you have such a good baby.... - Page 3

[annekh23]

Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife

not to be a downer, but my easy babies have turned into very challenging toddlers.

That's been my experience too, so whilst I am finding this one demanding at the back of my mind I'm rejoicing she's not like DD1!

[annekh23]

Originally Posted by emma00

After reading all the replies - I went back and re-read the OP first post and I don't really think she is saying that by

"- recognizing needs
- responding to needs
- feeding
- changing"

she is globally responsible for her baby's disposition. Or that by being a SAHM she is responsible for her baby's disposition.

What I understood her to be saying was that IN church she had put a lot of effort into getting her baby ready to be 'good' by making sure she was changed; fed etc and that she felt that her efforts / work that went into preparing her baby as well as focussing her attention on the baby during the service to keep the baby happy were being written off by the various observers who credited it all to a "good baby", without taking into account what she had done to ensure that her baby cooperated during the service.

When the OP said: "I think it's more a case of having her needs recognised and responded to, though she does have a sunny personality."

I understood her to mean that her baby wasn't 'good' in church just because she is so sunny and happy, but also because OP put some work into it. Obviously her baby's personality and disposition come into play, but I'm guessing if she had ignored her baby's needs during the service her baby wouldn't have appeared so 'good.'

OP - enjoy your lovely baby and try to take others comments as they are likely intended: a pretty common way for people to try and connect with / compliment someone with a baby.

Thank you for summing it up so well, I was beginning to feel rather got at!

I never said I had an easy baby, at least not this time around. With my first I couldn't have kept him in church at this age, regardless of what I did. With my 2nd I could have done so with minimal work, literally feeding on demand and changing as necessary, she was so unbelieveable easy that I wouldn't have even needed to provide a toy, to the extent that she was in danger of getting under stimulated and not actually ever complaining about it.

Nor did I say she was like this because I'm a SAHM who doesn't use daycare, that was merely the explaination for her presence in church, I've chosen this winter to keep her out of daycare settings and I'm glad that with hard work I can keep her in church.

I'm not asking for praise for this, just acceptance that I'm not keeping her with me just because of how she is, it would have been an awful lot easier for me to have gone out, found a corner, got out the blanket and toys and played with her for an hour and not concentrated on the sermon. The words might have used good, but the general feeling seemed to express just luck, which wasn't very encouraging at that moment in time.

[JillyD]

I get the "good baby" comments all the time with DS. And, I got the "wow, she is hard" all the time with my daughter. They are parented similarly - their dispositions are totally different. I guess I would say that DS is perhaps a bit "easier" than DD was but really they are not all that different when it comes to getting their needs met. They both let you know - he does it quietly while she was vocal about it.

The whole "good baby" thing is totally annoying to me...i get so sick of those comments. Of course he is good...aren't all babies inherently good? COME ON!!! I know what people mean but still, it's annoying. I really dislike the whole "easy baby, hard baby" comparison too. ugh.

When DD was small, I used to say, "no, she really isn't all that hard. the hardest thing for me is dealing with the negative impact of other people's preceptions of her temperment." - and that was quite true!

[Talula Fairie]

While I think that recognizing and responding to their needs is important to a baby's emotional development; I think it's a huge -HUGE- misnomer that if you just do everything right your baby will be "easy." Further, it almost insinuates that everyone with a challenging child did something wrong. You should also be aware that an easy baby can turn into a very challenging toddler.

I have three children. My first was a very high needs baby, extremely challenging toddler, and has settled into being a fairly "easy" 5 year old, but she's still pretty high-maintenance. My second was a super easy baby and toddler, very laid back personality. My third baby is the highest needs of them all. They're all different. They come with their own personalities. Not every aspect of which is dictated by your parenting.

Oh, and I responded to all the needs of my first child, and she was a monster in church. So I don't think that has anything to do with it. HTH.

[April Dawn]

Originally Posted by mariekitt24

I know how you feel! I get that all the time. I might make some people mad by admitting this but I really do believe the difference between my happy baby and someone elses not so happy baby is at least in part parenting. I have this forum to thank for my knowledge though.. without mothering.com My husband and I would have very different approaches to parenting, and I know my baby would not be as well off. I know it goes against social correctness to admit, but I really do feel like if other mothers knew what I knew, their babies would be happier too. Just to be totally honest.

Wow. Try not to judge so quickly. There are a lot of mothers here who "know what you know" and whose babies are still high needs. Sometimes it's due to the baby's personality. Sometimes the baby has medical conditions that make him or her fussy. All parents can do is their best.

[pumpkinhead]

Originally Posted by mariekitt24

I know how you feel! I get that all the time. I might make some people mad by admitting this but I really do believe the difference between my happy baby and someone elses not so happy baby is at least in part parenting. I have this forum to thank for my knowledge though.. without mothering.com My husband and I would have very different approaches to parenting, and I know my baby would not be as well off. I know it goes against social correctness to admit, but I really do feel like if other mothers knew what I knew, their babies would be happier too. Just to be totally honest.

Re the bold: I couldn't disagree more. I've had two babies whom I've parented in very much the same way and if you'd met me before my second was 8 months old, you'd probably have found him a very unhappy baby a good portion of the time. Painful acid reflux and laryngomylasia (sp?) will do that to a body but they're not conditions that are evident from a child's outward appearance. Sometimes it has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with parenting.