ARGGGGGGGGGGGH!!!!!!!!!! All he wants is the mouse!

[crunchy_mommy]

Well DS is only 11 months so he's not really old enough for any kind of "discipline" but I don't know where else to post this.

I WAH and need to be on the computer 8-10 hours a day (set hours, can't work at nights or nap time) and DS sometimes (RIGHT NOW!!) drives me insane.

He is entertained, there are lots of toys in the room and he's free to roam around, but he is dead set on playing with the mouse on my laptop. I don't know what to do because not only does it interfere with my work & mess up my computer (he "clicks" on things and deletes things & all, even flipped my screen upside down once) but I don't feel like it's even a safe toy for him to play with (I worry about the red light under it and the cord etc.)

I tried letting him play a little to get it out of his system, but he always comes back to play more... I tried saying loudly NO but it doesn't work and I feel like a jerk doing that. I am soooo frustrated with the situation. I give him other toys & let him sit in my lap & listen to music etc. but no matter what I do it only works for a short time, the mouse is like a magnet! We even got him a baby laptop but he only wants mine.

I know you all will say that I shouldn't be WAH with a baby but we NEED my income, there's no way around it. DS is VERY VERY clingy so even when I have someone (DH or my sister) here to help with him, he often needs to be in the same room with me or on my lap because he's just not happy away from me. I'm working on improving the work situation (hoping to get a part-time job instead that pays more) but who knows if that will come through and either way I still need to do other things on the computer like upload all the adorable pictures of him so his grandparents can see him!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK what do I do? Help me, I am trying to hard not to yell & get angry with him but I'm at my wit's end, it took me almost 1/2 an hour just to type this post because he kept going at the mouse & messing it up!!

[AustinMom]

I feel you, I don't WAH, but my 17 mo is obsessed with phones. My husband's black berry is his favorite, but he obviously can do a lot of damage with that. I would say this started around 11 mo or so, and I would give you the advice of nipping it in the bud, and NOT allowing him to play with it. If he whines and ends up getting it after 10 min of whining, he will know next time to whine for at least 10 min. I don't think it is too young to set boundaries, of "don't touch". It takes a couple days for him to realize that he can't have it, especially when he sees you having it, but kids need to be able to be told "no" and be okay with it.

He'll get over it, even if he screams, it's hard to see your kid cry because he wants something and can't have it, but I know for sure, it's for the better.

[LynnS6]

Get some cool grown up objects that he only gets to play with when he's on your lap -- I'd get a regular mouse for a computer and let him play with that (just don't connect it to anything!) Goodwill probably has them really cheap if you don't have a spare lying around. Get him an old cell phone (take the battery out so he doesn't accidentally call 911 like our dd did when dh gave her the phone). Laser pointers are pretty cool too. Use those to redirect him every time he touches the laptop mouse.

Realistically speaking, he's getting to an age where it's going to be more and more difficult for you to work from home without someone there to help. It can be done, but since your hours are set and he wants your attention, he's going to be hovering around a lot.

[Chamomile Girl]

Since you have a laptop is it possible for you to work without the mouse, just using the trackpad?

[NellieKatz]

Why not go onto Freecycle and ask for a computer (even a nonworking one) with its own keyboard and mouse? That way you are not paying for it and it gives him his own equipment to play with?

It may not work, of course, because maybe it's about the mouse being YOURS than it is about the mouse. But it's an idea. Freecycle is free; i.e. no risk. If he hates it, give it away again or recycle it appropriately.

Just a thought!

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl

Since you have a laptop is it possible for you to work without the mouse, just using the trackpad?

Apparently I'm very uncoordinated or something because I can't seem to function with the touch pad!!!

Originally Posted by NellieKatz

Why not go onto Freecycle and ask for a computer (even a nonworking one) with its own keyboard and mouse? That way you are not paying for it and it gives him his own equipment to play with?

Originally Posted by LynnS6

Get some cool grown up objects that he only gets to play with when he's on your lap -- I'd get a regular mouse for a computer and let him play with that (just don't connect it to anything!)

I actually have spare computers, mouse, etc. in the attic, I'll have to dig them out. My only concern is 1) They aren't baby safe (but of course I'd be right beside him so maybe I'm being paranoid?) and 2) Is that sending him mixed signals? Like, how will he know the difference between 'my' mouse & 'his' mouse? Other than that I think it's worth a shot...

Originally Posted by LynnS6

Realistically speaking, he's getting to an age where it's going to be more and more difficult for you to work from home without someone there to help. It can be done, but since your hours are set and he wants your attention, he's going to be hovering around a lot.

Yeah, if I didn't have to do this, I wouldn't, but there's no choice. Having someone to help is only marginally better because he just wants to be with me. I don't know why he's such a clingy little guy but he's been that way since birth :-/

Originally Posted by AustinMom

I don't think it is too young to set boundaries, of "don't touch". It takes a couple days for him to realize that he can't have it, especially when he sees you having it, but kids need to be able to be told "no" and be okay with it.

He'll get over it, even if he screams, it's hard to see your kid cry because he wants something and can't have it, but I know for sure, it's for the better.

I guess this is what I really want to do but I can't figure out how to do it. I tell him 'no' and he just goes right back to it. I don't know how to get him to understand what no means... I can't seem to redirect him... and yes I HATE hearing him cry, he's a fussy baby to begin with so anything that causes extra crying generally I avoid. But I want him to understand the boundaries... I just feel so clueless. And I would like to integrate this idea with the others that the PP's had but like I said, would that send him mixed messages??

[NellieKatz]

I don't think he will know the difference between the mice, but the idea was if you put him on the other side of, say, a baby gate and give him his own equipment near you (just not WITH) you,then he'd be able to mouse when you are rather than just seeing you doing it and wishing he could too.

Or maybe I've already forgotten how it is at that age. :-)

[cmhermes]

I agree with the pp that says get him his own mouse, maybe even a keyboard and monitor. I don't think it will send mixed signals. It may take some redirecting to get him to play with his mouse and not yours, but it may work with some persistance. My girls love old cell phones, purses, shoes. He's emulating you, wants to be like mama! It's worth a try.

[Adallae]

I'm in the same situation (WAH via my laptop, set hours) and my 7 month old LOVES my blackberry. There's probably a world of difference between a 7 month old and 11 month old (thanks for the window into my not so distant future BTW!) but we gave her an old phone and it seems to be working for now. When she reaches for mine, I hand her the old one instead. An old mouse that he can play with might at least be enough to satisfy his curiosity. Maybe you can open it up and take out the mechanical parts if you're worried about them?

[newmommy7-08]

W/ DS it's all about a working mouse... keyboard... etc. We've given him his own disconnected pieces, a broken laptop, old cell phones. They all hold his attention for a short amount of time and then he's back to wanting mine.

[Encinalien]

I sat ds near me and gave him a keyboard he thought was to my cp. (ie., put his highchair in your office and a mouse with the cord "plugged in" to your computer "too". For a while I put a wireless keyboard under the tv. Any time he wanted to type I'd point him to his "computer". He'd run over, pound a few keys, the be on his way. Several times a day. One time when the satellite went out he started typing away until he "fixed it" and the tv came back on.
this might be your future. My ds is 26 months old. He has phonics games, dot to dot, color by number, nursery rhyme music videos all on cd rom. He navigates and plays independantly, the computer games are made for toddlers these days. Remember the days when we'd smile at five year olds on the computer? I've asked here on MDC and there's an overwhelming number of toddlers playing their own computer games.
ETA: make a few shoebox kits of things they can only play with "sometimes". only let them use them a little bit so they stay special. Sometimes it will buy you the 15 minutes you need to finish what you're doing. Crayons, blocks, doesn't really matter what.

[lmk1]

I also work from home and on my computer all day. Starting pretty early, ds got really fascinated with my computer, my mouse (I also hate using a touchpad!). It's really pretty normal - at that age, he's learning what real things are, what adults do, and if you're using it, it must be better than whatever toys he's got. I had a second laptop and mice that amused him for a little while, but realistically, he wants to use what you use because you are using it. Honestly, I was so frustrated trying to work at home until we got a nanny. And ds was very much a mama's boy too...but we found someone who would come and play with him - it made me feel good that he had human interaction when he obviously craved it, and that i could actually sit and work without a kiddo banging on my computer constantly. I actually found that the nanny was much better at keeping him entertained than dh...because it was her job, and so she was focused on him rather than checking her email or reading a book, or whatever dh thought he could do while watching ds.

Even if you could find a teenager or someone with lots of energy who truly likes kids and makes it fun for them, it will really help you.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by lmk1

Even if you could find a teenager or someone with lots of energy who truly likes kids and makes it fun for them, it will really help you.

DH is the ONLY person he will go to besides me (and even then he's constantly trying to get to me)... I just had my sister over who I pay to help with him and she's been nannying for years and he won't even go to her for more than 5 minutes even though she does everything just right. Anyone else, he screams the second he hits their arms, and doesn't stop. He just wants me. It's really rough... especially the last few weeks :-/

Thanks everyone for the tips, I will have to try a few things...

[_betsy_]

Are you working behind closed doors when someone else is available to care for him? I wonder if it's in part that he can see you that makes him not want anyone else.

The separation anxiety is beginning to lessen for DD2, she just turned a year old on Saturday. She started getting all Mama-crazy again when she started walking, now that that's been mastered a month and a half later I'm able to be near her without her needing to be with/on me every second.

Neither of my girls fell for the "similar but not mine" non working mouse or keyboard.

Can you work on a table top or desk where the mouse and laptop are out of his reach?

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by _betsy_

Are you working behind closed doors when someone else is available to care for him? I wonder if it's in part that he can see you that makes him not want anyone else.

Yes, when I try keeping the door closed he'll crawl over to it & stand outside crying! Even if he's been entertained for 10-15 minutes he always ends up back at the door. He's better with my DH but it took about 10 months for even that slight improvement.

Originally Posted by _betsy_

The separation anxiety is beginning to lessen for DD2, she just turned a year old on Saturday. She started getting all Mama-crazy again when she started walking, now that that's been mastered a month and a half later I'm able to be near her without her needing to be with/on me every second.

I am hoping this will hold true for my DS as well... but I'm not sure, since he's been this way since birth. It's not a stage for him, it's just how he is. I sure hope it somehow improves because it is really driving me insane. I love him & love being with him but I'd also love a half hour to myself (or to work or cook or clean or whatever!)

Originally Posted by _betsy_

Can you work on a table top or desk where the mouse and laptop are out of his reach?

I tried that but he just sat at my feet and cried. Plus, he nurses so frequently, it's really inconvenient to be sitting at a table and have to move somewhere easier to nurse hands-free.

Wow I sound like the people that ask for advice & then shoot down every idea... I hate being like that Maybe I'm missing something... maybe I'm making this harder then it needs to be... or maybe my situation really is impossible :-/

[Equuskia]

How about having someone take your baby outside of the house to the park or something? That way he's not in the house looking for mommy.

[crunchy_mommy]

How about having someone take your baby outside of the house to the park or something? That way he's not in the house looking for mommy.

OK I'm starting to think something is wrong with my baby... If he's out of the house & not with me he cries & cries until he gets home to me. I'm not joking or exaggerating when I say he always has to be with me. So I take it that is not normal????

[lmk1]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

OK I'm starting to think something is wrong with my baby... If he's out of the house & not with me he cries & cries until he gets home to me. I'm not joking or exaggerating when I say he always has to be with me. So I take it that is not normal????

Ds was very clingy at that age. We were living in a city far away from any relatives and few friends at the time, so he never spent much time with other people, and only wanted to be with me. It took time and a consistent effort by other people to get him to not cry when I wasn't around.

[TulsiLeaf]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

OK I'm starting to think something is wrong with my baby... If he's out of the house & not with me he cries & cries until he gets home to me. I'm not joking or exaggerating when I say he always has to be with me. So I take it that is not normal????

thats normal. when a child has only been around it's parents and not really taken around by other people of course they are going to lose it when being around someone else. It just takes time. Have people keep taking him out for short periods of time. He will cry, but as long as someone is there consoling him, it's not like CIO or anything.