s/o daily social interaction

[jlpumkin]

Other parents have mentioned that their children seem to need daily interaction with the same children to really become confident. I have really struggled with our social aspect and I think this is it. My little takes a long time to trust and come out of her shell.. once she does look out. But it takes a lot of interaction almost daily with the same kids. Which is very difficult to do in a homeschool environment. I have some ideas on how I can try some new tactics but am wondering how others have overcome this hurdle.. and still met their schooling needs as well. greatly appreciated!

[pigpokey]

You could enroll her in an afterschool program in an area of her interest, or general afterschool like what might be offered by your rec center. Sometimes private schools will enroll non-students in their aftercare.

If you have a year-round swim team, they will probably offer 4+ days of practice a week.

You could take advantage of day camps and other programs next summer to build some friendships and then just keep up with them less frequently during the rest of the year?

[meetoo]

I think making playdates with one other child at a time would be the best way. Classes don't always offer the best chance to socialize.

[jlpumkin]

We do classes and while I think they are great for getting her comfortable in groups of kids, they aren't what I count as social time. With ballet, girl scouts & CCD I think she's getting plenty of structured time, but not as many friends as I would have hoped.

We have definitely added more playdates with friends, which seems to be difficult right now. One thing that I'm trying to do increasingly is make contacts outside of hsers. We only have maybe 3 girls in our hsing community. Luckily my dd seems to connect with each of them.. which seems like plenty but with conflicting schedules it's a bit difficult to always work something out.

[zeldamomma]

This is your 4 y.o., right?

Is she unhappy? If she's unhappy, then certainly seek out more consistent social activities. But if she's not unhappy, I wouldn't worry about it. 4 is little, and she will almost certainly become more confident as she matures. Some kids need more mom-time than others.

I am shy, and found it exhausting and stressful to meet new people when I was little. I like my "shell" and as an adult I choose to come out of it on my own terms. Extroverts often seem to see this as a personality defect (I think it makes them uncomfortable?) but it's really a personality trait. I'm not rude, I'm just not going to act like your best friend when I just met you, unless we REALLY hit it off.

ZM

[mommy68]

This has been hard for our oldest child (now 14). Our DD, age 7 can go out and meet people pretty easy. She can make a friend at the McDonald's playplace. But I did enroll my DD in a local private school for art this year just because she is so social. She goes one day a week and is involved with the 2nd grade classrom at this school. It gives her a chance to mingle with other 7/8 year olds. My oldest child really doesn't seem to care about mingling with kids his own age and has a couple of really good friends his age and feels that is enough. He does just fine socializing with people of all ages though.

[kathymuggle]

My youngest, who just turned 7, lacks friends. Until recently I have been blaming (for lack of a better word) this lack of friends on her being young. Kids are not old enough to just wander over, as her siblings friends are.

I am going to make a concerted effort to invite kids over once it warms up a bit.

She went to camp last summer and enjoyed it - I may put her in 2 weeks this summer instead of one...it may give friendships even more of a chance to solidify.

I admit to myself that school might solve the socialising issue - but at quite a cost, IMHO. Maybe life isn't perfect and we have to work with the bad of HSing along with embracing the good? As long as the pros for HSing outweigh the negative, then keep plugging along....

[Callimom]

For us it was consistency, rather than just quantity that made a difference.
I started a 10 family weekly enrichment co-op that has been meeting now for 3 years and these kids have become my kids social "base". Now when we go to other events there are kids there that my kids know or that their friends know and it (most often) makes for a smooth entrance into play. We do other activities with these kids/families outside our Friday co-op. It's been a really good thing for our family.
hth
Karen

[jlpumkin]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

I admit to myself that school might solve the socialising issue - but at quite a cost, IMHO. Maybe life isn't perfect and we have to work with the bad of HSing along with embracing the good? As long as the pros for HSing outweigh the negative, then keep plugging along....

This is where we are at too...

I'm referencing my 7 yo. (Which I probably added confusion mentioning my "little". Sorry about that. Little for me is short for little people which is what I normally call my children.) She's a wonderful little girl. But a very different personality than me. she loves to be around other kids & is a very outgoing girl once she gets comfortable. but that can take months. When she was in school she literally took until Christmas break to even speak to her teacher. Which is very much my husbands personality. It's just so hard for her to come out of her shell. Honestly school was overwhelming for her... but once she became comfortable she blossomed. I guess I was hoping for that at home... but with the less frequent interaction it just isn't happening as fast as I would like... ugh, one more thing that isn't specifically on my schedule ... when will I ever learn

[jlpumkin]

Originally Posted by Karenwith4

For us it was consistency, rather than just quantity that made a difference.
I started a 10 family weekly enrichment co-op that has been meeting now for 3 years and these kids have become my kids social "base". Now when we go to other events there are kids there that my kids know or that their friends know and it (most often) makes for a smooth entrance into play. We do other activities with these kids/families outside our Friday co-op. It's been a really good thing for our family.
hth
Karen

I think this is a big factor I've been missing. I've been dabbling in 3 groups to provide the most opportunity. At this point it would probably be best to pick the best fit for us and committ whole heartedly.

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by jlpumkin

Other parents have mentioned that their children seem to need daily interaction with the same children to really become confident.

I haven't found this to be the case at all! Both DD2 and DS were/are quite happy if they get together with peers 1-3 times a week during a typical homeschooling week. DD1 and DD2 got lonely and bored when the HS meetings became less frequent than that. Both DD2 and DS found the social environment in school to be a source of stress.

DD2 (now 13) is back in school and I worried about how she'd do in a school setting. She's doing beautifully and enjoying the chance to see friends daily, but she's still quite content to have quieter time during school vacations. I suspect that the daily socialization is still stressful for her, but she's now mature enough to handle it and even enjoy it. Besides, the social needs of teenagers are different from the social needs of younger children.

I'm trying to understand exactly why you're dissatisfied. Is your child unhappy, or are you feeling some kind of outside pressure about "what her circle of friends is supposed to look like"?

[Savoir Faire]

My daughter is the same way. But...daily social interaction would be almost impossible for us. She's in a homeschool group through a local church that meets once a week.

She sees the same girls every week and it has really worked. I'd say it took a couple of weeks, but now that she's used to seeing the same faces, she has even started initiating conversations with them.

[jlpumkin]

Ruthla, I think you have a great situation which is working for you =) Hopefully we'll find one that works for us too!

Let me just say that I'm not in as much dissatisfied, as I am sad for my lonely little girl. I think that unless you have a similar child you just might not be able to understand.

[jlpumkin]

Originally Posted by Savoir Faire

My daughter is the same way. But...daily social interaction would be almost impossible for us. She's in a homeschool group through a local church that meets once a week.

She sees the same girls every week and it has really worked. I'd say it took a couple of weeks, but now that she's used to seeing the same faces, she has even started initiating conversations with them.

I pray for the day she has the courage to start initiating conversations again!! I think this falls right in line with an earlier comment to focus more on consistancy of group instead of quantity. I really think this is promising and where I'm going to shift my focus.

I'm very hopeful & appreciate everyone's input!