Gentle Weaning

[Breeder]

My little one is 19 months old and only nurses at naptime and bedtime (when I am home...2x a week I work evenings so my DH generally puts him to bed) and in the middle of the night and upon waking. I had planned on doing child-led weaning but I am miserable.

It hurts for me to nurse more than a few minutes and E wants to wake in the night and nurse for long periods of time, sleep nursing. I used to be able to sleep through it but the past few weeks it wakes me up and keeps me up because it's painful. My solution has in the past been to nurse him for a few minutes on each side to comfort him and then tell him, "The Nee-Nee's (his word) are sleeping now." Which works fine at naptime and bedtime, however in the middle of the night it results in a full blown howl which can last for 1/2 hour as evidenced by the night before last. Resulting in no sleep for any of us. So last night I just suffered through it until he fell asleep.

This is not going to work. I want to wean him, slowly and gently but I can't just keep on like this just hoping one day he'll just stop.

Tips, links, anything?

[Breeder]

[HappyMommy2]

Hugs mama. I think everyone is afraid to post weaning advice here. I have asked for advice a couple times and got serious thread killers (guilt/shaming) and warnings from mods.

Kellymom.com has some advice on reducing sessions, but I still have not found good and gentle advice to go from a little nursing to no nursing. Searching about weaning on the internet provides lots of non-gentle methods that I wasn't comfortable doing. Ditto on the 2 books I borrowed from the library.

I still have not found any gentle advice for mama led weaning. I thought this would be the place to come, or at least hear other moms' experiences, but sadly, no.

It is pretty frustrating for me as you can tell! This SHOULD be the place to get real advice. By real, I mean it might not be possible for every woman to nurse every child for 4-5 yrears.

If advice on weaning isn't allowed here, the only info available is non-gentle methods. So to me it seems like a bad policy, resulting in what most women here don't want.

Good luck! And please share if you have more success than I did!

[SeekingJoy]

Do you know why it is painful? That sounds like it might be the key to being able to wean slowly instead of needing to do it quickly in order to avoid pain.

Thursh? Are you pregnant and have lost your milk supply? Major life stressors?

[HappyMommy2]

Oh - I just realized I do have one piece of advice. I didn't think it would work but tried it anyway with awesome results. Again, though, it is reducing nursing and not eliminating. But it might help you.

It is "counting to ten". When I don't want to nurse (but don't want a long crying session either) I tell her we can count to ten. She can nurse while I count. She loves it, and pops off immediately! Sometimes I count backwards and then we say "blastoff" together. Sometimes I count fast, other times slower.

Side benefit is also learning to count! :-)

Also - here's the kellymom link.

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/w...echniques.html

Good luck mama.

[Baby_Cakes]

You won't find any guilt or shame coming from me!
We have a Mama-Led Weaning Support thread here.
I used Dr. Jay Gordon's methods for nightweaning. You may want to start there to stop the middle of the night sessions that are really killing you.
I'm about to run to the bookstore and see if I can find some books on how to gently wean. If I find anything worth mentioning, I'll let you know.
Please don't feel guilty or ashamed. You have done a GREAT job! You've had a person growing in you and living off you for over 2 years! It's fine for you to take back what you need and set some boundaries!

[Breeder]

Thanks for the replies.

HappyMommy2 I like the counting idea, I think he will too. He loves it when we count! And boo to anyone who tossed some guilt and shame on you. I am so over using those methods to communicate with people you disagree with. I would *never* do that to my kids, or teach my kids it was ok for them to do that, why does anyone think it's ok for adults to do this? I don't understand it.

SeekingJoy, I don't have thrush and I am *thankfully* not expecting. My supply may be low because he is infrequent in his time nursing. I work and go to school. Sometimes he only nurses in the middle of the night. Sometimes he nurses three times in one day. The only thing I can really see as a major point of stress is my lack of sleep (like my job, love school, finances stable, marriage happy, everybody's healthy etc). Of course I get less sleep because of the painful nursing, so it might be a self perpetuating cycle.

Baby_cakes - thanks for your support and the thread! Let me know if you find any useful resources.

[MamaChicken]

I just night weaned my twin boys at 15 months. They nurse one time per day becasue they are still asleep when I leave in the morning, I work all day, and they just aren't interested any other time.

DH helped a lot with the night weaning. He took the twin who nursed more frequently at night, and slept with him in another bed for a few weeks. There was some crying, but he was crying in daddy's loving arms. The other twin stayed in the room with me, and I would comfort him through the rough spots. I used a modified version of Jay Gordan's advice.

It did involve crying and being upset. We started on a Thursday night, muscled through a very rough Friday (no sleep), and by Monday night they were both sleeping through the night. No promises on the STTN thing, but that was the side effect for us!

After 15 months of 2-3 hours of broken sleep per night, I am amazed at how much better I feel!

[georgia]

Hey! I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling miserable. Yuck! No fun for anyone I totally know what it's like to have bigger expectations and then reality come knocking on my door. Please go gentle on yourself. It sounds like you've had an awesome and amazing and long bf relationship that you should be extremely happy about. There's absolutely no shame in drawing things gently to a loving end..albeit shorter than you expected...but totally amazing regardless!!!

I did lots of counting and alphabetting when pregnant and nursing. You'd be amazed at how fast I can zip through abcs I know some mamas have done the band-aid thing on their breasts (Breasts are sore, we need to make this super fast please, or whatever). That never seemed to work with mine, but you might have a more empathetic little one than mine were

Here are some helpful and gentle tips for toddlers specifically:

http://www.llli.org/FAQ/weantoddler.html

and general page that's pretty good here:

http://www.llli.org/NB/NBweaning.html

Best wishes and much love

[SeekingJoy]

OP, thank goodness you don't have thrush. I think it has been on my mind lately because DD and I have a recurring bout.

The low supply theory makes sense to me, and actually we are hitting that wall right now. Between the thrush and her natural slow down in nursing (she is 2.5), it is beginning to get painful, especially on one side. When she switches from nursing for real to kinda suck/chewing, I sing the ABCs. Since we also sing the ABCs when taking turns, waiting for something, etc, she understands what to expect and it is familiar. She typically pops off before I even get to T.

[Breeder]

I've had some success with the little guy. He slept through the night two days straight after Daddy putting him to sleep while I was at work - he usually wakes when I get home at night. And last night he went to sleep after a quick session and woke once to go right back down after an even more brief one. He declined nursing at nap time (I offered, he said, "No" with a sweet little grin and kept on playing). It seems like he's starting to move on - maybe.

Georgia - Thanks so much for the links! Your response was so understanding it made me tear up a little. I have been a little hard on myself for starting this process and it makes me feel better to hear that.


MamaChicken - Congratulations on breastfeeding twins for fifteen months. And for finally getting a good night's sleep!


SeekingJoy - I'm so sorry about the reoccurring thrush. I hope you guys get past it for good.