Confusing custody question

[Mouchois]

I have a question, but in order for you to answer, I will need to try to summarize my situation first, as it's a pretty hairy one.

Basically... I went to another state for a work related training event and stayed for about 10 months.
My exhusband was very nice and worked well with me, promising to work with me and allow me time with my child, as I didn't want to uproot my child from our entire family back home.
Over time, I found that he was lying and he did many things to keep me from our child.
I went to visit for the last time before moving all of my stuff back home and I was served with custody papers.
All in all, we went back to week to week, tons of things happened that would give me the upperhand in a custody case (I didn't have to worry about primary parent too much).
My exhusband motioned for an expedited trial so that he could move out of state with DS. Got a lawyer. His lawyer backed out because it was evident that my ex wanted nothing but to take DS out of state so that I wouldn't be able to see him.
Trial judge motioned that we continue week to week and exhusband provide all transportation.
Now I am not able to get a hold of my ex. I have no idea where DS is and I need to know what is going on so that I can let his school know.
How can I find out where DS is if my ex is refusing to answer calls/texts? I'm not supposed to get DS until Thursday, but I'm getting a bit worried. I feel that there should still be communication even though this is his week with DS.

[Maluhia]

You might try the Single Parenting forum to get more answers.

Call your lawyer and find out about what you can do for contact in case *i hope not* he's taken your son

Mama

[Mouchois]

I'm honestly VERY worried about him taking my son. He's done so much shifty stuff in the past, I am not really sure.
And good idea. I'm pretty new, so I never really know where to post. Can a mod move this, by chance?

[chaoticzenmom]

Your ex didn't take your child to school and you can't find him? He didn't call the school to say your son would be absent? I'm wondering if he just took him to the other state. I'd call my lawyer and file a missing persons report or something. I'd go to the police station and find out what options you have. Do you think he'd kidnap your son?

[Mouchois]

The court allowed him to take my son out of state during his weeks. So if he did take him out of state, there is not much that I can do about that.
Although, there was no final paperwork and the judge actually said "Follow the paperwork as is". If that's the case, that means that he is not able to take DS 60 miles away from where we are currently.
It's all so confusing, and my lawyer is also trying to find some way of doing this the right way before calling the police. Basically our trial judge just got upset that the whole case was turning into a circus and dismissed us all from the room. He refused to hear either side.

I think I am just more worried that I am not being told anything at all. I'm dreading that I will have to wait until Thursday and by that time, find that my ex is no where to be found or something.

I mean, I really don't feel that he would do something like that, but he's lived down to my expectations on more than one occasion, so there is always that little bit of fear in the back of my head.

[pixiekisses]

But DS was not in school, even though he is supposed to be? Has the dad called and said DS was sick?
I can understand your worry.

Thursday, like tomorrow, right? If he's not back with you the minute he is suppose to, call the police and file a missing person report.
Send ex a text telling him that.

[Mouchois]

Finally found out that DS is still in town... But he's not with his dad.
His dad left the state and now DS is staying with his stepmom (which is NOT okay). I'm VERY worried now, as DS has told me on numerous occasions that she hits him and yells at him.
I will be waiting until tomorrow to find out from my lawyer what to do.

Thank you everyone.

Also, DS has been kept from school the entire time.

[annettemarie]

I'm going to move this to Single Parenting. *hug* Wishing you the best of luck.

[pinetree]

Check into the wording of what you have to see if there is anything about him having to notify you if he goes out of town and leaves ds in another person's care.

The biggest thing here though is that he has not provided for your child to get to school. How old is your ds? Would this be considered neglect? Biggest thing you can do is make sure that the school is documenting that ds did not attend. But also check and see what the courts in your area think about parents who do not ensure that their children attend school.

[Mouchois]

Originally Posted by pinetree

Check into the wording of what you have to see if there is anything about him having to notify you if he goes out of town and leaves ds in another person's care.

The biggest thing here though is that he has not provided for your child to get to school. How old is your ds? Would this be considered neglect? Biggest thing you can do is make sure that the school is documenting that ds did not attend. But also check and see what the courts in your area think about parents who do not ensure that their children attend school.

He's only four, so I'm not sure how important school actually is at this point other than his only constant. It was recommended by a counselor to NOT change his schooling plans. As for the papers, it states very clearly that for any time over 3 hours, the parents are to be the first called for childcare. Any overnights with a substitute childcare provider is strictly prohibited to offer more time with the parents.

[MissLotus]

That's crazy!
First of all, in your legal papers you need to have the "first right of refusal", so that if your ex isn't going to be with your son, he can't dump him off with someone else.

And in your papers there needs to be something about how you are allowed communication with your child when he's with his father.

Thirdly and most importantly, the guy sounds like a flight risk, so I think the whole arrangemen has to change anyway. Plus, as your son is almost elementary school age - how is alternate weeks in different states going to work when he's in school?

[MissLotus]

Oh, whoops, just saw the part about childcare with substitutue provider. It stinks that your ex is not abiding by that.

[lilyka]

you need to talk to your lawyer. have your lawyer talk to your xh (this always stopped xh in his tracks. he would bully me but not my lawyer. actually I have no idea what my lawyer would say after she talked to me but whatever she did.....)

this is rediculous. Regardless of who has the chidlren in our situation the other knows where the children are and are allowed to talk to them.