What to do for a child who is demanding grades?

[LauraLoo]

A little background - We have been homeschooling for a 1 1/2 years, so ds was in school up to the very beginning of 2nd grade. I would have been happy with unschooling, but ds has asked for curriculum and imposed structure. He is very happy with homeschooling and has no desire to go back to school.

My ds is asking to be graded on his work. I don't grade. I don't think it's necessary and I think it's counterproductive to learning. When I asked him why he wants to be graded, he told me, "Because I want to know how I am doing. And don't go easy on me, either. I don't want you to give me a bunch of A minuses." I think this is a land mine because he has struggled with perfectionistic issues in the past and I don't want any frustration directed at me or a set back with perfectionism. OTOH, I think he genuinely needs to know where he's at and is feeling confident enough that I should look critically at his work and give him an "outside" opinion.

Has anyone gone through this?

[Roar]

It sounds to me like he knows this is something he needs to work on and he's asking for your help. Better to work out some of these feelings about perfectionism in the safety of home instead of out in the world.

One idea... if he's using curriculum is there any kind of test perhaps over spelling or math facts that he could take? You could set him up with the standard scale 90 to 100 = A and an answer key and let him grade his own work. If you play this right he's got plenty of control to only take the test when he's sure he's really ready for it.

I'm sure you will also have conversations about why grades aren't the be all end all and reassure him that his work is real even if he doesn't have grades. And, FWIW, we went through a similar phase here. We did as I described in the last paragraph and it seemed to meet the need. We also got in the process that our child wanted more feedback on what he has doing because on his own it felt a bit lonely.

[Geerbabe]

Perhaps it would help if you gave more concrete feedback that was not in the form of grades? For instance, instead of just saying "Good Job" you could point out that he consistently applies the pluralisation rule you tought him previously.

[Momma Aimee]

a few thoughts:

many of the curr and on-line schools have placement level tests -- there was a thread about that receently. Do yu think he'd like to take a math and reading "level" test just to see how he compares to others -- also would he like to go it 2 or 3 time a year -- to see his imporvement -- which is the most importnat aspect of testing to me ... compareing the scores to your won personal scores in the past.

does he have his own check list of goals for each unit or chapter or whatever .. again so he can see what he is accomplishing in real tersm.

I am much like DS -- I need to SEE what i have accmplished in a real way -- objective crossed off, test scores imporving ....

[zjande]

My son also requested grades. He really wanted to be able to judge better which subjects he needed to work more on. Also, he wanted to be able to talk & compare grades with his dad, who's in college. In the end, I had to agree because it also helps *me* see where he's needing a little more work. So, I started using the forms at donnayoung.org. HERE is the grading form.

I started keeping track in 5th grade but didn't do it very consistently. I'm trying to do better this yr (6th gr) so he can have real grades at the end of the year. I have had to alter the way we did some of our work just so I'd have something to grade! I've started using more tests & worksheets. Grading his writing isn't always easy, but I just try to wing it the best I can. Like, I approximate how many words are in the story, & subtract one point for each word that has a mistake in it. Or something like that.

He really enjoys hearing his grades at the end of each day. He gets more anxious to do better the next day. It's like he's competing with himself. lol

[morgainesmama]

When I do any formal teaching (which I haven't done outside of homeschooling in a few years) I LOVE the use of rubrics. This might be a neat way to work on grading if you do units -- at the beginning of each unit, decide what you want the outcome to be (either you or do it together), and work together to decide what that outcome will look like.

Then, break it into categories, and assign numbers based on effort/accomplished items.

You can also use general rubrics for things like writing, etc.

That is:

Say, for writing.
"Breaks ideas into paragraphs" - 1= no paragraphs; 2= some effort toward paragraphs; 3=mostly correct use of paragraphs; 4=excellent segragation of paragraphs
"Communicates main idea" - 1=Essay does not have a main idea, 2=main idea is not conveyed until second half of essay, 3=main idea is stated in the beginning of essay, and 4-main idea is stated clearly in the first two paragraphs and carried through the paper.

And so forth.

That way, your child could help to set the grades, and grading would be more of meeting correct standards that you have laid out together.

[LauraLoo]

I like the idea of starting with something very objective - like math or spelling because it is entirely possible for him to correct his "test" and give himself a grade based on percentages. If this satisfies him, great! If not, we'll likely move into rubrics. We have yearly high level objectives that we agree upon, so this isn't too much of another step.

I am wondering more if his concerns about grades is coming from some other concern - like if he is doing work that is real or whether or not I'm giving him enough validation in general. I had never considered that he might really just be lonely working independently now. And maybe I do need to continue coaching on the perfectionism in the safety of our home and raise the bar a bit. I think I have some more thinking to do on this.

[craft_media_hero]

Just say no to grading!

It sounds like you really don't want to do this. I've heard from other hs-ers that it is like opening a big can of worms, especially with perfectionist kids. Ditto to the pp who said be more detailed in the feedback you give him and perhaps doing some online placement or standardized testing? If he's really craving that outside reassurance.

Maybe a compromise could be that he grades himself. That seems more real to me---maybe you would give him an A but inside he honestly knows that he kind of bs-d through something? So he will be more honestly critical of himself, and it could open up communication about how he sees his own work.

If it were me, though, I would just explain your reasons for not grading once and then kind of smile and change the subject if it continues to come up, until it quits coming up.

[onyxravnos]

what about a needs work / satisfactory / outstanding grade system and then good creative criticism comments?

[Momma Aimee]

Originally Posted by onyxravnos

what about a needs work / satisfactory / outstanding grade system and then good creative criticism comments?

I would add "improved / improving"

needs work / improving / satisfactory / outstanding

because to me there is room between "needs work" and "satisfactory:

just me

[prairiebird]

Hmmm. This is interesting to me because my son just requested the same thing. He wants a report card and has asked more than once. He was homeschooled for one year, then did PS K, 1st, and 2nd. He is the kind of guy that would be in tears if he got a B, so I thought getting him away from that sort of pressure would be good.

I like the idea of perhaps starting with giving grades on things that have a definite right-wrong, like math or spelling since we do both in a sort of test form. And I like the ideas Momma Aimee suggested as well.

Maybe some kids need to see that as a goal to reach or something? I don't know. My other son could care less about grades; he is more concerned with getting things finished and then explaining how it was finished.

[darcytrue]

My son used to love for me to grade his work when he was younger. If he did work on paper then I'd check it and whatever he got wrong or needed to improve on I would let him know. I'd put happy face stickers on the papers or a letter grade. It made him happy at that time and he eventually got over it.

[LauraLoo]

Originally Posted by prairiebird

He is the kind of guy that would be in tears if he got a B, so I thought getting him away from that sort of pressure would be good.

When ds was in school, he never had letter grades. His report cards were the type of "Introduced, Meeting objectives, Making progress" kinds of comments. And, he never saw his report cards because they were pretty irrelevant since in conferences it was clearly stated that he was working above grade level where they could accommodate him. He definitely was the kid who actually cried when working on HWT (Handwriting Without Tears) worksheets because his teacher circled in red little mistakes. I think we're beyond some of that now that he's had a chance to decompress through homeschooling and mature a bit, but he's never really had the opportunity to compare his work with peers of the same ability before we pulled him to homeschool. He has likely picked up the "grading" concept from books, movies and/or his friends. The more I think about it I think his desire for grades is a symptom, but not the problem. Giving him grades would be a band-aid.

I'm toying with some ideas to present to him such as hosting a co-op, finding a mentor to "study" under, or something else (ideas, anyone?) so that he has the ability to get an outside perspective of his work, but won't necessarily be throwing him to the wolves.