I can't be the only one...

[Friendlee]

I really hope SOMEONE can help me or at least explain what is going on with my daughter. I have a non-napper, but not for the typical reasons. It's not that I can't get her to sleep. She actually falls to sleep easily in my arms, or in her cosleeper, or in her crib, or in her cradle, or in her motorized swing or in her carseat. You get the idea.

The PROBLEM is that her sleep only lasts for an average of 10 minutes. She can't STAY asleep through her changing sleep stages and make it to REM.

We've tried these things:
-Tight swaddling
-Loose swaddling
-Pacifier
-Shushing
-Rocking
-Patting
-Soft music
-White noise
-Black-out shades
-"Wearing Down" (wearing in a sling until asleep and gently removing)
-Sleeping with her
-Carseat for naps
-Motorized swing
-Gently rocking cradle
-Warm bath before bedtime followed by Gripe Water and massage in a dim room
-Entering the room just before a change in sleep stage to pat through the transition to the next sleep stage
-Read these books: Baby Whisperer, No Cry Sleep Solution, Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy Child and Happiest Baby on the Block
-Wearing her during naps (but how does one shower/bend over to do any household duties, change clothes, etc.?)

She will only sleep for long periods of time (2 hours), if in my arms. I've taken that opportunity to observe her and write notes about the timing of her sleep stages - noting when she is in light sleep and transitioning to deep sleep or into REM. Using that info I've rocked her until she was in deep sleep and then put her down (35 minutes)...but she'll fall asleep and transfer nicely to the crib even if I set her down in a light sleep stage anyway so it wouldn't matter! It's just that 10 minutes into it (just as I get into something I need to get done) she wakes up!

I REALLY want a block of time that I can count on just to get my wits about me each day. I know that developmentally she needs more sleep. She doesn't sleep well at night either and so I am barely running on fumes here and she surely would benefit from more sleep. I NEED this child to nap and though I do NOT like the CIO method, I am close to considering it out of sheer desperation unless I can figure something out. She is perfect in every other way and doesn't even cry when she wakes (and yes, I do just leave her there for awhile but that's not the break I need, I need to NOT have to be vigilant to her noises and needs on the monitor for a little while, the constant vigilance is wearing me down and my brain can't function on so little sleep) I need to take care of things knowing full and well that she's asleep and doesn't need something for a short while.

And before anyone bashes my DH, he is always willing to do whatever I need and will take her but she always ends up fussy and wanting to be back with me or needing to nurse. It's not a break when I can hear her crying...it only stresses me out until I can get her back in my arms to calm her. But then, there I am again...eternally attached and never a moment to just figure out my to-do list, much less complete anything on it!

Can anyone help me?

Do any of you experienced mama's know how to compete with an infant (in any way other than what I've already tried) who rouses with every sleep stage????

Please help me!!

[Kmama2]

No you aren't the only one. As I write this ds has napped... 2 ten min naps this am and one hour this afternoon ( I held him for 15 min of that though). Its driving me batty. My first never did this. He is over tired too but nothing works. I have tried everything you have tried. Maybe its a phase???
If I hold him he will sleep for a few hours but I have a toddler so that doesnt work so good.

[Therese's Mommy]

My first was like that. She could only nap in my arms. If I tried to put her down she woke. If I tried to nurse her down in the bed and then get up she would wake in 10 minutes. She never once napped alone..not once. She did this until she was 2 and gave up naps. After that she periodically needed a nap and still had to do it in my arms. She is now 5 and has been a great sleeper at night for most of her life. I was just grateful I had no other children at the time.

My baby now, Veronica, doesn't sleep long on her own during naps either. Someone is usually holding her or slinging her. I don't mind too much because she gets enough sleep during the day but not so much that she isn't ready for bed at night. She takes several cat naps during the day.

My advice would be to have no expectations, I find that is the best way to keep your sanity when dealing with babies/children and sleep.

[MsVyky]

Marching right alongside with you, soldier.

Lyra won't sleep alone either. SHe's gotta be in the sling or Moby, in our arms, or right on top of us (Like if we're lying on the couch). At night when she's in bed, she sleeps in the crook of my arm. If I try to move away to get some space or lord forbid I want to have some *ahem* time with my husband, all bets are off and she starts to fuss and cry.

[pjs]

my 3rd child was like this- she stopped "napping" at 3 mos. She had a period of "napping" from 9 mos- 12 mos and that was it. She's now 2.5 and still doesn't nap. ever. Thankfully my Oct baby is a super napper.

[MeredithK]

I wish I had some advice for you...I know how hard it is. Dylan won't sleep without me. During the day, the moment he hits a different object than me, he wakes up. I do not do anything without him during the day. I feel absolutely the same as you in regard to DH. It's great that he can help when he's home, but I can never get things done because I'm waiting to take DS back.

My only sanity is that he does sleep through the night.

Is your LO okay in other ways...tummy problems? Reflux? Maybe the position she is in in your arms is more comfortable for her? All just guesses. I even cut out caffeine, just in case.

For me, while I can't get ANYTHING done, I'm trying to remember that it won't be like this forever. I'm trying to make peace with it.

[Friendlee]

Oh yeah! I also tried cutting caffeine like you. Didn't help and since I've had no sleep, I gladly started drinking some coffee again. That was a rough few days!

I definitely think it's more comfortable in my arms. I've even tried putting a heating pad under a blanket and then removing it just before laying her down in order to mimic the warmth of my arms.

I don't think she has any digestion issues. I don't see evidence of more reflux than normal for a baby and she doesn't really cry for "no reason" or have any issues with gas.

I'm just starting to feel resentful....I went through such hell with a "longer than normal" birth without any drugs, I strictly breastfeed even though I just want a break and I cloth diaper...etc., and so on. All moms make sacrifices and I feel like I am voluntarily sacrificing even more than the typical modern mom and...for what? I'm not sure. I don't know that things are going any better for me than they have for any baby/mom who had the epidural and use formula. I know if I had even one night's sleep I wouldn't feel so resentful or defeatist. But I haven't...and so I do.

[Maela]

Same here except, fortunately, ds sleeps well at night (for now). Just waiting for him to get older.

I agree with this.

Originally Posted by Therese's Mommy

My advice would be to have no expectations, I find that is the best way to keep your sanity when dealing with babies/children and sleep.

[Norasmomma]

Therese's mommy does have the right attitude. For me I WEAR DS most of the day, he will wake up and not nap unless in the Moby. The guy sleeps fine at night, but if he cannot touch someone he just wakes almost immediately. My DD would sleep for hours and hours in her bouncy chair, with DS we're lucky if we get 5 minutes w/out crying in it-as long as he's held or worn he's that happiest baby ever. I also have a 3 y/old and I CAN'T put him down for a nap because my DD is a terror and can't stop bugging him, like ever. If I don't wear him there is no napping.

Showering? I do that at night when DH can hold him. I just really cannot shower during the day, he wants to eat, be held, etc....I've had to let go of any major "me" time, the shower is what I get-it's my hour of bliss. Shower, blow-dry my hair, it's my nightly ritual.

I just have to say lowering the expectations for yourself may be hard and it doesn't mean you are a bad mom. I mean here I am on MDC, but I'm not CD-ing, all organic mama-I can't be that. I have to draw myt own line somehwere. I can barely do my family laundry-not also a heap of diapers too, I'm just saying. For me I've realized that I can't be everything, and I am ok with that.

[MamieCole]

DDC Crashing. Sorry you are dealing with a light sleeper. My first DS was just like that, except he would not fall asleep in the car, a swing, or anywhere other than in my arms...ever. He only slept through a nap if I was holding him. Around 16 months of age I started being able to nurse him to sleep then transfer him to the bed. He'd sleep for about an hour, then wake up to nurse and would fall back asleep to finish the nap. I always tell the story of how frustrating it was to hear people complain that their 3 or 6 month old wasn't sleeping through the night yet and I wasall "Sleeping through the night? My 18 month old isn't even sleeping through a NAP." *sigh*

The only things that worked for me were:
Give up the to-do list and just hold him or nap with him.
Hang on to my sanity until he grew out of it.

He started sleeping well at night around 2 years, starting sleeping through naps on his own around the same time. Now I am happy to report that he is a little over 3 years and sleeps all night long in his own bed and takes a 2 hour nap on his own every day. So, although the road can be long and stressful, it will get better eventually. You just have to take it one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time.

Hang in there. It will get better.

[Friendlee]

For me I've realized that I can't be everything, and I am ok with that.

I really struggle with this...and I'm not doing myself any favors.

[Norasmomma]

Originally Posted by Friendlee

I really struggle with this...and I'm not doing myself any favors.

I just had to have this same kind of conversation with my friend, she really didn't realize that much of the stress she's feeling is brought on by her too high of a bar she's set for herself. I'm more laid back roll with punches kind of mom, she's more I need to meet everyone's expectations all the time, but really the most important thing is to try and find whatever it is that makes you find some sort of balance. If you baby is happy sleeping when you carry her-that may just be the way it has to be for now, you also have to remember that it is always temporary, baby's change, their needs change.

I'm learning about my son every day, he's different than my DD was. Both of my children have been happy babies, very easy-but different, with different needs. DD was laid back in the fact she would nap in her bouncy, Ds is not that way. He is a Moby or Ergo boy, that is how he sleeps. Right now he's on Daddy's chest. He is only this way one time, and yes it is hard to get anything done, but just wait until you have a toddler.

IDK if things really get easier-they just evolve, and so do you as a parent.

What kind of carrier are you using? You mentioned not being able to do any cleaning or chores around the house while holding the baby-just curious.

Don't be too hard on yourself-having a new baby is hard work, but it is so rewarding. Oh and pumping some milk for your DH to give the baby a bottle isn't going to hurt anyone, the whole family will function better IF mama gets a bit of herself, even if it going out for 20 minutes to the store.

[boobs4milk]

hugs emily! it does get better...or maybe i'm just so crazy that i stopped noticing???

anyway, i have had 3 or my 5 that did not sleep well and i've just given in and held them. when dd3 was 9 mos, i flipped completely out and dh finally started helping me more. with this one, i still have to remind him that when he's giving me a break, he can't follow me aroung waiting to toss her back at me, no matter what. sometimes she fusses in his arms, but i need me time, even if it's just to poop alone!!!

it doesn't feel like it now, but one day you'll realize that she's sleeping better and the next thing you know, she's going off to college!

s

[Kmama2]

[QUOTE=Norasmomma;14884232]

What kind of carrier are you using? You mentioned not being able to do any cleaning or chores around the house while holding the baby-just curious.

QUOTE]


I have the same problem... not that ds is happy in the moby anymore either. But I coudln't really bend over etc in the moby or Baby Bjorn anyways. What sort of carrier do you recommend for letting lo nap and still get chores done?

[Friendlee]

I have the Sleepy Wrap which is just like the Moby only the fabric is stretchy. And I have the Ergo with the new heart-to-heart infant insert. I LOVE the sleepy wrap...but for instance, today when I needed to get the meatloaf out of the oven and then whip up the topping and put it back in, it was REALLY difficult keeping her from spilling out of the wrap and in the oven since when I bend over, her head falls back and then her shoulders. I always have to have one hand free to hold her into me. *Maybe if I had her head all wrapped up too...but she doesn't like that and it looks like it's hard for her to breathe anyway so I prefer her head to be exposed a little anyway.

The Ergo is just way too out in front of me to do any cooking. Both of the wraps are difficult to cook in. I find it hard to see over the baby enough to deal with boiling, sauteeing, chopping, etc.

The wraps are great for doing laundry, folding, or for walking (which I don't do since I live on a busy, curvy road with no sidewalks. It's also great for running errands if I want to mess with removing her from the carseat. I can wear a tank top, then put on the sleepywrap and then wear a cardigan. When I'm in the parking lot, I just plunk her in my wrap and I can shop/pay hands free.

I find that I hold my body and my back a certain way when I am wearing her and I don't like that. I love to wear her. Just not for everything. Unloading the dishwasher, showering, refilling the dog's water, getting dressed, etc are not wrap/Ergo friendly activities.

[joyakshi]

automatic bouncing baby hammock.
saved my life.

[Friendlee]

Do you have a link to where I might find one of those?

[Norasmomma]

Originally Posted by Kmama2

I have the same problem... not that ds is happy in the moby anymore either. But I coudln't really bend over etc in the moby or Baby Bjorn anyways. What sort of carrier do you recommend for letting lo nap and still get chores done?

Well I have a Moby, but I wear it really high and pretty tight, I have no choice but to wear him since my 3 y/old terrorizes him and things still need to get done. I also use my Ergo, it has the head cover thing and I'll put that up if he's sleeping, IDK I just find that it is more supportive for when I am doing things. Maybe I'm just more used to it or something I do almost everything wearing my baby.

[MsVyky]

I use the Moby when I'm in get-things-done mode too. She falls asleep if I pace for a bit, and then I turn her head to the side and tuck it in the side closest to my body. No spillage ever.

I also wear it quite tight.

and whoever mentioned chucking out your expectations- thank you. best advice yet. I stopped checking the clocks and started paying more attention to just meeting her needs and we, as a family, are better off for it.

[joyakshi]

Originally Posted by Friendlee

Do you have a link to where I might find one of those?

http://www.mamalittlehelper.com/automatic_hammock.htm

Just so you know, I got one of these but made my own hammock and hangar b/c of the issues with the Amby, and these hammocks are similar. the "infant" hammock she sells looks ok. I'll PM you soon and give you more info.