My 9-month old will not sleep. HELP!!

[nonsenseprecious]

I am desperate for advice.

We have a lovely, smiley, affectionate, healthy 9-month old son who in the last week has decided that sleep is a total waste of time. He's never slept through the night on any kind of consistent basis, but we had been in a nurse-once-a-night pattern for quite a while.

He recently outgrew his co-sleeper bed, so we've moved him into his crib. For the past several months, he's been napping and playing in the crib, and even spending the occasional night in there, so we've tried to make it a comfortable and pleasant place for him, and he seemed to enjoy it overall. The first two nights in his crib were fine. The first night he slept from 10 PM to 7 AM, and the second night he woke once around 3, ate, and then slept till morning.

Suddenly it became a total nightmare. He won't stay asleep for more than about 30 minutes, won't nap, won't sleep anywhere else, and is so cranky from the lack of sleep that days are pretty terrible, too. (He doesn't like to be held for long because he's so squirmy and curious to explore, but screams the second you put him down. Before, he enjoyed playing on the floor or in his crib.) We have tried putting him back in our room in a Pack & Play, but he hated it and none of us got any sleep. Co-sleeping in our bed all night isn't an option for us.

We're not huge fans of crying it out, just because it never seems to work for him. I hate listening to him cry, but if I thought Ferber would work for him, I'd do it. (He will cry for hours. He has a lot of stamina and is very stubborn!) I tried getting him to nap in a sling, since this worked well when he was tiny, but he's too fidgety and kept trying to climb out of it.

I am at the end of my rope. I am also very newly pregnant, so that is making me extra tired and feeling unwell, and I am quickly losing my ability to cope, since it's become impossible for me to do anything (work, clean, eat, get dressed) during the day except hold a fussy baby (he's dying to get his hands on my keyboard as I type this). Last night I cried right along with him.

Does anyone have any ideas about what would help? I feel so overwhelmed and so hopeless about this situation. I am willing to try any method or read any books. I just need some recommendations!

Thanks!

[writteninkursive]

Is he your first baby?

Check for teeth. Is he teething? Teething babies, when their teeth are coming in, the increased blood flow when they lay down causes them lots of pain. Infant Tylenol, Baby Orajel, or some kind of holistic pain relief (I'm not sure what works, but I'm sure some other mamas on here know) does the trick, or at least makes it more bearable until the tooth breaks through.

Also, is he having a growth spurt? Every time one of my babies has had a major growth spurt, they need to eat like double their normal amount. They turn into little cows overnight. In which case, giving him more breastmilk/formula or rice cereal will help him feel more full just before bedtime.

[nonsenseprecious]

Thank you! He has six teeth, and has been showing signs of getting another one, though we're not sure where. (No signs of it yet; he's just been acting "teethy" at times.) We've been trying the Hyland's teething tablets and even occasional Tylenol and baby ibuprofen at night, just in the off-chance that it would work. No luck yet.

I wondered about a growth spurt. It seems like I read or heard that they sometimes don't sleep all that much right before one. We have been feeding/nursing extra before bed (again, just in case), and sometimes he's interested, but sometimes not. I will definitely keep this in mind.

He is our first. We're nuts about him, and he's a bright and awesome baby, but we're having a hard time right now. We tried a very soft version of cry-it-out a few nights (checking/patting/reassuring every few minutes), but it actually seemed to make him angrier and even more frustrated, and also sort of clingy and whiny during the day (he usually isn't like this at all).

Thank you again for the reply. I really appreciate this!

[writteninkursive]

It's realllly hard to relax and go with the baby-not-sleeping-flow when it's your first. I remember with my first, and I was a wreck if she was a wreck. It gets easier with subsequent children, just so you know! You'll learn to relax about things more, because you have to, lol.

Yeah, I don't recommend the CIO method. Just seems to make them more angry and then they're blobs of drippy, sniffly, hiccuping baby disasters.

One thing that works for mine, and it's definitely questionable (because DF is incapable of doing it), is I hold the baby, take really deep breaths, and don't let myself be stressed at all. Let all the stress out of your body and don't think about the baby not sleeping or get high strung about it. It's like they can sense any bit of concern you have and feed off of it. May sound crazy, but I use it and it works! If DS is not going to sleep when he needs to, I put him in his Pack-N-Play (which is where he sleeps when we are still awake - since we're night owls and don't go to bed until 2am usually), put a bottle in his mouth, turn on his mobile, and walk away. If I hover around, worrying, he always gets all squirmy and upset again. If I just think nothing of it and go do something else, he usually falls right to sleep. My son needs noise and dark to sleep. My oldest daughter needs silence and light. My middle daughter needs noise and dark. They're all different.

Just try to relax and don't let it become a bigger problem than it is. Maybe try giving him baths before bed too, to calm him down. Some babies hate baths though, so only do that if he likes it.

Good luck to you Mama!

[jillmamma]

Originally Posted by writteninkursive

Is he your first baby?

Check for teeth. Is he teething? Teething babies, when their teeth are coming in, the increased blood flow when they lay down causes them lots of pain. Infant Tylenol, Baby Orajel, or some kind of holistic pain relief (I'm not sure what works, but I'm sure some other mamas on here know) does the trick, or at least makes it more bearable until the tooth breaks through.

Also, is he having a growth spurt? Every time one of my babies has had a major growth spurt, they need to eat like double their normal amount. They turn into little cows overnight. In which case, giving him more breastmilk/formula or rice cereal will help him feel more full just before bedtime.

This was exactly my first thought too. If not either of these, have you considered moving the crib to your room? Perhaps taking the side off to side car it so it can be like cosleeping but still have his own space? I think some little ones may start showing signs of separation anxiety at that age too, and maybe he would be okay if he just knew you were close by, but that way you could still get him used to the crib. Or if it is separation anxiety, maybe cuddling/wearing him more during the day would help? (like if you have been pretty busy lately during the day, maybe he is trying to get some attention and mama time at night?)

I also agree with starting a bedtime routine (bath, books, nurse/bottle, etc...whatever works for you). I know my kiddos did (and still do) better when they knew what to expect.

I hope you all get better sleep soon!

[nonsenseprecious]

Originally Posted by writteninkursive

It's realllly hard to relax and go with the baby-not-sleeping-flow when it's your first. I remember with my first, and I was a wreck if she was a wreck. It gets easier with subsequent children, just so you know! You'll learn to relax about things more, because you have to, lol.

Yeah, I don't recommend the CIO method. Just seems to make them more angry and then they're blobs of drippy, sniffly, hiccuping baby disasters.

One thing that works for mine, and it's definitely questionable (because DF is incapable of doing it), is I hold the baby, take really deep breaths, and don't let myself be stressed at all. Let all the stress out of your body and don't think about the baby not sleeping or get high strung about it. It's like they can sense any bit of concern you have and feed off of it. May sound crazy, but I use it and it works! If DS is not going to sleep when he needs to, I put him in his Pack-N-Play (which is where he sleeps when we are still awake - since we're night owls and don't go to bed until 2am usually), put a bottle in his mouth, turn on his mobile, and walk away. If I hover around, worrying, he always gets all squirmy and upset again. If I just think nothing of it and go do something else, he usually falls right to sleep. My son needs noise and dark to sleep. My oldest daughter needs silence and light. My middle daughter needs noise and dark. They're all different.

Just try to relax and don't let it become a bigger problem than it is. Maybe try giving him baths before bed too, to calm him down. Some babies hate baths though, so only do that if he likes it.

Good luck to you Mama!

This doesn't sound crazy AT ALL! I feel pretty confident that he's reacting to my stress level (and the fact that I am also a sniffling, hiccuping disaster after he's been crying all night) and feeding off of it, and that this is making things worse. I am going to try this tonight.

And thank you for saying that this gets easier after the first; that is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. My pediatrician tells me to let him cry it out, and I sort of got raked over the coals by two other mothers at a New Year's Eve party, one of whom has a baby who has woken up three nights since she was born eleven months ago, and blamed my son's wakefulness on co-sleeping. She told me that she was "so glad" that they hadn't done "that." The other mother just told me to wear earplugs and turn off the baby monitor.
So you see, your kindness is really appreciated! THANK YOU!!

[lotus.blossom]

I've been dealing with that with my 8 month old and just read this blog post that sort of explains whats going on. I know while you are in the middle of it, it feels horrible know (from someone who as BDTD) that it does pass. Its nothing you can really DO just wait it out and things will change on their own. I promise!

As for those mamas in your life who do cry it out, or turn off the baby monitor. Heaven forbid their babes have something WRONG. How would they know? When I hear that it makes me squirm. Theres so many many reasons why infants/toddlers cry. Tell them that you are a 24 hour parent. Just because its dark out doesn't mean you are off duty.

[_betsy_]

Sleep regression. Classic.

Be thankful for the nights he slept through. They'll come again, when he's ready. For now, just do what you can to make the nights as restful for both of you. This too shall pass. Usually about 2 weeks. Then things will calm down. It won't be the same as before, but it'll be a new normal. Expect a huge leap in some way - either a big growth explosion, speech explosion or new mobility capabilities.

This from the mom of 2 who both hate sleep. One STTN for the very first time at 17.5 months old - seriously, the first time she slept more than 4 hours in a stretch was at 17.5 months old, and then she basically started sleeping through all at once. DD2 is a year old and has never STTN. It'll happen when she's ready. I love to sleep, they don't. I can't MAKE them sleep. I can ignore their needs, but why would I do that in the middle of the night when I would never do that during the day?

[TiredX2]

Moved to "The Family Bed & Nighttime Parenting"

[gbutterflykissesm]

My 7.5 month old is starting to "regress" in his sleeping too. He was waking up once or twice a night for 2 months or so, and now is back to waking every hour after 2AM. He is showing some signs of starting to have separation anxiety while he's awake, and I wonder if that's what it is.

He normally goes right to sleep after nursing when I put him to bed at night, and last night he cried, and settled down right away when I went back in the room and just put my hand on his back...

The nights are the hardest part. I would give birth drug free every day if I could sleep through the night So I know how you feel. I just try to revel in the early morning snuggling and tell myself this won't last forever. I have found that it doesn't really matter WHY it's happening... Every time his sleeping patterns go haywire, they tend to get better all on their own for unexplained reasons every time.

[wrenb]

Oh my goodness. I cannot tell you what a relief it was to read this thread. I've been searching the internet high and low for a hint at what's going on with my 8 1/2 month old son. "Classic sleep regression"? I can wait that out.

Thank you thank you thank you. And to the OP, I hope things are getting better!