What do you do when your child hits younger sibling?!!

[J2]

What do you do when your child hits/pushes/kicks a younger sibling? My 3.5 y/o is doing this to my 15month old. Only sometimes. It has actually gotten SO much better in the past few weeks. But when it does happen and is completely unprovoked, it can make me SO angry!

Earlier he just totally kicked her over really hard while she was sitting. I was quite angry about it and then did not act appropriately myself.

[pbjmama]

I have 2 approaches - if I can tell I'm on the verge of loosing it I will send the offending child to their room for a minute while I take care of the one who was hit/kicked, etc. Otherwise I loose it and end up yelling. Then attend to offender and ask for apology/gentle touch. If it was provoked I will suggest alternative method and again emphasize that hitting is not okay.

If I'm able to control myself I will use a firm voice to say NO hitting, hitting hurts or similar. Ask child if she is okay and console. Show offender where the child is hurt and say you need to say you are sorry or give a gentle touch.

I've found that younger children learn quickly that the older child gets in trouble if are hurt and sometimes play that as an advantage. I've caught my younger dd doing this a few times.

[Rosehip]

Originally Posted by pbjmama

I have 2 approaches - if I can tell I'm on the verge of loosing it I will send the offending child to their room for a minute while I take care of the one who was hit/kicked, etc. Otherwise I loose it and end up yelling. Then attend to offender and ask for apology/gentle touch. If it was provoked I will suggest alternative method and again emphasize that hitting is not okay.

If I'm able to control myself I will use a firm voice to say NO hitting, hitting hurts or similar. Ask child if she is okay and console. Show offender where the child is hurt and say you need to say you are sorry or give a gentle touch.

Pretty much this. I also take into account HOW egregious it was. If they're rough housing, or both are kind of tussling, then I go easier. If it was truly unprovoked (older child just looking for some excitement), it's off to her room until she's "ready to behave nicely." For whatever reason, this works very well. She kicks up a fuss, but then quickly comes back down contrite & with an apology. Rarely, I will do a time out.

Oh, if a "weapon" was used (a toy), I immediately take the toy away.

[Surfacing]

I used to be good about keeping an eye on them so it wouldn't escalate but haven't done that as much lately. I realized that actually the younger one instigated and initiated hitting and the older one would freak out and react more harshly. Forced apologies don't work so well here -- so I comfort the crying child and kind of speak for big sister by saying Sorry. I tell the younger one that she may not pinch or hit the older one (as if my 2 y.o listens ) and tell the older one I understand she's upset but we have to try to work through our problems without hitting.

Then I try to understand what the problem is -- dd1 wants to colour by herself but dd2 comes and grabs things from her. Then I used to set up both kids with stuff so they don't bug each other. That seemed to work really well when dd2 was a bit younger but I've slacked on that as of late.

Borrowing a page from Siblings Without Rivalry by Mazlich and Faber, I explain to dd1 that dd2 in not trying to hurt her by getting involved in her stuff, she finds dd1 fascinating and wants to be just like her/copy her/be with her, etc. That seems to help SOMEWHAT. Gotta haul out that book and refresh the parenting skills though as it's getting rougher these days. Good luck!

[J2]

See, I can handle it much more easily if it is a squabble over sharing, or whatever. But it isn't those times. I was right there with both kids. DS (almost 4) was standing next to me while I was sitting in a chair. DD (15mos) was sitting on the floor. All of a sudden, for no apparent reason, he just kicks her over. She falls over into a door. And it was my sudden instinctual (mama bear) reaction that came out...and was inappropriate.

Thankfully, he doesn't hit her nearly as much as he used to. It used to be a daily thing. It is so much better now though. But oh, when he does it and it just seems like it is for no reason (not that there ever is a right reason to harm another), it really gets to me. And I'm not sure what to do with him when he does that. It is not provoked at all.

Oy! Definitely glad this doesn't happen multiple times a day anymore though! Now its maybe once per week? Maybe even less? So I am grateful for that!!