|More specifically for our home, we really like the Love and Respect concept by Emerson Eggerichs. Ultimately it is a different decision for each household
Yes to both statements. "Love and Respect" really helped me understand the dynamic that was going on with me and dh. It took several years of trying and failing on my part (and on his, I guess, but I don't know what God was doing in his heart) before we were able to get into a pattern of mutual kindness and respect. First I went to the extreme of "Whatever you say dear", and he went to the extreme of never expressing an opinion. So we were both resenting feeling "unheard", and both felt like the other was trying to overrun the relationship. Big, big mess.
So then we were both angry and "fighting for our rights", and that was another big mess.
We are still working things out, and not perfect. I'm sure after him being away as long as he has, there will be some changes and adjustments as we settle back into life together. But how it was working was that he is sort of the guy at the helm, pointing the ship so to speak. But he desires my honest input, and will change course due to my input at times. Meanwhile I try not to be sitting on his shoulder going "No! NOO! Not like that! Not over there! Go the other way! NOW!".
The biggest submission issue we had recently was him going to his home country for a year. I did not like that at all. He didn't like it either but felt it was the best option and that there probably wouldn't be another opportunity like this (timing, financially, the kids being young enough not to be too bothered). We talked about other options, he knew I had a different opinion, but I told him that I would submit to this, as a one-time, strictly defined period in our life. On his part, in spite of having some lingering "issues" with my parents, he suggested that the kids and I stay with them for the duration, because he wanted us to be as safe, comfortable, and happy as possible while he was away and he knew that would be the best place for us. So even submitting to something, I know I have a husband who is concerned about his family and our best interests, and that he's not just making random, irrational decisions or ignoring our needs.
In the smaller, day-to-day stuff. I'm pretty much responsible for the household budget and how it runs. Unless the spending is crazy high or he notices me coming home with shopping bags every day, he doesn't question me on what I buy and when. We have a mutually agreed upon desire for frugality and a simple life. I spend more than he would spend on himself, but even though he'd rather spend less money, he does enjoy the benefits of that spending, in terms of comfort and good eating.
He does most of the management for our rental properties, and the smaller decisions with those. However, he brings me along for my "approval" to houses he wants to invest in and my name is on every one of them. This year when he's been gone has clarified how well those roles fit. I am *not* management material. Have done my best, but just can't do it like he does. And lacking a wife in the home, he's been feeding himself boiled potatoes and onions cooked on a hotplate in his rented room. Poor thing. I'll be glad when he's home for good and we can go back to normal.