~*Biblical Marriage with Wifely Submission #14 2010*~ - Page 7

[BFandHS]

Yeah, I think he really feels ignored when I'm on the computer. Also, when he's working around the house and I'm doing what he perceives as playing.

[justKate]

There is an interesting thread going on here in Religious Studies about submission vs. equality in marriage, if anyone is interested... I am not well enough versed to chime in but it is interesting reading.

[Brittany93]

Hello...I hope I'm not intruding? But I am curious as to what wifely submission means. I have a friend who told me it means that the wife takes care of the home...and stuff like that. Can anyone clear it up for me?

[wombatclay]

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Heyla everyone!


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[justKate]

Originally Posted by wombatclay

In addition, and to some extent because of Spirituality's "no debate" clause, while it is ok to link to threads elsewhere on MDC, comments about those threads need to happen in those threads.

Oops, I hope my last post wasn't against the rules...just thought others might find it interesting. As I hopefully mentioned I'm actively trying to take a more supporting role in my marriage and give my husband the room to guide our family...I wasn't implying any opposition to this. I hope I didn't offend anyone, that wasn't my intention.

[fierrbugg]

Originally Posted by Brittany93

Hello...I hope I'm not intruding? But I am curious as to what wifely submission means. I have a friend who told me it means that the wife takes care of the home...and stuff like that. Can anyone clear it up for me?

While certainly many women in general, particularly those who believe in wifely submission do in fact 'take care of the home' - that is a bit of an over simplification of the whole concept. Therefore, for a more complete description of what most of the ladies in this thread believe, I'm linking to the first post of the previous thread by Kidzaplenty. She explains wifely submission and the purpose of these threads so well.

[CrunchyChristianMama]

One thing my DH and I have been talking about lately is joyful submission. There were some areas where I was being submissive (sometimes), but he could tell that my heart was not truly in it because I was not doing so joyfully.

The easiest example was that I don't have much for libido right now with hormones and fatigue and such. So, when he would initiate anything I would either turn him down or not so joyfully oblige. I became convicted that this was not ok at all. It's one thing to have a reason to turn him down, and he's ok with that, but it's another to begrudgingly join in.

[justKate]

Originally Posted by Brittany93

Hello...I hope I'm not intruding? But I am curious as to what wifely submission means. I have a friend who told me it means that the wife takes care of the home...and stuff like that. Can anyone clear it up for me?

Originally Posted by fierrbugg

While certainly many women in general, particularly those who believe in wifely submission do in fact 'take care of the home' - that is a bit of an over simplification of the whole concept. Therefore, for a more complete description of what most of the ladies in this thread believe, I'm linking to the first post of the previous thread by Kidzaplenty. She explains wifely submission and the purpose of these threads so well.

The way I most often think of it is in line with the section of Ephesians that Kidzaplenty quoted in the link:

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.

...

So men ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord loves the church.

My husband is our head--he guides us, and I do my best to defer to his judgment/choices. But I am a part of his body (take this metaphorically or not) and he respects/nourishes his body, and therefore makes choices that respect/nourish me and our marriage.

I hope its okay for me to explain this--it's just how I feel/practice the principle.

[AFWife]

I wanted to share this: http://womenlivingwell-courtney.blogspot.com/2010/04/do-you-feel-like-stepford-wife.html

I found her blog recently and I really enjoy it.

[AFWife]

http://womenlivingwell-courtney.blogspot.com/2009/12/video-blog-learning-to-submit.html

[kittn]

ooh another place I'm so excited to find!!!!

[fierrbugg]

Originally Posted by AFWife 

I wanted to share this: http://womenlivingwell-courtney.blogspot.com/2010/04/do-you-feel-like-stepford-wife.html

I found her blog recently and I really enjoy it.

Thank you so much for sharing this link, Kas!!  I loved it.  And I agree with her so much.  As someone who is one class away from completing a graduate degree, and also a submitted wife (well you know a work in progress ), the last thing I feel like is a stepford wife.  I haven't had a job for over a year, and honestly I dread going back to full-time work.  I have found so much freedom being home and taking care of dh and my pups, volunteering and running around with some amazing Godly women.  I have had more time to spend loving on the amazing people God has placed in my life and again the last thing I feel like is a robot, or a rug on which any man, least of all my wonderful dh wipes his boots. 

Hey, how is everyone else doing????

[AFWife]

I'm doing well. I've had a few revelations Spirit wise as of late. I blogged about them (well, one is up and the other will go up Wed) I can share them here if you ladies are willing to read them...

[cappuccinosmom]

Getting ready to re-adjust to dh being here full-time.  Just about two months left now.  I miss him like crazy but after 18 months of being "Da Boss" around here, and pretty much doing whatever I wanted, it's going to be different when we're back to making decisions together.  He left *everything* in my hands while he was gone, including our rental properties.  I will be so glad when he takes that job back, but I think it's going to be hard to let it go, even though I hated it. 

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom 

Getting ready to re-adjust to dh being here full-time.  Just about two months left now.  I miss him like crazy but after 18 months of being "Da Boss" around here, and pretty much doing whatever I wanted, it's going to be different when we're back to making decisions together.  He left *everything* in my hands while he was gone, including our rental properties.  I will be so glad when he takes that job back, but I think it's going to be hard to let it go, even though I hated it. 

When DH was in basic training it was like that for me. I handled all financial decisions and kept track of the money. It was hard when he graduated to not have to worry about it anymore. (Granted, this was before DS was born and it was only for a couple of months....but I'm HORRIBLE with money so I had to be extra aware of it all the time)

[fierrbugg]

Merry Christmas, Ladies. 

I know we've been quiet lately - but I have been thinking about all of you.  Hope everyone is doing well. 

[justKate]

Girls, would you give me your honest thoughts on this?  I need some "tough" love, I think....

As I might I have mentioned, Huz is in the military and we will be moving this May.  I'm a lawyer, with significant student loans.  I mean, we pay more on my loans each month than our mortgage.  So to do real lawyer work, I have to take the bar in every state we move to, and that is costly and stressful.  I've worked full time throughout our relationship and 5.5 years of marriage, but it is hard for me to really increase my earnings because every time we move I end up taking a lower paying job. At our last assignment, DD was born (she's now 2).  Here's the issue.  I'm really ready to TTC.  We both want one or two more children; we just seem to disagree as to the timing.  I'm ready, because I think ~3 years apart is good spacing.  So I'd like to TTC this spring/summer to achieve that spacing, and be a SAHM while I'm pg and for the baby's first 6 mos. or so. (I have about 1 year max of unemployment benefits coming.)  I was only off for 13 weeks when DD was born, and it was so painful to be away from her.  I managed to pump for 12 months, but that too was really difficult, plus working with an infant that just didn't sleep...it was hard.

Huz is really worried about the financial side.  He thinks we should delay TTC, I should get a good paying job, and we should focus on paying down my student loans.  He says I could work for 2 years and then be done working.... I don't know that i want to SAH permanently, but it is appealing.  The idea that this would put our children 5-6 years apart doesn't bother him, and he thinks I should take a few months to spend time with DD while I look for a good job, which makes sense too.  I think he also feels that another child would make it hard for him to spend as much on his hobbies as he currently does, which creates some resentment on my part.  He spends a lot. I have NEVER reproached him for this, because he does work hard and i know he needs an outlet.  But it is hard to see. 

Any guidance is much appreciated.  I'm struggling to pray over this, because it inevitably turns into a prayer that his mind will be changed, and I'm not sure that's right.  I just can't get over it.  How do I defer to his judgment?  Or is there an alternative?  I'm almost afraid to bring it up again, because I might cry, and I don't want to unintentionally pressure him into something he doesn't really want to do....

[CrunchyChristianMama]

justKate - I would recommend sitting down with him and explaining your lines of thinking (being very careful to not be manipulative in your approach or explanations) as well as your concerns about money and how it's spent (a written budget may be a good idea here so that everyone knows where all the money is going and how much is really being spent).  Then let him know that this is an area where you feel he needs to take the lead and decide what is best for the family in the short and long term.  Ask him to please prayerfully consider the options and then make sure he knows that you will support him in whatever decision he makes.

That's what I would recommend, not necessarily what I would be able to easily do... 

[PPK]

Bumping:)  Is anyone still active on this thread?  Its been forever since I've read/posted, but would love to get it going again!