i want my toddler to stop napping. what do i do about daycare?

[readytobedone]

DD is 32 months. she will often nap if given the chance, but i really prefer her not to, because the days she naps she is up till 11 p.m. if she doesn't nap, she is asleep by 8.

so lately at home, we don't do naps. the only exceptions are illness, travel/exhaustion, or if she wakes up really early.

they have a 12-3 napping period at daycare. i suppose i could try asking them to wake her at 1:30 and see if that helps. my sense is she is up for about 8 hours after her nap ends.

i dunno. i know it is a hardship on them if she doesn't sleep. all the other kids sleep. but this is a hardship on us

and it doesn't help that the days she is home with us (she's in daycare 3 days per week) she doesn't nap and goes to bed early. because then she is more tired the next day for daycare, so she definitely will nap, then she is definitely up late...and then she wants to sleep in because she was up late! so every day is just haywire, and it sucks. i don't even get what people mean by having a set bedtime. that is IMPOSSIBLE with this child because it all depends on whether she napped.


she's always been this kind of sleeper...like, she needs to be up for x hours before sleeping again. problem is, the number of hours just gets more and more. when it was 5, this was perfect. she went to bed at 8. 6? 9. but her routinely going to bed past about 9:30 is really taking a toll on us.

can i ask them to have her not nap? i don't want to be a pain, but jeez louise. do other kids do this, or is it just mine? i don't see how the 3-4 year olds nap there and then go home and go to bed at a normal time!

[Grace and Granola]

I totally get what you're saying. My ds will be 3 next month and he has been in this cycle for a few months. The reason I started cutting back his naps was so I wouldn't have so much trouble getting him to bed at night. BUT, at this age, it has been impossible to completely cut out the nap. He really needs one at least every 2-3 days or so. Otherwise he's a mess. On the days when he naps, I do not let him sleep past 3, not matter what time he falls asleep.

We don't do daycare, so I'm not really sure what would be best in that situation, because I can't see it working to NEVER have a nap at daycare. Could you just talk to her teacher about it and see what she says? Maybe they could put her on a MWF nap schedule! That way they get three days of her napping, but have to deal with her being awake only on 2 days. Or I'm sure they would be able to tell on those days when she's just tired and needs a nap. Ugh, that's a tough situation. I think just talking about it has to be the first step and see if the daycare is willing to be flexible.

[bobandjess99]

They have a 3 HOUR nap time for almost 3 year olds? That's insane. My kids would never sleep at night either. I can't let them sleep more than one hour during teh day, or they'll beup all night long. I'd discuss it with them.

[bluebunny]

My sister had this problem with my nephew. He was at daycare five days a week while she worked and he took 2-3 hour-naps every day. He wouldn't go to sleep until 10:30 p.m.

I would ask the daycare if they could wake him up early.

[readytobedone]

Originally Posted by bobandjess99

They have a 3 HOUR nap time for almost 3 year olds? That's insane. My kids would never sleep at night either. I can't let them sleep more than one hour during teh day, or they'll beup all night long. I'd discuss it with them.

yeah, it is a mixed-age group (infants-4). they have a 3 hour naptime for everyone. obviously they don't force them to nap the whole time. but they don't wake them either. i guess i could ask. maybe they could let her nap for no more than 90 minutes, like i said?

[readytobedone]

Originally Posted by bobandjess99

They have a 3 HOUR nap time for almost 3 year olds? That's insane. My kids would never sleep at night either. I can't let them sleep more than one hour during teh day, or they'll beup all night long. I'd discuss it with them.

i'm glad to know it's not just me

before i posted here, i googled on this topic and i read all this crap online (not here!) where DCPs were saying "oh, parents don't want their kids to nap, because they say they won't go to bed, but that's just poor parenting/no boundaries/no routine. not my problem!"

uh, no. it's called SHE'S NOT TIRED! so she won't sleep! it has nothing to do with my parenting. short of locking her in her room (which i would obviously NEVER do), i can't make her "go to bed" at a certain time!

ETA: i just realized i replied to you twice, talking about different parts of your post. obviously working today then staying up late with a toddler who was not tired has taken its toll!

[readytobedone]

Originally Posted by Heatherb917

He really needs one at least every 2-3 days or so. Otherwise he's a mess. On the days when he naps, I do not let him sleep past 3, not matter what time he falls asleep.

We don't do daycare, so I'm not really sure what would be best in that situation, because I can't see it working to NEVER have a nap at daycare. Could you just talk to her teacher about it and see what she says?

yeah, i think this is the right idea here. she DOES sometimes need a nap. i trust them to be able to tell. but maybe the better plan (since she will nap for them; when she's not REALLY tired, she just won't nap for me period, which is fine for all the reasons i said) is to just have them wake her early. if they wake her at 1-2, she should go down around 9 or so. maybe earlier, i dunno.

i feel bad about not wanting to spend as much time as possible with her in the evenings. it's not that i don't miss her, but i'm tired after doing work all day, and i like playing with her/eating dinner/playing more/doing bath/reading to her, and then getting a couple hours to wind down myself so i can go to bed by midnight.

my personal theory is that the parenting part of your brain shuts off at 9 p.m. i know mine does! DH's too!

[Grace and Granola]

Originally Posted by readytobedone

i'm glad to know it's not just me

before i posted here, i googled on this topic and i read all this crap online (not here!) where DCPs were saying "oh, parents don't want their kids to nap, because they say they won't go to bed, but that's just poor parenting/no boundaries/no routine. not my problem!"

uh, no. it's called SHE'S NOT TIRED! so she won't sleep! it has nothing to do with my parenting. short of locking her in her room (which i would obviously NEVER do), i can't make her "go to bed" at a certain time!

The DCPs have to have experience with this scenario. She can't be the first child in that age group to drop their nap! It is such a typical age for that to happen. I hope when you talk to them they will be sympathetic and understanding and it work something out with you.

Originally Posted by readytobedone

i feel bad about not wanting to spend as much time as possible with her in the evenings. it's not that i don't miss her, but i'm tired after doing work all day, and i like playing with her/eating dinner/playing more/doing bath/reading to her, and then getting a couple hours to wind down myself so i can go to bed by midnight.

my personal theory is that the parenting part of your brain shuts off at 9 p.m. i know mine does! DH's too!

Mine shuts off at 7:30!!

But seriously, don't feel bad because you don't want her to stay up until 11 with you. It must be hard to have to work all day and then come home to toddlerland! This has nothing to do with your parenting. 9pm is a very reasonable bedtime for a 2 year old. Plus, you'll be a better parent to her if you have those couple of hours to unwind at night.

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I know we are required by the state to provide a two hour nap to all kids, even if the parents don't like it.

I do think three hours is too long.

Kids do not have to sleep, but they do need to rest. I won't keep a child up during nap time either. But, I do allow them to lie quietly on their mats and look at books or watch a movie.

The trouble is, it's a vicious circle. SHe was up until 11:00 the night before, and she needs a nap since she didn't get enough sleep. So, keeping a child up when they are missing sleep would be hard, and make the day miserable for everybody.

BUT, they should be able to manipulate her nap a little. Maybe she could be the last to lie down, and the first to get up. They could put her cot in a spot that there is a lot of action so your daughter wont fall asleep so early, and maybe the teachers moving around and talking will wake her up earlier than the other kids.

If you don't explain that she's not tired at bed time, they have no idea. They might not be able to do a whole lot about it, but they should be able to make a little bit of a transition for you.

[readytobedone]

thanks for all the replies!

i talked to DCP, and she agreed a 10-11 bedtime is not good for any of us, so she's going to try for a shorter nap with DD...waking her up at the 2 hour mark to start, then if that still puts bedtime past 9, she'll wake her up earlier.

she was very understanding, and even said she already does this with 2 of the 3 year olds, who also won't go to bed if allowed to nap the whole period!

i think 3 hours is long, too, but since they have more infants and young toddlers than older toddlers, it makes sense...i know as a young toddler DD sometimes really NEEDED a 3 hour nap.

i love my DCP, so i figured she would work with me, but i always feel self-conscious asking for things, because i don't want to be "that parent," KWIM?

[akwifeandmomma]

^This.

I'd ask if she could have books and/or quiet toys at rest time. Could she listen to books on tape or music through earphones?

3 hours seems like an awfully long quiet period, but they might not want to let her get up early if all of the other children are still sleeping/resting...

ETA: Nevermind! Glad she's working with you and your dd.