Originally Posted by lorijds
She sounds totally normal. My oldest loves us, she's totally healthy and normal, but she's become quite a space cadet sometimes, and she does love her privacy, so much more than she used to. I think they just become sort of "internal" at that time, similar to a pregnant woman. So much going on physically, mentally, and emotionally--I think they just need a lot of down time, time to unwind, and they have so much internal dialogue going on that they don't notice as much what's going on around them.
A couple of things--
Don't ban the texting. It's like if your parents would have completely taken away the right to use a phone for you. My daughter rarely talks on the phone, she just texts. I think expecting them to do their communication via phone instead of text is similar to expecting us to go back to using snail mail instead of email. Ain't gonna happen, and is completely unrealistic. Instead, help her have some boundaries.
Our house has these two rules: No phone at the table, and all phones spend the night in the phone caddy (a basket on the kitchen counter). They get charged up, and no one is sending or receiving texts or calls during the night. Our rules apply to parents as well as kids, and it helps them learn some limits and boundaries without being punative. No phonecalls after 9pm for kids, and if one of their friends calls or texts, I answer, simply telling them, Hey, head's up kiddo, L can't take phone calls or texts after nine. I've only had to do it a couple of times and now all her friends know and respect this.
One way we get our girls (11 and 14) to talk is to have dinner together every night possible. When they were little, we had the "rule" that everyone had to say three things about their day, and everyone had to ask each person a question about their day. It sounds very structured, and it was in the beginning, but it helped the girls and us as well develop this great habit of inclusive dinnertime discussions. Every once in a while if someone is being quiet (or too talkative), one of us will say, "Hey, X, I haven't heard three things about your day today!" and it gets the ball rolling.
When they were little, it helped them develop their listening and conversation skills. It also taught them about our own lives outside of the home (ie, what mama and papa do at work). Now, it helps keep us parents informed of what's going on in their lives, what their interested in, what's not working, what they're reading, doing in school, etc. We also often invite their friends for dinner, and then we always say something like "Oh, and we have this three thing rule, you have to tell everyone three things about your day!" and it's a niceway ofgetting to know those kids.
All in all, your daughter sounds great. It's so hard for them to grow up, but I think she sounds like she is finding a good balance between home and school, and family and friends.
Keep up the communication and love!