What's with parents and jail talking ?

[MommytoB]

First it was a grandma who said at the picnic to her grandson who didn't eat meat inside his cheese sandwich since it was a hamburger picnic.

She tells that kid of jail & food which I am like ready to 'snap at her '. That was around August .

Then this one girl who is a year older than my son tells me that her mom told her if she didn't go to school she would end up in jail !

She told me that yesterday and I said No No . You have to go to school to get an education.

Why do they use jail talk of minor outcomes that are not even 'real reasons of going to jail.

Why that scare tatic it's a completly cruel one and why not have honest truth of how people can truly end up in jail.

Maybe this is the reason why there are so many stealers, liars because after all parents are lying to the kids .



What's

[ssh]

Those examples are crazy and very dishonest. I have told my DD, age 4, that grown ups can go to jail for hitting or hurting people. It's part of our conversation about why violence is a bad idea. Talking about situations that we would call the police or 911 about is part of our family safety stuff. How could a person teach a child about safety issues while lying about the role jail plays in our society?

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

I agree that its a crazy way to try to scare a kid into behaving. However, I can see how a parent, without thinking about age appropriate language, could say to a 4 YO that if they don't go to school they will end up in jail, not meaning that they will be sentenced to jail as a child for not attending school but meaning that people who drop out of school are statistically more likely to end up incarcerated (this is statistically accurate). Of course a small child is going to misunderstand, but maybe its a way to give the parent the benefit of the the doubt?

[tbone_kneegrabber]

Well here (philadelphia) if you don't go to school (like skip) you get picked up by the cops or the trunacy cops and you do spend the day "detained" until the end of the school day and then you can go home, so it wouldn't be a "lie" to say if you skip school you could go to jail.

[lotusdebi]

Kids these days are arrested at an alarming rate - even elementary school aged kids. So, it's not always dishonest to tell kids that they're risking arrest when they do certain things. I certainly got on my older son's case when he defaced a table at a restaurant last week, and told him that it was vandalism and against the law. And I've told him that he has to either attend school or be homeschooled, and he's considered truant if he doesn't do either, and that he and I can get in legal trouble for that. I'm acutely aware that my older son is at increased risk of ending up in jail because of his special needs, and the related behaviors (often oppositional) that he exhibits. So I tend to be a hardass when it comes to those things that could involve the police, either at his current age or in the future. Kids who do what they're told, or learn and follow social expectations more easily probably don't need that kind of warning.

[dachshundqueen]

Well if you don't go to school where you've been enrolled or the kid is truant, either the caught kid and/or parents can go to jail in many districts.

Now, threatening your child that you'll put them in jail if they don't go......well that's a bizarre boundary issue I'm not getting into with strangers.

I do make my children very aware that some rules are not meant to be broken. For example, you're safer in the car seat and there are laws that are in place - mama would be in lots of trouble if she didn't make you ride there.

The only other thing is that everyone has different backgrounds and some people are REALLY squirrely about food - but I'm still not quite sure how the type of food that is served at jail is relevant to a BBQ, ya know?

Liz

[jmmsunshine]

OK - count me in the world of bad parents. I said this yesterday, for the first time.

4yo DS was coloring on the restaurant chair and refused to stop. I told him that ruining other peoples property was against the law, and people get arrested for that. He stopped immediately.

No - no one is going to arrest my 4yo. But, it's also not a lie - malicious destruction of property is prosecutable by law.

Not the best parenting moment I've ever had, but also not the worst. Maybe give the people you're overhearing the benefit of the doubt instead of judging them. You aren't walking a mile in their shoes, and you have no idea of what their day just held.

[One_Girl]

Maybe they have a family joke about jail that you aren't in on and you are misinterpreting. My dd and I have tickle jail and I use jail, squishing her, and hanging her up by her toes as to playfully move her out of a grumpy mood. It is something she enjoys and it helps me put perspective on what I am asking of her.

Also, if kids do miss to much school their parents can be taken to attendance court and in extreme cases they can be put in jail. I wouldn't suggest telling a child to feel free to skip out on the education her family feels is right for her.

[FallingLeaves]

DH is one of these people who uses jail talking with our daughter and it drives me crazy. It's a threat and scare tactic. He even threatens to call the police on her if he doesn't like the way she is behaving and will pretend to dial the number . I told him that she is going to need therapy when she is older because of the way he parents and he thinks she will need therapy because of my AP philosophies.

I think it's cruel to tell children these kinds of lies. He is so mainstream in his parenting and I wish I could get him to understand the harm he is causing. I think he does these things because of the way he was raised, where threating and lying were the norm. Sadly, that's probably why these parents are doing it too.

[waiting2bemommy]

where I live parents can indeed go to jail if their children are chronically truant, and older teens can also go to juvie for a day or 2. also, I went to jail for an unpaid speeding ticket (which I had no idea that could happen until it happened to me), and I know others who have gotten fines waaay biggger than mine for not haivng chidlren properly restrained. So, it's not a lie to say that mommy could go to jail if the policeman sees that you don't sit in your carseat or go to school.

However I still don't think that's the best scare tactic to use. And, no matter what a 3-4 year old does, he's not going to jail, so that's a total lie.

[FallingLeaves]

I am honest with DD and have explained real situations that result in people going to jail, however I think it's terrible to use this talk to try to change a child's behavior. DD is terrified of the police now thanks to DH and is afraid of going to jail. By the way, she is only 4.

[octobermom]

I tell my kid uhh oh the food police will come and you'll have to eat rotton bannanas and drink water with bugs in it. Of course its a HUGE joke we play and shes perfectly aware of my humor she says noooo its bug sandwhiches with rotton Apple juice MOM!!!! It often kinda breaks the ice and allows me to get a much needed built up frastrated "threat" out and still keep my mommy humor and gentle discipline coolness..
We also of course talk about who the police really are what a real crime is shes very aware of the diffrence..
Deanna

[shanniesue2]

with my kids at school (I have taught preschool and now teach kdg), I have told them about certain behaviors that adults who do that can get arrested and go to jail-- most recently, I had a child mooning other children on the playground. And I told him that adults who pull their pants down and show other people their bottoms or private parts can get arrested and go to jail. I have also told this to students who are having issues with repeated hurtful behavior that other, more positive discipline tactics have not helped. Repeated stealing is another thing that I have used the "adults go to jail for that" line.

However, I have never told a child that they will go to jail. I have always said something like, "now nobody is going to arrest you right now because you are in preschool/kdg, but it's really important that you learn now that it isn't okay to do __________. And that's why I'm telling you that adults who do that can get into really big trouble for it."

But I won't use that line in just any situation. It usually has to be a situation where the offense is REALLY serious or has been ongoing.