son is 5 and wont do things for himself

[sewcool]

things like dressing, wiping after bowel movements, cleaning up his food mess, or toys,and so on is this normal for a 5 year old? how do i make these things more enjoyable and help him want to do things for himself without bribes and threats and struggles. any ideas and or tips?

[craft_media_hero]

Well, my kid is 6.5 and still doesn't do all of that. She does wipe herself---that's one I wouldn't budge on once I knew she was physically capable of it-->I actually would stand in the bathroom and talk her through it step by step every time until she got it down.

But the rest of it? Oh, I think it has a lot to do with personality, stages, and just some kids are more self-advocating than others. I wish I knew the answers to this question. I do get a bit snippy with dd for not picking up her food mess---I'm like c'mon the sink is right there?

But then again she is very helpful on other chores that would not normally be hers--like she loves to make my bed and help load the dishwasher and mop and stuff.

In general, I just try to kindly remind and not enable it by just picking it up myself (but I do anyways, just because it is so much faster for me to put the dish in the sink instead of summon her from upstairs, deal with the poutiness, and watch to make sure she actually does it). I don't know, bad habits on both my part and hers. I'm trying to be more aware of how I can help her be more independent.

[DeepGreen29]

The reluctance sounds very normal to me. 5 is the age that I really began expecting the responsibilities to shift to him, and at almost 6 now ds is really getting it!! Things that have helped him are clear sometimes step by step instructions, and also the open offer of "help" from me. I will not do things for him, but if he needs a partner to pick up the toys then I am willing. It motivates him and shows him that we are all in this chore thing together

The dishes and food mess are important. I stress the idea that we can't move on to the next activity until this one is completed, and also that I need to clean up the mess from cooking etc so his portion is important for the whole...if that makes sense.

Wiping his bottom though, he's done that alone for quite some time. I know part of that is that he is quite modest. I am not willing to even help on a regular basis unless he is sick or there is a problem.

We are by no means perfect! Some days all I hear are stall tactics for everything from morning til bedtime.....but for the most part being clear about expectations and whys works well.

I think he is perfectly normal being reluctant, but those are also things that he is perfectly capable of handling. He will also feel good doing them once he realizes how much they contribute to the household.