Being told "NO" and running away

[2goingon2]

My 26 month old does this. All the time. I am finding that I'm losing my patience with this and I'd love some advice from other parents who are dealing or have dealt with this. I don't remember my older two children doing this but you know...memory is selective.

When it's bath time or time to get his shoes/coat on and leave, he tells me no. I gently tell him yes, it's time to take a nice warm bubble bath or yes, it's time to go now and start moving toward him and he runs from me. Of course he's laughing and it makes me crazy. This morning I really lost my temper and ended up yelling at him. When I finally got to him I plopped his little butt down on the floor to get his shoes on...the whole time telling him he can't tell me no and he can't run from me. He started to cry and I felt terrible.

He will also do the "limp boy" bit when I get to him. By that I mean he will just drop to the floor and I've got to catch him and ease him down gently. The entire time he's telling me no.

He does these things so often now that I find I have no patience. I really don't want to yell at him or snatch him up and drag him off (which I admit has crossed my mind) so any advice?

[Caittune]

Mine is a bit older, but we play to her competitive spirit and make it fun. We race to get to the socks, we race to go potty. I try to make it into a game and it seems to help with cooperation.

Also, I try to give lots of warnings about when it is time to do something. And limited choices. Like, do you want pink socks or purple. And if you start a bit early do you want to go now, or in 5 minutes. Then you can set a timer and say when it beeps it is 5 minutes.

I know how incredibly frustrating it can be when you just need to get things done though.

[2goingon2]

We do give him warnings about almost bath time, time to go, etc. I like the limited choices. Maybe I could say - do you want Daddy to carry you to the bath tonight or do you want to walk?

I just can't seem to get in gear and get to work on time in the morning so mornings are always a rush and when my patience is non-existent. I'll have to come up with an idea regarding choices for the shoes/coat scenario. Thanks for your advice.

[crowcaw]

Two seemingly opposite tactics that I used with dds at that age:

1. Playful Parenting approach -- as long as the "game" started before I had spoiled it by saying "It's time to...." it made doing things like shoes and coats and carseats and baths... a lot of fun sometime. At the age of you ds the games were things like looking for the mouse in the sleeve of their coat, putting their shoes on before the shoe-eating-goat that just made and appearance could get to them, beating the monster behind the stop sign to their carseat,... I'd highly recommend the book.

2. Not saying what we were going to do but just gently taking their hand and leading them to what needs to be done.

DDs are 4 now and we still use both approaches. The later is more for initiating routines that, once started, are fairly routine. The former for all sorts of things.

Contrary to most kids (from what I hear), mine don't do well with the 5 minute warning type approach or the choices that aren't really choices -- I think purple socks and pink socks are still socks to them and they don't want to be told to put their socks on. If I announce what's going to happen in x mnutes or do a count down, they get more agitated and more resistant to the transistion.

[One_Girl]

When my dd was this age I would get things ready in one location and then tell my dd we were going to do something as I held on to her and got her ready to do it. Preventing the running away really helps. I also found that if I had her in the car set I could put her shoes on her easily and lay her coat over her so she stayed warm.

[PlayaMama]

okay, this is going to sound weird but here's the thing, he CAN tell you no.

you may not want to hear it and you may not acknowledge it but he has the ability to tell you no.

what has worked for me is to just acknowledge it.

"oh, you don't want to put your shoes on. okay." give it a minute or two so he knows that he is being heard and respected. then follow with, "i need to go outside. if you want to go outside with me you need to get your shoes on. if you don't put your shoes on i will leave you here."

then proceed to put your own shoes on. 9 times out of 10 my dd is begging me to put her shoes on too. they want to be with you.

also, the running away is a _game_ to him. he has no idea that it frustrates you. if you don't want him to run away turn around and ignore him. when it's not a fun thing that gets mommy to play with him then he won't do it.

and yes, i still get TOTALLY frustrated trying to get things accomplished when the kids are buzzing around like hummingbirds. these are only a few suggestions that might work for you as they worked for me.

[rachel7628]

Originally Posted by 2goingon2

I'll have to come up with an idea regarding choices for the shoes/coat scenario. Thanks for your advice.

My daughter is younger (18 months) and we're just getting into this same problem. It's already driving me batty - which is why I came in here looking for ideas.

Anyway, can you buy an extra coat and pair of shoes so that he can choose which ones to wear that day? Then instead of directing him to put on his coat and shoes, you can ask "Which coat do you want to wear today?" This way he has some control over something - so much of our kids lives are dictated by adults (particularly in morning routines). We don't have any extra coats, but we have a plethora of barely-worn hand-me-down shoes from which she can choose each day so I send her to the door for shoes and then smoothly put on her coat and out we go. I'm willing to accept that this method may not work in another 6 months...or even another month.

[2goingon2]

We're the opposite Rachel - in that my son has several coats and only 3 pairs of shoes to choose from. He definitely has his favorite coat which is actually a light-weight jacket. I don't make a big deal out of that one unless he is going to be outside for awhile and it's been really cold here (as the rest of the world) and then he has to wear the heavy one. In and out of the car on the way to daycare - a jacket is fine because I warm up the truck.

Playamama - I understand what you are saying. It's just lately my patience is so thin that I don't stop and consider that. I have in the past but certainly not lately. I also think that I need to ask some extended family members not to play the "chase" game with him. That only adds to his confusion when I get upset, I know.

[PlayaMama]

i totes know!

i'm completely guilty of just plopping my dd down and saying, we are putting your shoes on NOW" because i'm so tired of trying to make it work for us all.

those were only suggestions if you're up for it, i don't have much advice when you're low energy (or i would use them myself! )