DD prefers Grandma, feeling sad... - Page 2

[mm22]

Thanks everyone for your encouragement and advice. I was really devastated when I started this thread, but after reading all of your posts I actually found some peace and confidence.

DD is now sound asleep in her OWN bed in the room next to me, at our own house. It was also quite a struggle this afternoon when we went to pick her up, but I was more prepared and had everyone's advice in mind. I'd rung my mum before going there asking her to co-operate when it's time for DD to go home. She kinda agreed (in her own way) but said she's been preparing DD all day and told her that Grandma was having a headache and had to go to see the doctor and that there are no children allowed so DD had to go home with mummy when mummy comes to pick her up. When I got there, my dad and DD opened the door but my mum was nowhere to be found. Apparently my dad'd told DD that Grandma had gone to see the doctor already. DD went quite crazy and tried to search for my mum first inside the house then ran around the front yard when I tried getting her into the car.

I wish my mum would just tell DD "no it's time you go home, no you can't stay with Grandma tonight, it's time to say bye bye" instead playing the hiding game. It might be painful for my mum to see DD upset, but saying proper bye bye will do good to DD in the long run, don't you think??

Drama, drama!

Thanks again everyone, I really appreciate everything you've said.

[octobermom]

but saying proper bye bye will do good to DD in the long run, don't you think??

Absoultly its scarry when people just "disapear" giving her a proper good bye and positive plans for next time is a much better way. If you can maybe decide on some days she CAN spend the night anticipating that could also becoem a great tradition and memory.

Deanna

[frontstreetmama]

I didn't read the other replies, but in most cases, that means that your 3 year old is well-attached and super secure to feel comfortable enough to leave for you the night! I'd say that means you're doing a great job!!! Enjoy a date with your DP!!!

[beanma]

Your mom sounds like a piece of work! Looking on the bright side, it is good, though, that she has a loving relationship with your dd.

I just wanted to pop in and say that my dd1 (almost 9) has a special realtionship with my MIL not just because grandma is fun, but because they are two peas in a pod and really are sort of soulmates. DD1 takes after MIL a lot. In fact, I've remarked before that if MIL weren't still alive I might think DD1 was her reincarnated : !

Their special relationship was really painful at times to me when dd1 was little. I have come to be happy for it, but there were times when dd1 was with grandma and completely oblivious to me (and DH) that made me feel really sad and left out and not just a little bit resentful! MIL has always been really great about our parenting choices and has always backed us up, though. This is just a case where they really have a special connection.

DD2 came along and while she loves MIL dearly it's in a much more typical grandma-grandchild way. I know she loves to stay with MIL if given the opportunity, but she loves Mama, too. With dd1 there were times when I began to doubt if I mattered that much to her (complete self-pity on my part, btw, and ridiculous). I guess really I was a little bit jealous of the special connection that MIL and DD1 have. I know now that it's not a threat to the special connection that dd1 and I have, though. While the connection is still there between the two of them and I would be surprised if it ever fades I know (silly as it sounds) that DD1 loves me fiercely, too.

Be confident that your dd loves you, too! And I think it might be time to have a talk with your mom and develop a plan of action for next time. She needs to follow your plan, though, and not go hide from your dd!!

[noobmom]

Originally Posted by mm22

Luckily though on the other hand, my 13-month-old hasn't turned that way yet, otherwise I'll be heartbroken beyond repair....

You've already gotten lots of good advice, but I'll point out one more thing. Your older DD may also prefer grandma's because she gets to be an only child there. At home you have to split your attention between her and your 1 yo. I've seen lots of oldest children with special relationships with their grandparents because of this. So, I won't be surprised if this never happens with your younger child.

[journeymom]

Originally Posted by jeliphish

just because her feelings are hurt though? impromptu sleepovers with grandparents were truly some of my fondest memories.

I didn't make the point I wanted to make. I've still got a headache and just can't form my thoughts very well.

It's something I've noticed here at MDC with new moms, and certainly I experienced this myself when our first was born. There's this transition time when young women tentatively assert their rightful authority with their ...superiors, for lack of a better term.

I experienced quite the epiphany the first time it dawned on me that I was right and my MIL was wrong about something relating to my child. Not only did I have the right, but the obligation to assert my way. Not angrily or rudely. Just firmly and cheerfully. I think it can lead to chaos when moms don't recognize their own authority, and don't assert it with others.

As far as the OP getting her feelings hurt, well, I think you have a point. But I think it's just part and parcel of the OP's feeling like she's not in control of the situation. Generally speaking sleepovers at Grandma's should be fine, but it's the way this particular situation went down that's the problem.

[Super_mommy]

Nothing to worry... May be she liked the environment of that house but definitely she will get back to you