moms of more than one - bedtime routine with #1?

[snoopy5386]

I'm due with #2 in mid-April and wondering what to do about DD1's bedtime routine. She had a very hard transition going from her crib to her big girl bed in November and now our routine consists of me lying down with her until she falls asleep. When she was in her crib we had a long bedtime routine, but it never involved DH or I being in her room for more than 5-10 mins at a time and she would go to sleep on her own awake.
Now I don't mind laying down with her, I quite enjoy it in fact, but it can take a long time, at best 15 mins at worst 45 mins. She will let me leave if she is still awake after I've been laying with her for 30+ mins, but she fights it and there are usually tears involved. She will also let DH lay down with her if I'm not home and on the super rare occasion when I am, but she highly prefers me and there are usually tears with him.
I know with #2 coming along there will be many nights when I won't have 30 mins to lay with her - newborn crying and all, so what she would start working on now?
Alternating with DH?
Have him take over every night?
switch off with him?
other ideas?
Just wondering what other BTDT moms have done....

[octobermom]

My first will be 7.5 years when our second is born in MArch her bedtime pretty much consists of me going. C bedtime come get a kiss and go lay down. but obviously thats because she is older and thats just where we are...
Is there a reason why you wont be able to have the newborn with you as you establish a bedtime rountinue with her? Baby at the breast you reading to #1 ect while it migth not be an every day reality I'd assume thee would be away to make it a calming time for all involved maybe even a nice way to start preparing the newborn into a nice bed "rountinue". What about daddy is he around to help?


Deanna

[pianojazzgirl]

My situation was a bit different in that when my ds was born dd no longer needed me to lay down with her in order for her to fall asleep. But she did still have her bedtime routine (bath, tooth brushing, pjs, story, etc), and I was the one to do it since dh almost always works nights. I always had ds with me, usually nursing, but often crying his eyes out (he cried most of the time in the first few months). It was very hard, and I have to admit that dd got a bit short changed with story time. I just did the best I could at keeping him quiet and happy long enough to read her a story. It felt like one of those "just surviving" kind of parenting scenarios where all I could do was the best I could do.

In your case my first instinct would be to work more on having your dh do her bedtime, starting ASAP. 2 parents, 2 kids - work it if you got it!

[snoopy5386]

DH is around for bedtime and I anticipate no problems with being around for storytime, teeth brushing, etc. He already handles baths so no problem there. It is the 30 mins of laying with her in the dark after all the routine stuff that I am worried about. I know DH can and will handle the newborn during this time, but when a baby wants mommy and boobie, only mommy and boobie will do, ykwim? And nursing the babe while laying with DD really won't work, it is hard enough for me to sneak out of bed now without waking her - she is on the side of the bed with the bedrail, I lay on the side near the wall, it is gymnastics to get out, I certainly can't do it with a baby.
I think we'll work on alternating more.

[maya's mommy]

My girls are just over 3 years apart. Here is what we did. I would nurse dd2 while dh read to dd1. Then he would take dd2 while I tried to get dd1 to sleep. If during that time dd2 needed me dh would come upstairs and try to get her to sleep. There were nights when she would cry and cry before getting to sleep. This lasted for about a month, until she stopped nursing and then it switched and only dh could get dd1 to sleep. This was great, unless dh wasn't home and then I had some rough nights with both girls. Can you start transitioning from laying down with dd to either sitting on the bed or sitting in the room?

[MamaMelis]

I would start working hard now to transition DD1 to a bedtime routine that will work better once the new baby arrives. Its likely that with the addition of a new baby those 30 minute nights might get even longer as she is aware of all of the change in the house and more loathe to fall asleep/miss things/lose your presence next to her. My kids are a lot closer, but that sort of time commitment would have been very hard for us with a newborn, especially if quiet/sneaking out of bed was required and bringing the baby into bed with us was not possible. Nighttime was when my DC#2 was frequently fussiest/cluster feeding etc, so an efficient bedtime for DC#1 was a requirement for us. (my husband also travels a good bit, so I had to be able to meet both kids needs at the same time on a fairly regular basis)

I would say that if you can get her used to Daddy putting her to bed, or by April have her more streamlined/independent (i.e laying to read one or two books then leaving the room) you will have a much easier go of it once the new baby arrives.

Good luck and congrats on your coming babe!

[Softmama]

I had a similar situation and put dh in charge of all bedtime routine right up until the 30 min laying in bed part. Then I transitioned ds#1 to me sitting next to the bed holding his hand instead of laying with him. This made it easier for dh to bring a fussy baby to me to nurse and for me to hand the baby back off to dh. eventually we transitioned to dh fully taking care of getting ds#1 down. It was a lot of work. but very worth it. good luck!

[Alyantavid]

My son was 4 when his little brother was born, so the bedtime routine was pretty well established. Ds2 always needed to nurse right at ds1's bedtime. So either dh did bedtime with ds1 and I came in later, or the three of us would cuddle up in ds1's bed until he was settled.

[elmh23]

We worked on dh being the one to lay down with her. We started a couple months before the baby was due and by January (baby was due in February), she was fine with dh being there in the night. The only hard times we actually had from that point on were when dh would have been out of town for a couple nights and then had come back.

She was 27 months when her brother was born.