to buy or not to buy - Page 2

[Oubliette8]

Is it possible that he's not jealous of his sister, but rather that he really looks up to her? My youngest sibling often wanted to have things I had and do things the way I did. It wasn't due to jealousy though, she just really liked me in a "little shadow" kind of way. If thats the case, I don't see the problem. i'm sure his big sister is a good role model for him.

[GuildJenn]

We handle the "wants" in a couple of ways:

- our son has a wish book where he is always welcome to record/colour/cut out flyer ads and paste in anything that catches his fancy at any time. We even bring it on shopping trips to write down everything we're NOT buying that day.

- sometimes we can see why he wants it and have no objection, but it's not urgent or we suspect that the desire may wane. In that case we tend to say "let's wait until we go to X store next and see what we think about it then."

- occasionally we do run out and buy a toy, whether it's new or used or whatever. Usually this is because what's come up is something that we think is a great thing and may as well leap on the interest then. The latest was dominoes; my son played at a friend's house (both the game and setting up the knock-them-down patterns) and then we realized we had no family domino set. So we made a special trip out to get them.

I don't know where this doll fits in for you. For me I think it would fit in category two where I'd wait to see a little bit, but be open to adding a doll to the family soon.

[firewoman]

I think I would have him earn a doll, personally. I'm assuming that he got some Christmas presents, too, so it isn't fair that he is going to get another toy and your younger one won't. I realize she is only 1 and probably won't understand that, but it is a bad precedent IMO.

I have a five year old and he is good at doing little things around the house and when he wants something we sometimes say no, but other times give him the option of cleaning the playroom, sorting his laundry, or feeding the animals. Figure out which and how many chores he would need to do to get the doll. He could start doing a chore a day for a week and then at the end of the 7 days he will really have something to look forward to AND he will have a sense of accomplishment because he earned it.

[mamazee]

Does he get an allowance? My dd gets a little money, not a lot but she doesn't often spend money either so she usually has a bit on hand if she wants something. If he's 5 he might be old enough for a small allowance, like a dollar or two a week, and if he really wants a doll he'll save up for one.

[eepster]

I'd have a serious heart to heart discussion with him about why he wants the doll. You might discover that he just understands the joys of caring for a doll more now that he sees how much little sis enjoys hers, or some other reason tat we don't know about.

If it truly is just jealousy, then I would talk to him about those feelings. Talk to him about things that that he loves doing and playing with that his sister doesn't really care about. Talk to him about how he does thing with his kitchen that are so cute.

If he still wants a doll after your heart to heart, and he hasn't given what you would consider a great reason for wanting one, then maybe it could be his request for his next b-day present, or he could write a letter to the easter-bunny requesting it, or as a PP suggested he could buy it with his own money.

[Drummer's Wife]

another vote for buying him a new doll.

and we were just rockin' Free to Be in the car earlier We had the tape growing up, and my sis bought the kids the CD a yr or so ago.