To Wean or To Not...help guide me.

[yemango]

SO my DS will be 3 in a couple months. We've had a lovely bf-ing relationship - sure i've had my struggles but overall its been wonderful. i have "used" it to soothe him when i didnt want to deal, or wanted to veg on the iphone. stuff like that makes me feel a tad guilty - but overall its been a pretty healthy relationship. i night-weaned him successfully 3 months ago, and so now we nurse to sleep and after awaking both naps and overnight. and sometimes when hes bored.

ANYway...i have not really given it much thought, but thought i would let him decide when to stop, although its crossed my mind more lately to maybe wean him since my breasts are just feeling sore and beat-up (probably due to his movement and positioning).

but the BIG reason why i want to wean is that i feel completely off-balance and ive been wanting to do an intense cleanse since....he was in my life! i begun a cleanse the week before i found out i was pg. and stopped because it didnt feel right.

the long of it is that my skin is horrible (breakouts, eczema, beginnings of rosacea), i deal with fatigue, recovering from years of antibiotics, yeast overgrowth, etc. in the past year ive embarked on healthy eating plans which are nice, but i want to, and NEED to go deep into it to really feel like a new person. this leads to clarity in life, my relationship with my sons dad, and what i can give back to my son each day. its all connected.

but whats holding me back is those little moments in the dark, when ive been out all day and he is suckling and i realize how much i love him and how wonderful it is to be able to give him love in the form of milk.

i'm torn!

did you wean early and have regrets? or did you cut off for a personal reason and love it? or reverse? anything?

thanks in advance,
christine

[texmati]

I also nurse to veg out sometimes!

What kind of cleanse? why can you not bf through the cleanse?
Just a suggestion, (I'm not even sure if it's possible), could you pump and dump during the cleanse?

[zinemama]

I wouldn't call stopping after three years "weaning early."

It sounds like you are ready to be done for lots of reasons. A healthy, happy mama is the goal here, not a martyr. There are other ways to show your love for him than breastmilk.

[Pookietooth]

What about just doing a raw diet to slowly cleanse?

[Blessed_Mom]

Don't wean.

[Kailey's mom]

I don't see how doing a cleanse would "hurt" the breastmilk itself.. I mean, you might be on the toilet a lot, so that would limit nursing a bit Why not do the cleanse first.. than revisit the decision. You might feel differently after the cleanse JAT.

[tanyam926]

I also nurse my sons when I need a break and I want them to stop whining, or to distract them from something, I just consider it one tool in my mothering toolbox. I don't feel guilty about that at all.

IMO you should really examine your reasons, weigh the pros and cons, and then come to a decision that feels right for you and your son.

If you wean you will have to expend more effort to distract him from wanting to nurse. That's something to consider.

Also, as a mom who is nursing a 4 yr old for the second time, they do let up w/the nursing after 3, and some wean all on their own.

I understand about not wanting to do the cleanse while BF, however I think it would be okay since he is older, weighs more than an infant, is eating many other foods, and the volume of milk he takes ea day in relation to his body wt is much smaller than if he were younger. You might want to talk to someone more knowledgable and see if it would be okay.

What about cutting back on nursing and seeing how he does w/that and then making the decision? If he really resists you know he's not ready, but if he does well then he is at least nursing less and you can then see if he would be receptive to weaning.

I know how it is to just feel done w/everything though. I feel like that sometimes, but it encompasses everything, not just BF. Can you get some time to yourself to recharge or something? That always helps me. GL!

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by yemango

but whats holding me back is those little moments in the dark, when ive been out all day and he is suckling and i realize how much i love him and how wonderful it is to be able to give him love in the form of milk.

Wow, what an amazing description of nursing. Seriously, I am tearing up and my little one is 8 and long, long weaned.

did you wean early and have regrets? or did you cut off for a personal reason and love it? or reverse? anything?

I can only give my experience. I partially nightweaned DD when I was pregant with DS. I ended up feeling she weaned earlier (than she would have) because of that. It was very hard on me and very hard on her as well. With DS I was much closer to a true CLW and it was an amazing experience. Now, to be clear, it wasn't all light & roses, there were hard times & frustrating times & times I. was. just. done. But watching him wean himself was amazing, and even more amazing was seeing his pride when he realized that he didn't need or want to nurse anymore. He was done and so proud of himself. The sleepless nights, second guesses, pains & tribulations were honestly worth it for that one moment of surprise and pride on his face when he said that he was weaned.

Originally Posted by Kailey's mom

I don't see how doing a cleanse would "hurt" the breastmilk itself.. I mean, you might be on the toilet a lot, so that would limit nursing a bit Why not do the cleanse first.. than revisit the decision. You might feel differently after the cleanse JAT.

I think the concern is, much like loosing weight too quickly while bfeeding, what toxins you are releasing that might enter the milk supply. Is this correct?

OP, you've done a great job If you feel like you need to wean, I don't think you should spend any time feeling guilt or regret over it (for me, though, easy to say, much harder to do). First, though, I would encoruage you to do what I always encourage people to do when they are considering weaning. Make a list (literal or figurative) of the things that are really bothering you with the nursing and see 1) will they actually be solved with weaning and 2) are the trade-offs worth it *for you*. I would also encourage you to do some further research into the possible repercussions on a deep cleanse on DS. I find as LOT of bfeeding advice (when dealing with medicines, or dieting, or...) is assuming you are exclusively nursing a young infant. When it is instead ounces or occasional nips with a toddler or preschooler the concerns seem much less. For example, a lot of medications you really need to worry about with a newborn who is relying on bmilk 100% would effect a 30 lb child who is geting 90% of their nutrition from other sources MUCH MUCH less. You might end up deciding to cleanse AND to continue nursing. You might not. But there are a lot of choices between martrydom & full weaning.

Good luck

[Llyra]

I do think that three years is NOT "weaning early," and that if you decide that weaning is the right decision, you have nothing to feel badly about. But I also agree with the PP who pointed out that with a child of this age, who's not dependent on your milk for a main source of nutrition, released toxins are far less of an issue.

I weaned my twins what I WOULD call "early"-- 16 months. I don't have actual regrets about it-- I was very seriously ill, and I know my decision was the only possible one that I could have made. But I still, even now, feel terribly sad about it, all the nursing we missed, and all the times when I could see their NEED for nursing, and be unable to meet that need.

But I would say that a 3 year old is at an age where if you decide to wean, it's okay to do so without regrets. As they grow older, there are so many moments like this-- when you feel that sadness for what you're losing, seeing them grow away from you in little ways. It's natural to feel that sadness, but it's okay, too, to look forward to the next stage of your life together with your LO.