I'm thinking about calling DCFS - Page 3

[bebebradford]

Originally Posted by SamiPolizzi

I wouldn't be thinking about calling if I didn't really believe all this stuff is true.
I know it sounds like it's just gossip and I have no reason to believe it, but I know what kind of person this girl is. I know her circle of friends. I just really believe these things are happening. And I know that if DCFS showed at their door, at the very least they would find a house full of drug paraphernalia.

I'm going to try to convince B to call, but I also understand why she doesn't want to. I'm looking out for the baby. I don't care about his mom or dad at all. But these are her close friends. I know she cares about the baby too, but I think she's just looking at it like it's not a big deal because his basic physical needs are being met. He's not starving. He's not out on the street. But he is being neglected at times and put in dangerous situations. She obviously doesn't want to do something that could potentially really screw up her friends life, but I don't think she understands the gravity of the situation.

Trust your gut. Encourage your friend to call.. if she doesn't ASAP I'd do it FOR HER. Just explain the situation to them like you did to us here.. They'll be able to go from there.

[bebebradford]

Originally Posted by Cascadian

Horrible advice, sorry. I'm a mandated reporter, but as a member of the general public, you have a legal obligation. You do NOT need names, dates, just a way for someone to find them (ie. giving a phone number, address, you friend's contact info). People, we're not talking about nonvax/cosleeping/EBFing...we're talking about some pretty horrible risk factors and events. To paint it with the same brush stroke as 'what if they don't like my parenting because I'm an APer' is ridiculous and ignorant.

I know. I don't care if it is just GOSSIP. If there is ONE SMALL chance it's true that child DESERVES someone to speak for it. It makes me so sad to think so many people would just sit back and not say anything in situations like these. If it IS gossip.. then CPS won't take the child. It would DISGUST me to know that child is being abused and no one will call for it because of wanting to mind their own business. Sad Sad Sad!


OP.. I'm glad there's a concerned person like you that has come into the picture for this child if it's true.

[LROM]

Originally Posted by Theoretica

Wow. I cannot believe how many posts are supporting the idea of reporting a family, potentially risking their children being taken from the family, all on GOSSIP.

Can any of you imagine what it would be like to have CPS show up at your door with a warrant to remove your children, and then you find out it's because some STRANGER, whom you don't even really know, decided based on a grapevine to call the authorities on your family? You realize this could be done for cosleeping (alleging sexual abuse) right? Showering with your kids? Homeschooling? Not vaxing? All of these things, if twisted and gossiped about could be fodder for someone to call 'just in case'.

In cases of first hand knowledge of abuse, yes...call! But put the shoe on your own foot for a few minutes and imagine being on the receiving end of that disaster.

Some friend that is.

Many have already responded to this, but I just want to add this: Our state CPS agency sends out a little news report every day, gathering child welfare related news from all over the country. The number of times the stories are about children who are now DEAD, where parents or neighbors "suspected something was wrong" but never called... it's unconscionable.

Not saying every time CPS is called it goes perfectly well - some of those dead children did have CPS in their lives at some point. But what those news stories do NOT show is that for every tragic end to a child's life that people who knew something did NOT call about, there are thousands and thousands of children being helped EVERY DAY out of horrible awful situations that no child should EVER be in.

All because someone who cared... called. Even when they didn't know all the facts (most people who report don't know most of the facts). Even when they weren't totally sure what they were seeing/hearing is child abuse. They still called, and that helped a child to escape something really bad.

Helping a child does not always mean removing them, matter of fact most times it does *not* mean removing them, but instead working with the parents to try to get them to understand and make behavior changes. But whether the child is removed or not, every child living in dangerous situations deserves a chance to have a better, safer, more loved life.

Call CPS, let them do their job. If there's nothing going, trust me, CPS has way more to worry about already, they're usually not looking to open cases on families with no issues. Yes there are a few bad workers out there, but the vast majority of cases are only opened when things are obviously really serious.

[gardenmommy]

I've been investigated by CPS. It was unnerving, to say the least. It turned out fine in the end, and once the investigation was complete, we didn't see them again. However, I am glad that they took the time to make sure that our children were safe. What if there was a problem, what if the allegations had been true, and no one bothered to make that call? I am glad that CPS does what it does. There are problems with the system, for sure. But, if I had the info that OP has, I would make the call, even if I hadn't witnessed it first hand. Infants cannot tell you that they are not getting adequate care, that their emotional needs aren't being met, that they are being placed in danger. They rely on the grown-ups in their lives to do that for them, to protect them. And, coming from the place of being a mandated reporter in the past, it is important to call; you never know when all they need is another person to come forward and corroborate an open file.

[Bluegoat]

To me, the things they are talking about are serious enough that I would call without having seen them, especially if you are quite sure it is true.

Also, you actually have two sources, not one - your friend and her boyfriend. It might still be worthwhile to encourage one of them to call.

[gcgirl]

I've been thinking about this thread for days and have read all the repsonses. At this point, I am on board with YOU calling and ALSO strongly encouraging your friend/her boyfriend to call.

[HeatherAtHome]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Tell B that if it's really happening she needs to call DCFS ASAP and you've got the number for her right here and a phone, and if it's not really happening, she needs to stop spreading mean gossip about a supposed friend.

And if she does anything but make the call, I'd drop B as a friend because someone who could either see that kind of abuse and not call or could lie about that kind of abuse, isn't worth having as a friend.

eta: actually, might drop her anyway. She seems weird. "Hey, you should really meet S, she's great and her baby's your ds's age!!! ... Oh you liked S? Well you should know she's a crappy parent who neglects her kid and props up his bottle." What's up with that?

Maybe she was hoping that the OP would be a good example for S, that they'd hit it off and OP would be able to give S some tips on parenting. Maybe she was hoping that once OP was around S she'd see what S is really like. Then OP could make the call having seen the experience first hand. I wouldn't be so quick to dump B, she might be reaching out for help with something she feels like she can't handle.

I would have a heart to heart with B and her BF and get them to call, encourage them by saying it can be anonymous, that calling doesn't automatically = baby being taken, but might be a wake up call for them.

If they still won't call (and I'd put a deadline of a week on this) then I would encourage OP to make the call herself.

[Freud]

Originally Posted by claddaghmom

My understanding is that they have to start a file, investigate and make a decision for every call?

Is that different by state?

And it remains on permanent record?

This is not true in all states. The person answering the phone, a social worker, determines if a case should be opened based on what the caller says. I just made a call the other day and the worker said, thanks for being alert to possible abuse, but we're not opening a case based on what you've reported.

You can actually call anonymously, give them all the information you have and they will tell you if they will open a case. Then you can give them the person's identifying information.