WOH moms...are you lonely?

[gwen's mom]

I am a WOH mom with three DC, ages 7,4,1. I work about 50 hours a week and I am also a PhD student. My Dh is amazing; he is home with the kids during the day, works evenings at a bakery and on the weekends we continue remodeling our home. We home school our oldest DD which falls largely to me but I have degrees in education and really enjoy the opportunity.

The problem? I am lonely; so very lonely. Admittedly I am an introvert so I absolutely need my time and my space but I have come to realize that I have very few friends and no outlet to meet new people. Our family is all 1000 miles away. I go to work, go to class, do my homework, help DD with hers, spend time with our other children and work on our house. That is it. I really don’t know how to find any more time to be social and I frankly I am physically tired from all I am obligated to do. DH is lonely too; he is a chef by trade and loves to entertain but we really have no one to entertain.

The house is almost done but you know how homeownership is…there will always be something else to do. I am ½ done with my PhD but the end is still 2 years away. I am not sure I can feel this way for that much longer.

Does anyone else struggle with a similar situation? Has anyone found a solution?

[34me]

No solution for you but I too am lonely most of the time. My kids are older 15,13,11 and I only work part time (exact school hours) but I am constantly running them around, trying to do all the house stuff (seems to be my "other" job since dh works full time . He is perfectly content, i would like to find someone to have a cup of tea and a chat with. All of our family is between 1000 and 3000 miles away...

[A&A]

I'm in a similar boat!

[Ceinwen]

Similar situation here. I'm a single mom to two girls (ages 7 & 2) and while I do have a gf, it feels as though we are literally playing pass the kids. I do shift work as a trauma nurse, she's a DCP. On the rare opportunity we are both off, and the kids are gone to their dad's house - we do stuff around our house. I feel as though I'm stuck in a hamster wheel of making ends meet and endless rounds of laundry.

I'm not sure what the answer is.

[A&A]

hamster wheel of laundry! Love that description. Me too!!

[Ceinwen]

Originally Posted by A&A

hamster wheel of laundry! Love that description. Me too!!

It's true! Totally OT - I'll give myself a mental high five for getting 'caught up' on the laundry one night, and the next night there's two full baskets of dirty clothes. And then I'm like 'Huh? Whaaa?' So much for ANY free time - that doesn't include changing loads!

Me = bitter

[claras_mom]

I sometimes wonder if laundry was the inspiration for tribbles....

Back on-topic. Yes, I get lonely. Doesn't help that dh is the kind who can spend hours not talking--he gets wrapped up in something. And I wind up handling the kids and house stuff in the evenings. Anyway, I try to get out by myself when I can, for professional stuff--but not with the people I work with, iykwim. There's a mental stimulation that's completely lacking in day-to-day interactions at work.

It's possible that I'm not so much lonely as in a rut and bored and not finding a good way out of it.

[kerc]

Yes, I'm lonely. I spent 8 years as a more or less full time grad student (less when I had my two babies). I finished my degree and now hold a job that could turn permanent but it is so lonely. I'd go back to the 8 dollar an hour jobs I've had if I could....

Luckily I have a close group of friends here at MDC (the running moms on the health management page), and I started doing a yoga class for myself. It will be on the upswing soon, I'm sure.

[almadianna]

Why do you think many of us are online a lot?

or maybe just me...

but yes, sometimes I totally am.

[Ceinwen]

Originally Posted by almadianna

Why do you think many of us are online a lot?

or maybe just me...

but yes, sometimes I totally am.

Too true. I'm a facebook addict.

[*Lisa*]

Are there any homeschooling groups in your area with like-minded parents? If so, you can treat the meeting times as homeschooling time (to avoid the need to find additional time in your very busy schedule).

I also work at home and homeschool my older child, and our homeschooling group has been my main social outlet lately.

[Hoopin' Mama]

I imagine the amount of time I spend on here and on facebook indicates that yes, I'm lonely.

[meandmine]

Sometimes.

I have so many obligations (family and grad school) that I don't seem accessible to the single young folks at work -- they would never consider including me in what they do outside of work.

I do have friends from church and moms of my girls' friends, but my truly "close" friends aren't so close any more.

I do reach out ... a lot ... schedule dinners with friends, make sure I go to church and see our "Church friends," call friends who are not nearby, invite folks to join us for holidays. It is all pretty shallow, but it is the best I can do.

I rarely get invited to do stuff, but I just keep reaching out. Have to -- although I am an introvert, I am borderline extrovert :-).

So, keep reaching out! Host a house warming party, for sure!!!!

M

[ebethmom]

Yep. I find that I have absolutely no time to cultivate real friendships. Between homeschooling, teaching violin/viola lessons, playing in two orchestras and freelancing, there is no energy left over for social ventures. My dh is a pastor, so we have a community there. But I don't feel free to share anything truly personal with them.

I had a sad moment a few months ago when I realized that the bulk of my socializing happens on Facebook. I try to satisfy my need for socializing when I'm at rehearsals. I have several good friends in my orchestras, and I make sure that we catch up at breaks.

I spend a lot of time driving. My hope is that we can move to my hometown sometime in the future. I could establish the majority of my work there and be closer to my family. For right now, I've just accepted that I won't have close friends. It kind of stinks, but I just think of it as temporary.

[LilMomma83]

I feel the same way..I don't have much time and feel like I don't fit in with anyone...especially AP type moms because most of them seem to SAH.

[gwen's mom]

especially AP type moms because most of them seem to SAH.

This exactly. All of the homechooling events/playgroups/Bible studies/etc are all between 8-5. I can't take time off to go to these sort of things so I can't cultivate relationships through these venues.

[A&A]

Originally Posted by LilMomma83

I feel the same way..I don't have much time and feel like I don't fit in with anyone...especially AP type moms because most of them seem to SAH.

Yeah, being an AP'ing WOHM is tough.

[almadianna]

Originally Posted by gwen's mom

This exactly. All of the homechooling events/playgroups/Bible studies/etc are all between 8-5. I can't take time off to go to these sort of things so I can't cultivate relationships through these venues.

I just got off the phone with another mama about this.

I started a babywearing group in the evenings, nobody showed up... I felt like i was the only working babywearing ever. it sucked.

[CatsCradle]

I think I have many friends but no close relationships outside of my relationship with DD and DH. I'm not close to my siblings and my parents are far away. DH and I are "older" parents, so often we find ourselves at birthday parties and the like where we're sort of the odd people out. (Between: I don't think the age difference discomfort is intentional...but sometimes it is hard to find common ground with someone who is 25 years older or younger than yourself...with different perspectives on life and at different stages in life.)

Although I consider some of the people that I work with very dear to me, those relationships are completely professional and I doubt that I would confide in any of those people unless a personal issue was directly related to the performance of my work.

DH and I are very close and have the same quirks, see eye-to-eye on most things and are natural-born recluses (aside from our professional lives). Maybe my relationship with DH has allowed me to be a bit lazy in cultivating other relationships. That aside, my focus is entirely on family and work.

I'll echo the PPs in that MDC allows me to discuss in-depth parenting issues that I normally wouldn't be able to with others. MDC even allows me to wax philosophic every now and then and if it bores everyone here to tears - at least I don't know about it!

Maybe "lonely" isn't a way to describe how I feel. I think I just feel "disconnected."

[Poodge]

Originally Posted by A&A

Yeah, being an AP'ing WOHM is tough.

I am trying to reach out a little more. I go to the evening LLL meetings and a local birth chat group, but it is tough.

I also agree about being online alot to make connections.

mamas