found nursing a baby under 6 months to be quite stressful due to supply. Nursing a toddler and preschooler can be challenging, but there's not that stress to be the sole source of nutrition (usually). It's a great tool for connection.

[starling&diesel]

We were going to have a practice day today while I took my CPR upgrade course, but it was cancelled. I've rescheduled it for the end of the month. I was looking forward to today though, so we could see where the big challenges are. She would've been home with DP. We have another practice day coming up on the 20th. I'm going to go ride-along with some colleagues so that I can refresh my skills and get reacquainted with the paperwork and protocols. 62 weeks away from work is a looooooong time!
I'll be gone from the house from 1pm-9pm or so, and can come home if absolutely necessary. We'll see how it goes!
I'm very anxious about it, but am confident that DD will be in good hands with DP, her grandma and my sister.

[Megan73]

You've got some great advice here.
I don't mean to sound glib but in my experience – despite all my worry – going back to work when DS was 1 was FINE. I realized after a few weeks that I really liked my job and that balancing working and mothering is hard but doable with a supportive partner and family.
Just don't judge it by the first few weeks. It will take everyone some time to get into a groove but it WILL happen.
We have the same supply issues and DS was also nursing about 5X a day when I went back to work. Luckily, I respond OK to the pump and can nip into a bathroom once a day but I really think you'll be OK. My LO only gets to nurse morning and night but he's more interested in the boob than ever!
I think you're absolutely right to wake her to nurse before you go – that nursing session in bed is the highlight of my day and really helps me feel connected to my little guy.
Good luck, Starling.

[starling&diesel]

Thanks for chiming in, Megan73 ... it's so great to get reassurance from someone who has been through it, and with a similar BF story! I am thinking about getting a manual pump and seeing if I can pump between ambulance calls. Never mind what the guys think of how much time I spend in the bathroom, coming out when the call comes in, hurriedly buttoning up my shirt!

[Megan73]

Originally Posted by starling&diesel

Thanks for chiming in, Megan73 ... it's so great to get reassurance from someone who has been through it, and with a similar BF story! I am thinking about getting a manual pump and seeing if I can pump between ambulance calls. Never mind what the guys think of how much time I spend in the bathroom, coming out when the call comes in, hurriedly buttoning up my shirt!

I can't imagine what people think I'm doing in the bathroom! But I work in the court system and other people are doing MUCH weirder things in there.
I've never tried a manual but wouldn't an electric be faster because you can do both breasts at once? I can get mine off and back in the bag in a flash by now if I get paged into court.

[starling&diesel]

I thought I could just have the manual one tucked in my bag and pull it out in the loo and give it a squeeze every chance I get. Can you get electric ones that take batteries?

[Vegan Princess]

Hey Starling,

My electric pump from medela (pump in style) has a place to attach a battery pack (sold separately of course). I bought an isis manual pump and could never get more than a couple drops from it? Maybe you will have good luck with it though since you don't do well with most electric pumps. I def think you should pump at least 1x/day if you can swing 5-10 minutes to help keep your supply up, even if you don't get much to give your babe.

Cindy

[~pi]

Originally Posted by starling&diesel

Can you get electric ones that take batteries?

Yes.

I have not tried it, but have heard amazing things about the Medela Swing.